Coincidance - Principia Discordia

216 COINCIDANCE
Presiding over the ruin was a 24-foot gorilla in heat.
By autumn 1777, Colonel Muadhen had read the Declaration of
Independence and was convinced Mr. Jefferson must be an Irishman,
because he wrote better English than the English ever did. Seamus was also
in charge of a brigade, which had grown twice as large since he had been
appointed to command it because he once saw a rock fall out of the sky.
In fact, the size of the Continental Army was steadily increasing. This
was only partly because all that needle-sticking General Washington had
ordered in January actually seemed to have slowed down the advance of the
smallpox. It was also due to the fact that ordinary Work was hard to find.
The rich were constantly closing down their stores and great houses to
move to Canada, muttering about "revolutionary rabble" as they departed.
Seamus's brigade were informally called the Fighting Irish and they were
one of several Gaelic-speaking brigades—Irish immigrants from the West
Counties, where English was still little known, who had enlisted in the
Continental Army as soon as they discovered that, with a war on, there was
not much secure employment in the Colonies.
"No, it wasn't the airplanes in the Waldorf Astoria ... testimony is
unreliable where death itself would be abolished ..."
The offensive organ whose brother he had shot was on me in all
directions... However, the addition of further project parameters is further
complexified except when the man doesn't have a prepared Scientific
Statement through the plumbing in the woods of Ohio.
The British and their Hessian mercenaries went on winning most battles.
Colonel Muadhen did what he could to keep up morale by giving his troops
pep talks made up of his own Gaelic translations of rhetorical high spots of
the Declaration and the Crisis pamphlets by Tom Paine. Since he had met
Mr. Paine on a ship once, Colonel Muadhen improved the story and told the
troops he had met Mr. Jefferson, on the same ship, too, and both men were
Irish and proud of it. He didn't tell them that Tom Paine was drunk all across
the Atlantic and confessed to having deserted his wife.
The troops believed Seamus's stories of these two great Irish rebels. Tom
Jefferson sounded much like CLachlann, the rebel bard of Meath, and Tom
Paine even more remarkably like Blind Raftery, the satirical bard of Kerry,
by the time Seamus Muadhen was through translating them into Gaelic.
When winter came and the army retreated to Valley Forge, Colonel
Muadhen found it harder to keep up morale. Nearly 3000 men died of cold
in a few months, and it was bloody hard to find a cheery word to say about
that. Every morning, there were a hundred more corpses to be buried, dead
of exposure or influenza or one damned side effect of the cold or another.
And every morning there were more deserters.