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waiting to hear whether or not I would be tried as an adult for
murder. With my mother sitting behind me in the courtroom,
I was shackled and forced to look straight ahead. I wanted so
bad to look back and tell her that I loved her. They wouldn’t
let me. Reality started setting in that everything I had done
was not just affecting me, but my family as well. Then the
judge said, “Mr. Monroe, you are a cold-blooded murderer
and have no remorse for human life. For that reason, I am
trying you as an adult and sending you to prison for the rest
of your life.” My whole body went numb and I felt paralyzed
with fear as the words vibrated off my eardrum. As horrific as
these words were to me, the most terrifying thing I have ever
heard in my life was not words at all. It was the scream that
came out of my mother’s mouth when she realized that she
had lost her son.
I had spent my childhood convincing myself that my life
was “f--- up” and that no one loved me. Yes, my life wasn’t
the best, but that scream came from her soul. That scream
told me that she loved me so much that she would never be
the same without me. That scream told me that I was loved
and cared about more than I could ever know. That scream
changed my life.
I knew that I had to change the things I was doing, my
attitude, and the way I viewed things. This was not an easy
thing to do! I was only fifteen years old and still very immature.
nevertheless, the seed was planted! I once read “The
only people to get even with are those who’ve helped you.” So
despite all of the bad things in my life, for once I was going
to get even with someone who was there for me and loved me
unconditionally . . . my mom. There is no greater feeling in the
world than making someone you love and care about proud
of you! While I will never forget the terrifying sound of her
scream, hearing her tell me, “I’m so proud of you son,” has
only motivated me to keep growing and doing amazing things
despite my circumstances. And trust me, this place is full of
people who will get on your nerves, push your buttons, and
tempt you to throw all of your hard work away. But none of
them are more important than me going home to my family
and being free.
It is extremely hard for me to write about stuff like this
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