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GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

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from whatever side I tried to describe them, it all turned out too long.My thoughts about th<strong>is</strong> introductory theme took such control of methat I ceased to be aware of anything else.Whoever might come to me, whatever he might say, or with whateversensations he might leave me, I noticed nothing;even my desire for frequent coffee-drinking or cigarette-smokingd<strong>is</strong>appeared.At times I felt dizzy, as if my head were actually bursting, but I stillkept on and on with writing, as if all else dependedon it.On Sunday, the 14th of April, just as it struck midnight, I decided tolie down in the hope of being able to fall asleep, but it was not to be.It was just the other way. The thoughts, continuing to work, tooksuch proportions that they drove sleep completely away. It bec<strong>am</strong>eabsolutely clear to me that without such an introductory themeeverything else would have no worth at all.Day began to break as I, quite convinced that no sleep would begranted me that day, decided to get up and take a stroll in the streets.As it was Sunday, and very early in the morning, there was hardlyanyone to be seen.I went down the first street I c<strong>am</strong>e to, thinking I might find a nightcafe where I could go in and drink a cup of coffee.As I went, I saw something moving in the d<strong>is</strong>tance on the corner and,on approaching, found it was the newspaper dealer laying out h<strong>is</strong>morning "wares."I decided to buy a newspaper and <strong>then</strong> go home and lie down again;perhaps by reading the paper my thoughts might be a little d<strong>is</strong>tracted,and I might succeed in sleeping, if <strong>only</strong> a little.

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