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had been going to do something that I shouldn't have and he
had called my name to tell me to stop, but when I turned with
a smile, he was kind of blindsided and let me carry on. I don't
know how common this is though.
how it affects you personally
I alluded to this in the introduction, but having both looks
and brains forces you to make a choice early on about how
much you should use each to your advantage. I chose to develop
my brain and try to the best of my ability ignore the effect
that my appearance had on others. one thing I had to do after
making that decision was figure out where to draw the line in
terms of what kind of help and favors it's acceptable to accept
and what kind are not. Pretty people have the advantage of
others liking being around them and not having to repay any
favors, as if their presence is enough. I wasn't able to help
whether or not the people helping me were attracted to me or
not but I did try and behave as much as possible like I didn't
take their help for granted. For me, this meant that whenever
a classmate helped me with my work or to understand the
material, I made sure to do something to show my gratitude,
whether it be by baking them cookies or by helping them with
homework for another class.
how it affects you intellectually
Being intelligent and attractive can cause more pain than you
realize. It's like the difference between humans and other animals,
in that only we know that we'll someday die and dwell
upon that. Similarly, as an intelligent person, I am fully aware
of the fact that my beauty is ephemeral. In some ways, you
look forward to being freed from the stifling weight of constantly
worrying about your looks and how much your personal/intellectual
merit has gotten you in life versus your looks.
But mostly, you're afraid. I've never known a life of being unattractive
to other people. I have no idea how much I've been
living a "charmed life" or not because of them. I redouble my
resolve to cultivate a mind so bright and a soul so light that
even without my looks, I will be of value to my friends, family,
and the world at large.
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