Coincidance - Principia Discordia

34 COINCIDANCE
the will or intent to back them; most U.S. government promises are
regarded as signifying in the ghetto.) The classic example is the Signifying
Monkey in a legend so old that some folklorists think it goes all the way back
to Africa, as the cast of characters suggests. It is worth recounting at length,
I think.
Deep down in the jungle, near a dried-up creek,
The signifying monkey hadn't slept for a week.
Every night when he was ready for a piece
Brother Lion came by a-roaring like po-lice.
The monkey decided to down the lion, but being only a signifier he does
not attempt a frontal assault; instead, he uses the old let's-you-and-himfight
gambit, telling Lion that Brother Elephant has been "calling him out of
his name," to wit:
He says he fucked your mammy, and your auntie, too,
And if you ain't careful, he's gonna fuck you
This puts Brother Lion in a proper rage and he charges off to face the
elephant down:
He ran through water, he ran through mud,
He came to a bar called the Bucket of Blood.
There sat Elephant, two whores upon his knee,
He was drinking boiler-makers and smoking tea.
Lion walk up and spit right in his eye,
Say, "Rise, motherfucker, you're gonna die!"
Elephant majestically delivers one powerful kick and Lion crawls away
"more dead than alive." As he staggers weakly toward his den, he passes the
signifying monkey who laughs and brutally tells him:
"The sky is blue and the grass is green,
And you're the dumbest motherfucker this jungle's ever seen!"
Alas, the monkey laughs too loud and loses his balance. Lion is on him
with all four feet as soon as he hits the ground. This is where the monkey's
real signifying comes into play. With "tears in his eyes" and great sincerity,
he offers an apology and a ringing declaration that he will reform and mend
his ways. The gullible lion spares him—whereat the signifying little bastard
scrambles up the tree again and, laughing, declaims: