In Search of Enemies - A CIA Story - John Stockwell

Saigon to Washington (33]
struck at the core of my wishful conviction that the CIA was the elite
of the United States government, charged with the responsibility of
protecting our country in the secret wars of a hostile world. Ve~
little about CIA activity in Vietnam was honorabl~. It gnawed at my
c~e. I had managed other case officersa;d in the end I had
fled like everyone else.
But conscientious officers, whom I respected, still insisted that
these experiences were misleading, that there was nothing wrong
with the CIA that a good housecleaning wouldn't cure. They spoke
reverently of intelligence and national security and urged me to hang
on to my career and use my increasing authority to help reform the
agency.
I wanted to believe them. All my life I had conformed: to a
boarding school in Africa, to the Marine Corps, to the CIA. I had
reveled in the challenge and sheer fun of clandestine operations, the
excitement of flying off on secret missions, the thrill of finding one
more way to plant a bug in a Chinese embassy, and, eventually, the
gratification of supervisory authority over other case officers.
After Vietnam I had spent ten good weeks with my three teenagers,
all of us starved for each other's companionship. We swam, built
a canoe, camped at the beach, played tennis and chess and Monopoly
and Ping-Pong, and built an addition to my parent's retirement home
in the hills overlooking Lake Travis on the outskirts of Austin,
Texas. In the evenings we talked, often until dawn, about their lives
and mine. I hadn't known whether I wanted to go back into clandestine
work. After a crunch like Vietnam .. . . Then the telephone had
rung.
On the flight from Austin to Washington, I had only to flip
through the newsmagazines to be reminded again of the notoriety of
my employer. Two congressional committees were investigating CIA
activities. During the past week alone, .President Ford had apolQ:_
g!zed to the Olsson family for the death of Dr. Olsson ii!_ CIA drug_ . ·
~~ri°!~~~~~9 .m.Ll.~~~--~ar1Le.r;_ a former CIA deputy director of ~'>i-'e· , if( :.
plans"'( the ·~~lande~tine s:rvi~s) ~ad testifiedJhat .h~ .h.~Q __ a_p_pr~~ed 7 '1-