Theft by Finding - David Sedaris

Apparently the Supreme Court ruled in Bush’s favor, so last night Al Gore conceded. I had to call
Dad for some information and the conversation got scary when he started talking about the election.
He’s always been a Republican, but it saddened me when he started quoting Rush Limbaugh and
trashing what he called “the liberal mainstream media.” It’s always the papers’ fault. Conservatives
tell the truth. Everyone else lies. Dad was foaming at the mouth over how Gore tried to steal the
election. “I’ve been so upset I haven’t been able to sleep,” he said.
Last night Hugh went to dinner with Leslie and paid $130 for a baked potato wrapped in aluminum
foil. It came accompanied by a teaspoon of caviar. There was a bowl of borscht and a tiny dessert,
but still, the centerpiece was a 35-cent potato. He was shocked by the price and tried to justify it by
saying that in the past Leslie had often paid for his dinner. He’d saved money over the years, and now
he was spending a little. Yes, but for a potato? “And I got to sit next to Yves Saint Laurent,” he said.
This still didn’t justify $130, and he knew it. Besides, ten minutes after taking his seat, Yves Saint
Laurent signaled the waiter and asked to be moved. For the past week, Hugh has been painting for
Diane Johnson, and the potato amounted to two days’ worth of work.