Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

Addiction #13 – Freedom from ROMANCE
“We can never obtain Peace in our outer world
until we make Peace within ourselves.” ~ Dalai Lama
While the last chapter dealt with an addiction to distancing ourselves from others during
our acts of superficial sex, this one deals with what happens when we yearn to get “too
close” to our loved ones. This sounds like a contradiction, I know, and yet “love
addiction” is a very common craving, and it is one that severely limits our ability to ever
know the brilliant Bliss that true LOVE can bring to our lives.
WHAT IS “LOVE ADDICTION”?
Whether labeled as “dysfunctional” or “codependent” or “infatuation” or “needy”, an
addiction to “love” exists when one or both partners in a relationship start to desire to be
cared for more than they desire to actively Care; when they feel like they cannot live a
full life without the presence of their beloved; when they either feel an almost compelling
desire to have their partner around them most (if not all) of the time, or they find
themselves running from that same closeness.
For the partner yearning for “love”, this addiction is also identified by feelings of
dizzying euphoria (when the partner is doting on the addict or is being overtly
“romantic”), jealousy (when the partner is sharing time with a third person or persons),
and resentment (when the partner is “neglecting” the desires of the addict by not giving
him/her “enough attention” or his/her “fair share” of tenderness). For the partner
shielding him or herself from such clinginess, feelings of annoyance, fatigue, frustration,
anger or even fear are common.
Now, this type of non-functioning relationship is quite prevalent, and most of you are
currently experiencing its effects to one degree of another, and yet this does not mean that
your relationships are “bad” in any way. In fact, there are no such judgments placed on
any of the addictions mentioned in this book. Romantic acts can indeed be sincere
expressions of Caring (and of course it feels wonderful to be loved by another in this
way), and having your “me time” is indeed a healthy way to reconnect to a sense of
Oneness and Inner Peace.
And yet, when a beloved starts to either
yearn for love or to yearn to be “left alone” –
when he or she feels neglected when such
caring gestures are not provided &/or feels
“put upon” when the same acts are
demanded, then an addiction has indeed
taken hold – an addiction that will, unless it
is cleansed and released, eventually destroy
the Loving intimacy of that relationship.
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