THE AVATAR IN PANAMA - Theses - Flinders University

3.3 Reinventing the Double The Avatar in Panamapodemos detener” (107, 108). The inanimate other, in this instance, is alight post into which he becomes incorporated. His reification (“elhaberme integrado a un poste de luz”), results in a loss of libido andpersonality disassociation. The narrator has no memory of childhoodand suggests that it was lived for him by another:Pero tengo la impresión, y no es nadaagradable, de que alguien fue niño para mí,quizá sin saberlo, en alguna parte del planeta, ofuera de él, quien sabe. A lo mejor es verdadque somos vividos desde otras dimensiones(108).This undercurrent of uncertainty and the frightening idea thatsomething is not quite right, that there exists some underlying nefariousand repressed truth, is particular to those suffering dissociativedisorders. The inability to take an active part in one’s own life withoutbelieving it is being manipulated from another dimension, sufferingmemory lapses, or episodes of lost time are symptomatic of thesedissociative patterns of thought and behaviour. 38As in “Evasiones de la muerte”, the events in “El globo” (CB)are also initiated by tedium. The purchase of a black balloon is for noparticular reason and becomes an extension of the principal charactermoving independently of the string he holds. The protagonist’smetamorphosis is an understated one:En cierto momento olvidé figuras, voces yolores a mi alrededor y me dediqué a observarel desplazamiento continuo que frente a mimarcha realizaba el globo. Poco después, éstese convirtió en un elemento tan importante queyo dejé de tener conciencia plena de mi ser(40).When he regains his senses, he feels gravity disappearing:que no era más que un grano sin contornos enaquel deambular de gentes por todas partes,ignorado aliento sin dirección. Tuve la impresiónde no estar sujeto a la gravedad, porque meestaba desmaterializando. Sobre todo al mirarhacia abajo y no verme por sitio alguno entre la38 These manifestations are common to patients of fugue, amnesia and multiplepersonality disorder. David Spiegel, “Hypnosis, Dissociation, and Trauma: Hidden andOvert Observers”, 121-142. 136.238