Theft by Finding - David Sedaris

June 29, 1998
New York
This morning I began my French class at the Alliance Française on the Upper East Side. There are
eight students ranging in age from a woman in her mid-fifties to a boy who looks to be around fifteen.
I worried I might be the worst, but that honor goes to an Australian who accepted a phone call during
class, braying, “Bonjour! No, it’s me. I’m in French class!”
Our teacher is a beautiful, mournful-looking Parisienne with long brown hair. It’s an intermediate
rather than a beginners’ class, so I assumed that everyone, like me, had studied a little before signing
up. One of the students is Japanese American, and when the teacher asked her a question in French,
she answered in English, “What? Are you asking me what I do? I guess I’m a student, OK?”
June 30, 1998
New York
Don called this afternoon just as I was getting ready to leave. I said I’d phone him tomorrow and
he suggested I try at around twelve thirty. “Tell Cristina it’s you, and if I happen to be gassing to
somebody, I’ll get off the blower.” I love how old his slang is.
July 1, 1998
New York
Today was my second French class, and I got to play Fabienne in the “Comment trouvez-vous
Paris?” dialogue we were asked to memorize. She’s a brooder, Fabienne, and I worked hard to
master her inflection, especially her line “Me, this town. I don’t like it. I prefer my Normandy.”
The Australian didn’t show up today, but the Japanese American student was there. When the
teacher asked her to play the role of Carmen, she shook her head, saying, “I don’t think so.”
The Brazilian guy hadn’t done his homework either—just didn’t feel like it. The teacher, Cécile, is
very shy and blushes easily. It took all she had to say, softly, “The next time, you should come
prepared.”
Last night Hugh helped me with my memorized dialogue and this afternoon I started on our next
assignment, in which Jean-Claude bitches about the subway.
July 10, 1998
New York
Rosalie transferred to our class last Wednesday because her previous teacher wasn’t challenging
enough. She’s clearly the best student, and is always well dressed and quick to help the rest of us out.
This as opposed to the Australian, who Rollerbladed to class, arrived late, and then opened the
window because she was cold. She didn’t ask—just did it.