Theft by Finding - David Sedaris

for her work.” I’d never seen this particular soap opera before but will watch as long as he’s on it.
On Monday he’ll appear again and say, “Excuse me, miss, but do you think I might look through your
portfolio?”
April 20, 1998
New York
On my way home tonight I passed a fistfight taking place in front of the pizzeria on the corner of
Spring and Thompson. I’m not sure who started it, but the kickboxer won, literally hands down.
April 27, 1998
New York
I’m reading a book Amy suggested by Maria Flook. It’s about her sister, who took off at the age of
fourteen with a fifty-year-old man she met at a bowling alley. He led her to Norfolk, Virginia, where
she started working as a prostitute. At one point, the two of them go off to steal a fur coat. They’re in
the store and he tells her to wait by the door while he stands beside “the Jewish piano.” That’s what
he calls the cash register, the Jewish piano. It’s such a good book.
May 7, 1998
La Bagotière
On my way to Ségrie-Fontaine I passed three teenage girls lying on their backs in the middle of the
road. It was a dumb place to relax, as they were surrounded on both sides by winding curves. I
walked by, and then two of them stood and asked if I had a cigarette for their friend. I indicated that
mine were menthols and they said that was fine.
Teenagers in Normandy always seem so innocent—even when they’re hanging out in a village
square, they always smile and say hello.
Hugh passed the girls an hour later on his bike and they stopped him to ask if he was English.
“American,” he told them.
When they learned that he lives in New York, they asked if he’d ever seen Leonardo DiCaprio.
“Well, yes,” he said. “As a matter of fact…”
I was there, too, and remember it clearly. DiCaprio was with a beautiful young woman, stepping
out of a cab in front of the Museum of Natural History. He tried to pay with a $50, and when the
driver said that the bill was too big, the movie star stood in line at the hot-dog cart and got change
there. That’s what being famous gets you in New York: change.
The girls asked Hugh what other famous people he’d seen and he said something unsatisfying like
“Oh, you know.”
I keep a list of the stars I see, but even without it I’d have made things up, just to get a reaction out
of them. I would have given them the New York they imagine, the one where you can’t leave your