Untitled - Electric Scotland

156 LIFE OF ARCHBISHOP TAIT [CH. v.
bed. All through the worst days, and still more when I was re
covering, she was ready to pray with me, and to repeat helpful
texts and . . . hymns. Never shall I forget the thankfulness with
which at last on Easter Day though my health was much shattered
for life, and I rose a very different man in bodily strength from
what I had been when I lay down she and I together returned
thanks and received the Holy Communion amid the bright band
l
of youthful worshippers in the dear Rugby chapel."
For two years more he continued his Rugby work, and
though there was no apparent lack of efficiency,
and no
decrease in the reputation* or numbers of the school, it
became clear both to himself and to his intimate friends
that his physical powers were no longer equal to the
strain of a schoolmaster s life. It was still uncertain
what the effect of arduous work might be upon his
weakened heart, and there were recurring warnings which
he dared not disregard.
"
Perhaps it is good for me to meet with these checks, for
they make me better able to realise my entire dependence upon
God. I have at times thought what a dreadful thing it would
be to have some organic disease which one knew must cut one
off some day in a moment without warning. But, after all, would
not this enable a man only the better to realise the fact of his
responsibility? ... If it is indeed Thy good will to make me, either
here or elsewhere, still useful to Thy Church on earth, may I
never lose the very solemn thoughts which Thou hast brought
near to me. . . . When I think of past times there are certain
days which occur vividly to me my ordination day, some Ash
Wednesdays passed in Oxford of which I have a record. How
solemn a day should Ash Wednesday be to me when I think
how, on its last return, I lay on the very brink of the grave. May
I never forget the day in which Bucknill told me after evening
chapel how he expected I should die. . . . For Jesus Christ s
sakje, make me a faithful minister of Thy word. Lord, save me
from my evil heart. Amen."
And again :
"
Lord, Thou only knowest whether I can carry through my
1 Catharine and Craufurd Tait, p. 26.