Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

HOW to POWER-FULLY FORGIVE
Peace-full Way #01: FORGIVENESS LISTENS …
Conflict immediately ends when one party chooses to empathically listen to the other. He
does so without agreeing with what is being said, and he does so without disagreeing with
what is being said. He listens merely to listen – merely to honor the True Self of the one
doing the speaking; even if those words are hateful and harsh. She does so without
defending herself from criticism and without setting up boundaries to attack. She listens
merely to listen – merely to remind the speaker gently-yet-persistently that she is not an
enemy at all, but rather a long lost Friend who the other has simply forgotten.
When an argument becomes a debate, and a debate then becomes a discussion, and that
discussion then becomes a listening, conflict cannot continue to survive.
“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Peace-full Way #02: FORGIVENESS DETACHES from conflict …
There is no such thing as a method of conflict that truly “works”. When you “win” an
argument, the other does not suddenly agree with you and begin to champion your
opinion. Rather, they depart in search of weaker minds who they can similarly defeat.
Even criminals who are prosecuted and “punished justly” will never be truly rehabilitated
thereby. They will simply wait for the next opportunity to commit their crimes again –
and again – and again. And they do so not because “that’s just the way they are”, but
rather because they have yet to receive the one thing that is missing in their lives – the
one thing that was missing in their youth – the one thing that led them to commit their
crimes in the first place.
And that one thing was unconditional Love. Since they didn’t receive it in their earlier
years, they are looking for it in their later ones. And since they didn’t learn healthy ways
of looking for it then, they are looking for it in unhealthy ways now. They are looking for
unconditional Forgiveness, and they will continue to commit crimes until such radical
Acceptance is given to them. As such, conflict is never a practical solution to any form
of perceived wrongdoing. Indeed, conflict is the one choice that actually encourages
those ways of pain and dysfunction to continue. Because conflict is the primary problem,
choosing to courageously remove yourself from conflict is the primary solution. Conflict
requires two parties to survive, so when one party gracefully retreats, conflict itself is
forced to retreat as well.
So exit all your arguments, … and quit all your debates, … and silence all your
criticisms, … and drop all your lawsuits. There are a myriad of truly effective solutions
to the challenges presented by your enemies … Conflict is not one of them.
“Whenever you are in conflict with another, there is one factor that determines whether
your relation ship will be damaged or deepened. That factor is attitude.”
~ inspired by William James
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