Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

*Do you think that you can alter other people’s behaviors by showing them “the error in
their ways or by “giving them a lesson”?
*Do you prepare for unpleasant encounters ahead of time?
Chances are, you answered “yes” to at least a few of these questions. If so, this doesn’t
make you “weak” or “mean” or “shallow”. In fact, it doesn’t make you a “bad person” at
all. What it does make you is human; a human being who happens to be following a very
primitive – and equally powerful, psychological program. And, while this subconscious
set of aggressive instincts is not “bad” per se either, it does encourage a self-focused way
of behaving that ensures a repetitive experience of pain & suffering in your life.
The SOURCE of our CONFLICT ADDICTION
But where does this addiction come from? If conflict is so uncomfortable (and ultimately
so counterproductive), why are we so attached to it in so many of our relationships?
SOURCE #01: FEAR …
At our most subconscious level of being, we are psychologically programmed to survive,
and we happen to believe that the best way to ensure our own survival is to remain
skeptical and afraid.
*We are afraid of not having enough food to eat or water to drink (or money to spend for
the same) … so we fight to “get our needs met”.
*We are afraid that we will be abandoned by our “herd” and left alone to die … so we
fawn over those seen to be “powerful”, and attack anyone perceived to be “weak” or
“strange” or “weird”.
*We are afraid of being attacked or overran or invaded or hurt or rejected … so we build
up our defenses to protect ourselves from the same (often by lashing out at others before
they even have a chance to hurt us).
SOURCE #02: PLEASURE …
At our fleshly level of being, we are physiologically programmed to seek pleasure and
avoid pain, and we believe that the best way to ensure lots of the former is to engage
pleasurable behaviors, while the best way to ensure reaping little of the latter is to lash
out at those who cause us harm.
And it turns out that conflict itself is physiologically addictive. When we are confronted
by individuals who we believe to be “violent”, or with situations that are felt to be
“dangerous”, adrenaline and other opiate-like neurochemicals are released into our
bloodstream. This arousal is designed to help us bring quick resolution to life-threatening
encounters. The problem in our society is that we are inundated with stimuli that
repeatedly convince us that we are under attack or – at the very least – unsafe.
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