Theft by Finding - David Sedaris

Everywhere I go in New York, people are selling electrical tape. They sell it in stores, on the
sidewalk, on card tables, and at street fairs. There must be a terrific demand for it here.
On Rusty’s TV, on a cable channel, I saw a nude woman say, “I want to wipe my pussy with your face,
motherfucker.” On TV!
At last night’s Feature (gallery) opening, I heard someone whisper, “Is she the one who sets herself on
fire?”
I saw lots of chicken today for $1.50 a pound.
October 11, 1990
New York
Today I saw a woman with no legs who said, “Can you give me a dollar, sweetheart? I’m trying to
buy an electric wheelchair.”
I think beer is expensive here. A six-pack of Bud, for instance, is $6. For Bud! So tonight I’m drinking
Schmidt’s for $2.89. Lily told me that an ounce of pot goes anywhere from $320 to $400. I felt bad in
Chicago paying $60 for a quarter.
I haven’t worked out my coffee situation yet. Each night I try somewhere different. Chock Full o’Nuts
has too many distractions, so the best place so far is the Bagel Buffet on 6th Avenue. The IHOP gives
customers a whole pot. It’s awful coffee, but at least you don’t have to flag someone down every ten
minutes. Plus you could sit at a booth for as long as you needed to and they never hustled you out. At
the Bagel Buffet, you get a paper cup of coffee for 60 cents so it’s just $1.80 for three cups, which I
can afford if I cut back a little in other places. Now I need a library card.
October 14, 1990
New York
Tonight on 6th Avenue I saw a completely naked woman. She was black, disturbed, and her breasts
hung down to her waist. I saw her yesterday in the same spot, but dressed and yelling, “I’m getting
drunk!”
I previously enjoyed walking down 6th, but tonight it was rowdy and humid and someone threw a