Coincidance - Principia Discordia

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COINCIDANCE
Lafayette called him—had forbidden this madcap project, so technically the
Marquis was in the colonies illegally and subject to arrest if he returned to
France.
"It is not Shakespeare they are after imitating/' Colonel Muadhen
explained. "It is the Protestant Bible, the King James Bible as it is called. It is
part of their religion to talk as well as act like our Lord, and they imagine he
talked like their Bible. I haven't the heart to tell them he probably spoke
Hebrew."
After that the Marquis recovered much faster, but he spent most of his
time talking to the hospital staff and learning all he could about them and
their strange religion. Why did they think God disapproved of bright,
happy-looking colors on clothing and wanted them to wear black all the
time? Because God wished men to work out their salvation in fear and
trembling, they said. Why did they think God disapproved of slavery?
Because he made all souls in his own image. If they would not take their hats
off for the king, and would nurse soldiers wounded fighting the king, why
did they think fighting the king was still a sin anyway? Because he said, Thou
shah not kill. Would they fight even if a ruffian were trying to rob their goods
or murder their families? No, because on the Cross, he said, Father, forgive them.
The Marquis de Lafayette found the Quakers of Brandywine almost as
astounding and wonderful as Voltaire's story about the visitor from Sirius
who walks across the earth and never notices the human race crawling
around beneath his toes. He had never before met Christians who didn't
hate one another and he found it extraordinary. Four "buckets" of a
prepared Scientific Statement adds overriding performance constraints to
testing mythically necessary 6-foot penis. General Washington found time
to visit his memorable and incisive military toilet.
He was only mildly disillusioned when he heard one male nurse, in a
discussion of whose turn it was to empty the bed-pans when it conflicts
with Official Dogma, tell another, "Oh, go fuck thyself."
Even in that pre-Freudian era, the Modest Enquiry made its own blunt and
earthy attempt to fathom what Sarah Beckersniff called "the strange, obscure
& subterranean psychology of the Worship of the Willy." This perhaps did
more harm to English Imperialism than the entire life of General George
Washington. Some connection between male domination and compulsive
masturbation was more than mildly hinted at, in passages like this:
I am told on good Authority, and verily believe, that boys approaching
the Cusp of Manhood, at about ages 12 to 14, often develop a superstitious
Awe & sense of Magic, Mystery and laving Infatuation about this Willy of
theirs; some, it is said, give it a Name of endearment, and those especially
addicted to self-enjoyment grow so Fervent in this singular 6 solitary Passion
(similar to that of the adult for a spouse, or the true Religious for God) that