Licking the Razor's Edge (2015)

While the “Affection Addict” is primarily concerned with receiving love for themselves
from their partner, and whereas the “Avoidance Addict” is primarily concerned with
receiving love from themselves – both addictions are actually addictions that push real
Love away. Both are based in selfish intentions, and both share the same primary
consequence: the loss of the ability to Give real LOVE — and thereby the loss of the
ability to experience the same in return.
So, once we recognize that we are engaging in one of these two facets of Love Addiction,
the question becomes: what can we do to free ourselves from its clutches? Regardless of
whether we are chasing our partner or running from away from them, what can we do to
return to Love?
The “experts” have lots of advice on this subject, of course. They tell “Affection Addicts”
to take better care of themselves; to separate from their beloved and spend more time
meeting their own needs; to invest more of their energy in hobbies or friends instead of
solely on their partner. And they tell “Avoidance Addicts” to go out of their way to “give
in” and compromise with the needs of their beloved; to spend time with her/him even if
they don’t want to do so; to sacrifice their own desires for the “good of the relationship”.
Of course, none of these options addresses the underlying cause of Love Addiction. In
fact, all of these alternatives actually serve to make one’s Love Addiction even stronger!
A wise Friend of mine once said that the only way to break any pattern of behavior was
to consciously choose a different action at any one of its stages. This seems pretty simple
and it makes a lot of sense. Of course what a lot of folks don’t realize is that, for an action
to be truly different, it has to come from a different place in our Hearts – it has to have a
different intention – it has to have a completely different goal. Love Addicts have only
one thing in mind when in the throes of their addiction – furthering their own best
interests. That is why Affection Addicts demand “love” from their partners, and that is
why Avoidance Addicts run from those attempts.
As such, it is not enough for either of them merely to engage in actions that look different
on the outside if their motives are still self-centered. The Affection Addict that is clinging
to a hobby instead of her partner is still clinging, and the Avoidance Addict that
superficially runs towards his partner instead of running away from her is still running.
The external actions have changed in both case, and yet the intentions behind those
actions are still primarily self-serving. As such, nothing will truly change in the
relationship, and their Intimacy will continue to slowly die.
So with that all in mind, we ask: is there a solution, and if so, what is it?
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