Coincidance - Principia Discordia

COINCIDANCE 193
had not acquired an ordination from an older, established theological
academy somewhere in his career. The first erosions of this conservative
principle began when cheap Oriental labour was imported, followed by
not-so-cheap Oriental restauranteurs and, eventually, Oriental religious
leaders ranging from the cheap to the pricey. The great Oriental religions of
Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism are neither centralized nor hierarchical:
one becomes a religious "leader" by having disciples who regard one as a
"leader." The American courts have gradually moved towards accepting
this, at least when dealing with Orientals. The only legal actions against
even the most controversial gurus have been the imprisonment of Rev. Sun
Myung Moon for tax offenses and the recent arrest of Bhagwan Rajneesh
for violation of immigration laws. Since both of these Holy Men are
regarded as extremely obnoxious and nefarious by most Americans, this
avoidance of theological confrontation either indicates that relatively
absolute religious freedom still reigns, or else that—as disciples of these rev.
gentlemen claim—the American courts are getting sneaky about how they
handle heretics.
Yippie! Free Ordinations For Everybody!
Meanwhile, another step toward making the relatively absolute into the
absolutely absolute began with the Rev. Kirby Hensley, a waggish and
roguish chap who got his own ordination from a legal but disreputable
mail-order seminary. To give you an idea of Rev. Hensley's character, he
tells all interviewers that he is illiterate and that he got his theological
qualifications by having his daughter read the questions on the examination
to him and then dictating his answers to be transcribed by her. Insisting on
his own ignorance, not just of theology but of nearly everything else as well,
Rev. Hensley claims that every man, woman and child has the right to be an
ordained clergyperson. To this end, he has founded as a disinterested charity
so to speak, the Universal Life Church, which will ordain anybody, for no
cost, and without an examination. To make ends meet in this cruel world,
Rev. Hensley has added a rider: you can also get a Doctor of Divinity degree
from the Universal Life Church, but that costs over $20. The diploma is
quite handsome and certainly worth $20; properly framed and hanging on
the living room wall, it is certain to impress the neighbors, unless they have
heard of the Universal Life Church already.
When it was revealed by journalists that some jokers had acquired
ordinations from the ULC for their dogs, their cats, and even such colorful
Pets as parrots or chimpanzees, Rev. Hensley was not a bit abashed. He
commented in effect that all God's creatures are holy, and went on to ordain
Madalyn Murray O'Hair, the most vehement and controversial atheist in
the U.S.