GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

my exposition, I made it a custom in the evenings, both when home andwhen traveling, frequently to listen in the presence of others to thereading aloud of my current work.These others were always either former pupils of the Institute foundedby me who still remained with me, or simply old followers of my ideasfrom different countries whom I had accidentally met in my travels orwho, in accordance with an old habit, continued periodically to visit me.My situation at that time, as previously described, I constated andclearly elucidated for myself already in the month of September, andfrom then on I frequently thought and thought about it, with the resultthat finally on the 6th of November I came to the categorical decisionmentioned below.So now, after everything which has been explained by me, I thinkalready any reader can easily represent to himself what a dilemma thenarose for me, when, after working for almost three years withunimaginable difficulties and being ready to die happily, I certainly andclearly understood, without doubt, that, of these writings of mine,people who did not know me personally could understand absolutelynothing.My categorical decision, to which I came on the 6th of November,1927, consisted in the following:To mobilize all the capacities and possibilities in my common presence,both those personally achieved and those inherited, and until themoment of the arrival of the next new year, which moment is that of myappearance on God's Earth, to discover some possible means ofsatisfactorily emerging from such a situation.