13.07.2015 Views

GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

SHOW MORE
SHOW LESS
  • No tags were found...

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.

y th<strong>is</strong> time there was already a question as to the possibility of curingher.And in addition to th<strong>is</strong>, the physicians treating my mother, who v<strong>is</strong>itedme as old friends, often mentioned to me that her chronic illness of theliver was becoming worse and worse.I intentionally put away from me all thoughts about the reasons for th<strong>is</strong>second series of moral sufferings, because I clearly understood myhelplessness.All my attention I intentionally concentrated on the causes of my firstseries of moral sufferings, and on bearing their consequences, in ordernot to experience the sufferings of the second series.Just <strong>then</strong>, after many days of very active and serious mentation, Idecided to utilize for my aim the <strong>only</strong> means open to me in mycondition.I decided to devote all the functions of my inner world to the end thatsomehow I might expound the very essence of all the materialelucidated by me for the welfare of humanity in the form of some kindof exposition.With th<strong>is</strong> dec<strong>is</strong>ion, the very s<strong>am</strong>e day I set about dictating. Th<strong>is</strong> wasJanuary 1st, 1925.I say "dictating" because at first I was still so weak that I could notmyself write but <strong>only</strong> dictate.From th<strong>is</strong> very moment, with physical sufferings and frequently alsomoral ones of the second series still continuing, I wrote and wrote,made changes, and wrote again.From the very beginning, in order to clarify to myself the logicalconnection and successive development of the ideas of

Hooray! Your file is uploaded and ready to be published.

Saved successfully!

Ooh no, something went wrong!