GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

as soon as I should begin the writing of this last book of mine, at thesame time to make visits, as often as possible, to those states of NorthAmerica in which groups of people were organized who were followersof my ideas.In this way, I calculated that simultaneously with the completion atthe predetermined time limit of all the tasks I had set myself, I wouldhave completed this last book, as well as the organization of everythingrequired for the dissemina-tion of the first series of my writings.And therefore, in order to change the circumstances which had arisenwhich were disturbing my work, I set off as quickly as possible,traveling first to Washington, then to Boston, and from there toChicago.But nothing helped—the same thing repeated itself everywhere!It is perhaps a little understandable that people who knew me in thementioned cities felt it necessary to express their sympathy to me, asthey almost all had known Mr. Orage personally and also hisrelationship to me.But the fact that American acquaintances of certain far southernstates of North America also began to do this—this was really "stuffand nonsense."Among the people of the Southern states who expressed their worldfamous"sympathy" were those who not only had never seen Mr. Oragebut had never even heard of his existence.They had just learned a few days before that he had died, and that hehad been one of my most important assistants.And thus, among the number of unexpectedly arisen circumstanceswhich prevented me in this period from fulfilling the "Being-task" I hadset myself, was suddenly and unexpectedly established this viciousweakness, which has gained