Coincidance - Principia Discordia

202 COINCIDANCE
Dobbsiana such as "Don't just eat a hamburger—eat the HELL out of it," or
"Fuck them if they can't take a joke," or maybe even the Dark Saying, "GOD
spelled backwards is DOG, but BOB spelled backwards is still BOB."
If none of this brings you to SLACK, you can buy the thicker, pricier
Sub-Genius publication, where you will encounter a whole cosmology,
philosophy and eschatology, involving Jehovah 1, "Space-God," who
escaped from a loony-bin in another galaxy; Eris, goddess of Chaos,
borrowed from this Discordians; Spider Man; The Incredible Hulk; and Bob's
cosmic struggle with THE CONSPIRACY, which includes all the leaders of
rival churches and sects, along with the Rockefellers, Bilderbergers,
Aluminati, Evil UFOs, Nazi Hell Creatures and Communist Clones. You are
also repeatedly warned that the world may end tomorrow, but it will take
longer than you expect and be much more painful than anyone imagines,
but even that doesn't matter if you get SLACK.
Getting SLACK—like getting Enlightened in Oriental mysticism or
getting IT from Erhard Seminar Training (est)—cannot be described in
words or understood by rational intellect; it must be experienced. It involves
understanding that the universe is made up of two eternally opposed but
complementary forces, like the Chinese yin and yang or the Discordian
hodge and podge. The two forces are actually Something and Nothing
which is why if you look around you always see Something on a
background of Nothing. When you are in balance between Something and
Nothing, you have SLACK, and can then get Something for Nothing, and
become as rich as "Bob," Rajneesh, L. Ron Hubbard or the Pope.
Or as "Bob" sums it up elsewhere, "Hell, it's even more relative than
Einstein realized."
In the profane world, while "Bob" remains aloof and invisible, the Church
of the Sub-Genius operates out of Post Office Box 140306 in Dallas, where
the mail is picked up by two local advertising executives—who pass it on to
"Bob," I guess.
Curiously, there is already a Stamp Out Bob (SOB) movement,
distributing anti-Sub-Genius propaganda and warning that this "evil cult" is
only a money-making scheme. You can order a packet of educational
anti-Bob literature for $15 from SOB Post Office Box 140306 Dallas—
which seems to be the address also of the people representing "Bob." That's
odd, isn't it?
The Church of the Sub-Genius alleges that it has 10,000,000 members,
but I frankly doubt it. However, they do have many members in influential
places, as was indicated recently when the new "Jackintosh" computer from
Atari came on the market. Trying to run an ordinary program on Jackintosh,
users were abruptly given a short, sharp shock when the machine instead
printed out 100 pictures of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs himself. The Atari people are
stul trying to find out which employee slipped that bug into the software.