Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

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While the “Affection Addict” is primarily concerned with receiving love for themselves from their partner, and whereas the “Avoidance Addict” is primarily concerned with receiving love from themselves – both addictions are actually addictions that push real Love away. Both are based in selfish intentions, and both share the same primary consequence: the loss of the ability to Give real LOVE — and thereby the loss of the ability to experience the same in return. So, once we recognize that we are engaging in one of these two facets of Love Addiction, the question becomes: what can we do to free ourselves from its clutches? Regardless of whether we are chasing our partner or running from away from them, what can we do to return to Love? The “experts” have lots of advice on this subject, of course. They tell “Affection Addicts” to take better care of themselves; to separate from their beloved and spend more time meeting their own needs; to invest more of their energy in hobbies or friends instead of solely on their partner. And they tell “Avoidance Addicts” to go out of their way to “give in” and compromise with the needs of their beloved; to spend time with her/him even if they don’t want to do so; to sacrifice their own desires for the “good of the relationship”. Of course, none of these options addresses the underlying cause of Love Addiction. In fact, all of these alternatives actually serve to make one’s Love Addiction even stronger! A wise Friend of mine once said that the only way to break any pattern of behavior was to consciously choose a different action at any one of its stages. This seems pretty simple and it makes a lot of sense. Of course what a lot of folks don’t realize is that, for an action to be truly different, it has to come from a different place in our Hearts – it has to have a different intention – it has to have a completely different goal. Love Addicts have only one thing in mind when in the throes of their addiction – furthering their own best interests. That is why Affection Addicts demand “love” from their partners, and that is why Avoidance Addicts run from those attempts. As such, it is not enough for either of them merely to engage in actions that look different on the outside if their motives are still self-centered. The Affection Addict that is clinging to a hobby instead of her partner is still clinging, and the Avoidance Addict that superficially runs towards his partner instead of running away from her is still running. The external actions have changed in both case, and yet the intentions behind those actions are still primarily self-serving. As such, nothing will truly change in the relationship, and their Intimacy will continue to slowly die. So with that all in mind, we ask: is there a solution, and if so, what is it? 80
LOVE ADDICTION: A POWER-FULL SOLUTION LOVE is not about avoiding arguments so that you will have more “peace & quiet” … It is about wanting to say Kind things to your partner, solely so that he/she will feel Loved. LOVE is not about making compromises so that you can either get your partner “off your back” or lure them back to you … It is about wanting to do nice things for him/her, regardless of how he/she responds. LOVE is not about “having fun” together so that your partner will either come closer to you or quit nagging you … It is about sharing time Together because you choose to want to do so. In essence, if you are an Affection Addict, you have to set your partner free – not to have them fly back into your cage, but simply because you LOVE them and what them to be happy – no matter what … And if you are an Avoidance Addict, you have to set your True Self free – a True Self that wants nothing more than to go to your partner (no matter how “clingy” they are being) and simple show them LOVE – no matter what. This is the only way to break your pattern of dysfunction without breaking up … This is the only way to break your Love Addiction without breaking your Self. “Happiness can only be achieved by looking inward & learning to enjoy whatever life has given you, and this requires purposefully choosing to transform your greed into gratitude – to transform your taking into giving – to transform your fear into Love.” ~ inspired by John Chrysostom “Affection Addiction is when you think he is almost as sexy as Robert Redford, almost as noble as Mahatma Gandhi, almost as funny as Bill Murray, and almost as athletic as Michael Jordan … LOVE is when he actually IS all those things, and yet you set him free anyway. Avoidance Addiction is when you think she is almost as shallow as a dry creek bed, almost as demanding as a two-year old, and almost as annoying as a mosquito in your sleeping bag … LOVE is when she actually IS all those things, and yet you joyfully go to her with open arms anyway.” – inspired by Judith Viorst 81
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LICKING the RAZOR’S EDGE Recogniz
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inspired by … & in honor of Todd
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Introduction Over the course of my
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“There are all kinds of addicts
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And yet, if you make sure your ego
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Addiction #01 - Freedom from ALCOHO
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Alcohol -- A Way OUT “I can’t c
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Addiction #02 - Freedom from SMOKIN
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And here is the point that is more
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That means that in only 3 weeks, th
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TIP #10 - TREAT YOURSELF Giving up
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Addiction #03 - Freedom from CAFFEI
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MYTH #05 - Caffeine (specifically c
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*And finally, and by far MOST IMPOR
Page 29 and 30: Addiction #04 - Freedom from SUGAR
Page 31 and 32: Sugar -- A Way OUT “Foods high in
Page 33 and 34: Addiction #05 - Freedom from MEAT
Page 35 and 36: In addition, even though we have ev
Page 37 and 38: In addition, these animals are sent
Page 39 and 40: Effect #05 - Most importantly of al
Page 41 and 42: *Many known cancer-causing ingredie
Page 43 and 44: *Also, a study in the Wall Street J
Page 45 and 46: Addiction #08 - Freedom from SALT
Page 47 and 48: Addiction #09 - Freedom from GMO’
Page 49 and 50: TIP #02 … READ your LABELS You mi
Page 51 and 52: Addiction #10 - Freedom from Glutto
Page 53 and 54: Maybe you are “walking on eggshel
Page 55 and 56: Gluttony -- A Way OUT “My doctor
Page 57 and 58: TIP #07 - REMEMBER THE WHY of your
Page 59 and 60: Of course, your own level of “hoa
Page 61 and 62: THE CONSEQUENCES of HOARDING Hoardi
Page 63 and 64: TIP #02 - PILING IT UP Designate an
Page 65 and 66: Finally, regardless of how you deal
Page 67 and 68: Most importantly of all, almost now
Page 69 and 70: *Casual sex creates a void between
Page 71 and 72: In everything we do, it is the “w
Page 73 and 74: TIP #07 - LIMIT YOUR FREQUENCY The
Page 75 and 76: While the existence of such a dysfu
Page 77 and 78: THE CONSEQUENCES OF BEING ADDICTED
Page 79: *Do you provoke arguments? Do you r
Page 83 and 84: *According to another study of wome
Page 85 and 86: While the pages that follow will go
Page 87 and 88: Start by taking a long and deep loo
Page 89 and 90: Practical TIP #03 - SEEING THE SELF
Page 91 and 92: As long as you are attempting to ma
Page 93 and 94: Practical TIP #06 - The TRUE BEAUTY
Page 95 and 96: Practical TIP #07 — CHOOSING REVE
Page 97 and 98: And yet, despite the evidence that
Page 99 and 100: Comfort -- A Way OUT “It is not t
Page 101 and 102: Well, my Friends, there is no guara
