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couver, and many other cities. As my income rose, so too did
my expenditures across the board. I updated my wardrobe. I
traveled to more places (three dozen countries in three years).
I bought a car and paid it off. I treated my friends well and ate
at nice places. Sometimes, poker winnings didn't always feel
'earned' (even though I was cognizant of the work I had put in
to become a world-class player and knew the earnings to be in
fact earned) and so spending was easier because it didn't feel
like parting away with hard-earned money at times.
Most poker players are quick to accentuate or focus on
their wins but rarely talk about their losses. even when I was
at the peak of my career, playing my absolute best, putting
the most time and focus into it, playing the highest stakes, I
still had many horrendous downswings. I had countless breakeven
months. I would win $40k in a week and then drop it
the next week. My worst session was six hours and I dropped
$25k. I remember it to this day. I went to grab sushi with a
friend that night and she lamented that the bill was $40. I
abstained from describing the poker doom session I had endured
earlier that afternoon.
Times like those can be very testing. Most people can only
relate to what it feels like to lose ten bucks on a hand of blackjack.
But it's not just the money factor, although it is a big
one. It's just simply the constant scrutiny and constant setbacks.
Most people's jobs don't involve constant failure where
you just get kicked to the curb over and over, but if you are
to accept the long-run nature of poker statistics, you are going
to lose all the time if you play a lot. And all I can say is
there is no other feeling than to play poker as your job and
lose an exorbitant sum here and there or suffer prolonged
downswings. You feel like a piece of shit. You question your
skills and merit. You start to question everything. It is very
disheartening and discouraging and you start to think about
all the things you could have bought for yourself or others
with the money you just lost playing a game of cards. Mostly,
you actually occasionally envy the people who can just clock in
and clock out of work and take on no responsibility and suffer
no duress and receive the same paycheck each week.
of course, that is the inherent trap, because this is absolutely
the wrong way to approach the game mentally. And
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