In Search of Enemies - A CIA Story - John Stockwell

Postscript
I knew I should resign. My illusions about the intelligence business
were dead, but it was difficult to make the move. The CIA was the
only world I knew. It provided close friends, financial security, and
protection. I came in a way to appreciate Hamlet's dilemma. True,
his choices were harder-suicide or murder-while I merely sought
the courage to abandon my career and struggled to decide if I should
also expose the agency.
For months I procrastinated. In the cynical post-Watergate times,
why should I be the one to abandon a lucrative and comfortable
career, and the friends and security that were part of it? Why not just
take a cushy field assignment and run off the years until retirement.
My jogging increased to ten miles a day, then twenty one Sunday,
down the towpath further and further, and back again.
While I vaci11ated, the Hom and Central Branch was reorganized
into a group and I was appointed the central branch chief, responsible
for seven countries. Angola was one of those countries, and we
handled it with a small desk staffed by two young officers. Branch