Page 103 and 104: And so we log on again … and agai
Page 105 and 106: In the pages that follow I will des
Page 107 and 108: *When you feel the urge to log-on
Page 109 and 110: *Do you analyze, criticize or other
Page 111 and 112: *TRUTH #03: Vacant TALKING MEANS NO
Page 113 and 114: The pains of our past are our most
Page 115 and 116: Addiction #18 - Freedom from TV “
Page 117 and 118: And yet there are other negative co
Page 119 and 120: *Watching Television causes a LOSS
Page 121 and 122: *Do you use your TV as a baby-sitte
Page 123 and 124: TIP #03: LIMIT YOUR VIEWING … Onl
Page 125 and 126: Addiction #19 - Freedom from VIDEO
Page 127 and 128: *VIDEO GAMES are SOCIALLY ADDICTIVE
Page 129 and 130: RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN GAMING ADDICTI
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Addiction #20 - Freedom from SLOTH
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*We are EMOTIONALLY CONDITIONED to
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The Power-full Alternative: BUILDIN
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TIP #18: BE A “GOOD NEIGHBOR”
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The CONSEQUENCES of “PRODUCTIVITY
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*Do you regularly feel like you nee
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Productivity -- A Way OUT “The qu
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Essentially, when we follow this gu
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Addiction #22 - Freedom from THINKI
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*Do you replay recent conversations
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Avoiding COMMON TRAPS & “Fake Sol
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Please note that this chapter in no
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So, erring on the side of seeing th
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We have tried “change from the to
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We are told over & over again that
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The CONSEQUENCES of SERIOUSNESS The
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Saddened by the news? Shrug, sigh a
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Addiction #25 - Freedom from NEGATI
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*Negativity intensifies what psycho
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Because we are more than our “rep
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*TIP #02: REMAIN in the MOMENT …
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Addiction #26 - Freedom from CALLOU
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The SOURCE of the ADDICTION Almost
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*CALLOUSNESS INFLICTS “KARMIC SPL
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Tip #02: FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE
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Addiction #27 - Freedom from ARROGA
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*Do you believe that you have a rig
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We are arrogant in relation to our
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“We can never accurately judge th
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TIP #02: DEFEND THE DEFENSELESS …
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TIP #04: BE KIND to your CRITICS
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TIP #06: LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN …
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TIP #08: OPEN the MIND = OPEN the H
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BENEFIT #01: ENHANCED AWARENESS OF
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Addiction #28 - Freedom from CONFLI
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*Do you think that you can alter ot
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The CONSEQUENCES of our CONFLICT AD
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Conflict -- A Way OUT “Peace is n
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Peace-full Way #03: FORGIVENESS CAR
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RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN ADDICTION to I
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What is especially interesting, at
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HARM #02: INFORMATION ADDICTION INS
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TIP #01 (& tip “only”): TURN OF
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Addiction #30 - Freedom from NORMAL
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*Do you get your hair done at a sal
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It is only one example among many,
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There are quite a few preachers and
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Addiction #31 - Freedom from RELIGI
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*Do you preach Kindness and moralit
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In essence, the questions that you
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TIP #02: LOVE YOUR ENEMIES … It i
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Addiction #32 - Freedom from ENVY
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*Do you tease others about their ad
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#02) ENVY SOLIDIFIES SADNESS … De
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I don’t have any specific advice
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*After discovering that you have ac
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The CONSEQUENCES of REGRET When lef
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TIP #01: ANONYMOUSLY ATONE … Mere
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In conclusion, then, dealing with r
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And then when things are going well
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RECOGNIZING our ADDICTION to SADNES
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“You can’t keep the birds of sa
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PRACTICAL TIPS for BRINGING the BLI
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And yet, as with every other addict
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*Do you pry into the affairs of oth
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Fear -- A Way OUT Step 01: RELEASE
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Note here that I am not intending t
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Step 03: FORGIVE (the verb) “Hold
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I realize that to judge another per
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Step 05: PROTEST INJUSTICE “For t
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*Instead of marching on the White H
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Consider: It is our fear that gives
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That being said, this thin fog of f
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Even so, many of you are probably q
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Consider the following oft-forgotte
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*So don’t get angry at your ego f
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Indeed, it is time for us to rememb
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It is important to remember - espec
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FREEDOM from addiction IS INSTANTAN
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Step 02) CONSOLE your Ego … Have
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The more often you do so - the more
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