Coincidance - Principia Discordia

COINCIDANCE 215
100,000 Fat Ladies from circuses. But there are no waters in Casablanca. I
am passing a chicken in the middle of a quadratic equation.
Although Maria Babcock was never exposed as its author, the Modest
Enquiry was obviously the work of a woman who admired the style of
Jonathan Swift but had even more radical notions than his. It said, for
instance:
There is no Christian church, from Russia to the transatlantic American
colonies, but that believes and fervently espouses the Doctrine that only a Male
may be a Priest, a Preacher or a minister of the Gospel. On all else—on
every Doctrine the devious human Mind can devise or invent to complicate
and obscure the simple Message of Jesus—they are in disagreement, one
with another, in a manner fearfully ferocious, cold-heartedly murderous,
wickedly unholy &. totally implacable; but on the Question of what Manner
of Human may be appoint'd or accept'd to the Clergy, there is a Singular and
Curious Uniformity on the perverse and peculiar doctrine that such a human
being must be in possession of that organ—blasphemously and absurdly
attributed to Cod by the pronoun "He"—which Doctors in learn'd tones
call the glans penis and which in everyday language is called, in more homely
fashion, the Willy.
Now, this Doctrine is so remarkable and yet so Universal that nobody
hitherto hath question'd it; it is generally consider'd a "mystery of the faith"
and beyond human Reason. A person born with a Willy may represent a God
who also hath a Willy and, upon earth, speak for that God; and a person, of
equal intelligence and talents, without the qualification of a Willy is forever
debar.'d from such Holy Office.
But, my Lords and gentle Ladies of the kingdom, in the name of
humanity, in the name of reason, what is so special, so miraculous, so sacred
about a Willy that it confers this strange potential Holiness upon its possessor?
Does God have no other trait signifying Holiness except "His" Willy? Why
is it that the meanest, dullest, most vicious and ignorant Man in the land
may always consider the Possibility that if he reforms slightly, or even
pretends to reform, he may someday be a Priest of Christ; while the most
learn'd, the most pious, the most devout Woman who exists must always
remember, and can never forget for a moment; that she is disqualified from
Religious Office for this one reason and this reason only, that she does not
possess the Wonderful and all-important Willy so central to Christian ideas of
Holiness?
What is there in the Willy that makes one a Representative of the Divine,
and what is there is lack of a Willy that makes one forever profane? Are we
to believe the Willy itself is some special Sign or Symbol of divinity, of the
infinite Godhead Itself? That God's wisdom and loving Kindness and Infinite
Power are secondary and unimportant, and would render even God less
Godly if not accompanied by the Holy & Paramountly Omnipotent Willy?
The priest, it hath been claimed, represents Christ, and, again, one must
pointedly enquire: Is our great love & adoration for Jesus based on his infinite
Mercy, his wisdom, his noble Sacrifice on the Cross, his forgiveness of his
enemies, his countless qualities & virtues that make him an Emblem ot
Goodness, or is the most important fact about him simply this, that he was
in possession of that which every Vagabond & Thief also hath, the Willy?