GURDJIEFF, G.I. – Life is real only then, when I am - Integral Book

"I am not yet certain if it really is so, or if it only seems so to me, ashappens often in the psyche of a man who has experienced a greatmany 'troubles.' Owing to the six days of incessant pitching and rollingon the waves of the boundless ocean, and to the frequent introductioninto myself of the noble French armagnac and the constant regulatingof its vibrations by the introduction into myself of the no less nobleGerman 'hors d'oeuvres,' something in me is today, as it is said, 'fishy.'"Three days after the significant American meeting just described,days which the inhabitants there would characterize differently—thosehaving many dollars in their pockets, no matter what were the ways ofobtaining them, as "passed with no monotony," while those for whomthe absence of these dollars is chronic would say "the shortening by onemore day of the approach of our last breath"—the five aforementionedAmericans came to me, headed by Mr. S.Conversing with them about all kinds of naturally flowingassociations and at the same time elucidating all the details I requiredconcerning the suspicions that had arisen in me during the reading onthe first evening of my arrival, I began to depict to them in relief all thealready described constatations of mine in regard to the arising in thepsyche of people, followers of my ideas, of this strange peculiarity andthe perspectives ensuing from this and then, speaking briefly about thereasons for my present coming to America and the impossibility for meto spare much of my time for the members of their group, I requestedthem to avoid what had happened during these days when, on accountof visits of one or another member of the group and their sometimesquite idiotic questions, I had not the opportunity to write a single word.I therefore proposed to them to form a kind of committee