GURDJIEFF, G.I. â Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

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Instead of lying down to sleep awhile, I took with me a rifle and atraveling pail made of canvas, and went to a nearby spring of very coldwater on the very edge of the desert.Undressing, I began very slowly to pour this cold water over me.After this, though I felt quite well mentally, physically I became soweak that after dressing I was compelled to lie down there near thespring.And then, being so weak physically and very well refreshed mentally,there proceeded in me that same self-reasoning, the essence of whichbecame impressed in my consciousness forever and concerning which,on the evening of November 6th, 1927, flashed the mentioned idea.Due to its remoteness, I do not remember the exact words of that firstself-reasoning so discordant with my usual general state.But, having preserved in myself the, so to say, "taste" of it, I canrecollect it exactly, though in different words. It consisted of thefollowing:Judging by my fitness during the last few days, it seems I again have cometo life and willy-nilly will have to drag on and drudge as before.My God! Is it possible that I will have to experience again all that I livedthrough during periods of my fully collected active state, for the half-yearbefore this last misfortune of mine?Not only to experience feelings alternating, almost regularly, betweenremorse for the inner and outer manifestations of my ordinary waking
state, and loneliness, disappointment, satiety, and the rest, but primarily to be everywhere haunted by the fear of "inner emptiness"? What also have I not done, what resources have I not exhausted in mydetermination to reach a state where the functioning of my psyche in myusual waking state would flow in accordance with the previous instructionsof my active consciousness, but all in vain! In my past life, being forever merciless to my natural weaknesses, and almost all the time jealously keeping watch over myself, I could attainalmost anything within the limits of man's possibilities, and in some fields attained even to such a degree of power as not one man, perhaps not even in any past epoch, had ever attained. For instance, the development of the power of my thoughts had been brought to such a level that by only a few hours of self-preparation I could from a distance of tens of miles kill a yak;or, in twenty-four hours, could accumulate life forces of such compactnessthat I could in five minutes put to sleep an elephant. At the same time, in spite of all my desires and endeavors, I could not succeed in "remembering myself in the process of my general common life with others so as to be able to manifest myself, not according to my nature but according to the previous instructions of my "collected consciousness."
Page 4 and 5: PREFATORY NOTE Although this text i
Page 6 and 7: Tales to His Grandson, that the Thi
Page 8 and 9: first thing, is to prepare a nucleu
Page 10 and 11: PROLOGUE I am. . .? But what has be
Page 12 and 13: "black" thoughts, I had decided to
Page 14 and 15: with the impressions with which dif
Page 16 and 17: It would, strictly speaking, even b
Page 18 and 19: Under such conditions of tension ye
Page 20 and 21: Only the next morning, when it bega
Page 22 and 23: On this original instrument I then
Page 24 and 25: And I also knew that the reason for
Page 26 and 27: there, then also in an almost delir
Page 30 and 31: I could not attain the state of "re
Page 32 and 33: The difference between Him and my s
Page 34 and 35: always in my various general states
Page 36 and 37: Even my propensity during this peri
Page 38 and 39: physical body of mine, but sucked f
Page 40 and 41: From such a "promenade," it was dis
Page 42 and 43: my exposition, I made it a custom i
Page 44 and 45: ciently long and serious mentation,
Page 46 and 47: First to die, from a long-standing
Page 48 and 49: The fact is that my mother knew not
Page 50 and 51: I began once more to remember these
Page 52 and 53: From the very beginning, from the 1
Page 54 and 55: already here, that, in their compos
Page 56 and 57: All three of the aims, self-imposed
Page 58 and 59: So, thanks to this, the third reaso
Page 60 and 61: Although all the strange will-tasks
Page 62 and 63: wits got together purposely to thin
Page 64 and 65: which follow almost all the misunde
Page 66 and 67: INTRODUCTIONNovember 6th, 1934Child
Page 68 and 69: y me at the end of 1930 and the beg
Page 70 and 71: As the mention of such a free attit
Page 72 and 73: as a supplement to the used-up prod
Page 74 and 75: The result of this was that at subs
Page 76 and 77: opinion, generally for every reader
Page 78 and 79:
Expecting with indubitable certaint
Page 80 and 81:
"I am not yet certain if it really
Page 82 and 83:
FIRST TALKdelivered by me on Novemb
Page 84 and 85:
life of people by means of the Inst
Page 86 and 87:
of achievement of the required data
Page 88 and 89:
advice and direction concerning sev
Page 90 and 91:
Coming Good, was first noticed by t
Page 92 and 93:
ing himself with his whole being of
Page 94 and 95:
standings which had an equal relati
Page 96 and 97:
data for their psychic functioning,
Page 98 and 99:
SECOND TALKdelivered by me in the s
Page 100 and 101:
other "a flea on a chain," I consid
Page 102 and 103:
enthusiasm was that during our stay
Page 104 and 105:
as much as my deep occupation with
Page 106 and 107:
during these years, I want, simulta
Page 108 and 109:
actualized and which could contribu
Page 110 and 111:
the former group, a list of whose n
Page 112 and 113:
fulfilling of which advice may alon
Page 114 and 115:
wrote after I had very definitely s
Page 116 and 117:
of all sorts of blind events and as
Page 118 and 119:
strength always and in everything,
Page 120 and 121:
whole lexicon of words in the Engli
Page 122 and 123:
to concentrate each separate part s
Page 124 and 125:
and the third part should follow th
Page 126 and 127:
FOURTH TALKdelivered by me on Decem
Page 128 and 129:
discussions and deliberations of th
Page 130 and 131:
ers of his group, but all at once,
Page 132 and 133:
what Mr. Gurdjieff has said here in
Page 134 and 135:
my head in the cushions which, by t
Page 136 and 137:
those who belonged to the second gr
Page 138 and 139:
inherent only in man, I wish to giv
Page 140 and 141:
FIFTH TALKto the same group on Dece
Page 142 and 143:
in people in general, particularly
Page 144 and 145:
At the beginning it is necessary to
Page 146 and 147:
In my opinion, it is only by fulfil
Page 148 and 149:
phenomenal stupidity of people who
Page 150 and 151:
ciations automatically flowing in m
Page 152 and 153:
THE OUTER AND INNER WORLD OF MAN Al
Page 154 and 155:
presence of a man who has attained
Page 156 and 157:
presence of man, ordinarily perceiv
Page 158 and 159:
part of the brain, the second, in a
Page 160 and 161:
Work went so well that by nine o'cl
Page 162 and 163:
woke up my secretary who was sleepi
Page 164 and 165:
as soon as I should begin the writi
Page 166 and 167:
was not a 'blood brother' of his an
Page 168 and 169:
"All present sat or kneeled quietly
Page 170 and 171:
In short, irrespective of my unquen
Page 172 and 173:
I took The New York Times, a huge,
Page 174 and 175:
THE OUTER AND INNER WORLD OF MANTHE
Page 176 and 177:
logical Clinic for the Aged of the
Page 178 and 179:
in general and of its separate impo
Page 180 and 181:
which have already been mentioned.O
Page 182 and 183:
The first is the outer world—in o
Page 184 and 185:
This principle, which is beyond sci
Page 186:
And as soon as a man begins to thin
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GURDJIEFF, G.I. â Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

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