GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

physical body of mine, but sucked from it several times each day everykind of accumulated force for will and patience.I was already beginning, strange as it may seem, to become adapted tothe conditions created by this common evil of humanity, whensuddenly, very s-l-o-w-l-y and very u-n-o-b-t-r-u-s-i-v-e-l-y thereemerged Madame Russian Revolution.This highly esteemed lady, though not yet standing firmly on her feet,at once began to sow within this poor physical body of mine suchinjuries and consequences that soon every atom of it cringed and couldnot get even one moment's peace.The months flowed slowly by; it seemed that centuries passed;my outer world already began to gasp for breath; at the same time,nevertheless, the vivification produced by the ever opposing factors inmy inner world increased to the highest degree.In this state of inner vividity, without thinking about future prospects, Iwent into action.Here began once more for this physical body of mine a series of"jugglings," unusual for the physique of man.I started immediately on a journey, again through impassable places,this time in the mountains of the Caucasus, encountering, of course, asusually occurs on such journeys, frequent hunger and cold, added towhich was continual anxiety about my near people, both those who hadremained in the chaos behind and those present with me. Then, on theone hand, there began a dysentery in an aggravated form, and on theother hand there recurred an old illness called "zhaba" (anginapectoris) which had been considered entirely cured.After this, several months of life under rough conditions, and thenjourneys from one country to another, with, aside from