Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

While the existence of such a dysfunction does not mean that the couple is “wrong” for
each other, it does mean that one or both members in the relationship has lost focus on
what it truly means to be in a Loving Partnership … Essentially, they have forgotten what
it means to LOVE.
“LOVE ADDICTION” IS EXTREMELY COMMON
Initially, “Love addiction” is BIOLOGICAL … Our bodies are physiologically designed
to procreate. As such, we are subconsciously driven to seek and bond with partners in
order to mate and further the survival of our species. This is all fine & good, of course,
and yet the way our bodies encourage us to do this is so powerful that it often leads us to
becoming addicted to “love”. Whenever a “good match” is encountered, chemicals begin
coursing through our bodies that encourage us to pursue this potential mate at all costs.
And when that union is consummated, that cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and
adrenaline keeps us literally “stoned” on this “love” for up to 18 months* – a hormone
high that becomes incredibly addictive indeed.
*As soon as these post-sexual union, “in love” hormones fade (usually after around 6
months of togetherness), they are replaced by a surge in endorphins, hormones that give
the pair a “best friend” feeling whenever they are together. These endorphins are
produced for up to seven years after the consummation of the relationship. It is
interesting to note that the average length of any marriage is … seven years.
Secondly, “Love addiction” is PSYCHOLOGICAL … Humans are “herd animals”;
social beings programmed to join together in like-minded groups in order to survive and
thrive. As a consequence, over time we have developed very powerful subconscious
“programs” in the most primitive portions of our brains – a set of drives & inclinations
designed to encourage us to survive at all costs, and to do so by forming “stable” bonds
with others. As such, we all subconsciously yearn to be loved, we all subconsciously
yearn to please others, and we all subconsciously yearn to form “permanent unions” with
others in order to make our lives “safer” and “more successful”. And, whenever we
choose to heed these self-serving and fear-based inclinations, we logically engage
relationships that are dysfunctional and needy. And in this way, too, we become addicted
to “love”.
Finally, “Love addiction” is CULTURAL … Now that we understand that both our
bodies and our minds are innately “dysfunctional”, it can be no surprise to realize that the
cultures that those bodies and minds have created are equally unhealthy. Indeed, with the
exception of a very few tribal cultures, human societies have been developed in such a
way as to actually encourage us to addictively attach to others around us. Films and
novels, of course, are the most obvious perpetrators – shamelessly propagating the
insidious myth that Love is fundamentally romantic and blatantly “needy”. And yet, the
most powerful “culprit” in the spread of this deep-seated dis-ease is the basic familydynamic.
Dysfunction if our relationships is not only biologically programmed, it is also
a learned behavior, stemming from any situation where children are raised in an
environment with rules in place that hinder personal development.
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