WATERING THE NEIGHBOUR'S GARDEN: THE GROWING - CICRED

IS SON PREFERENCE EMERGING AMONG THE NAYARS OF KERALA …?
middle-aged man, “At that time there was not much bond or
connection between fathers and children. Now it is more natural that
children live with both father and mother and the parents take care of
their children”. The stress on the ‘naturalness’ of the father-child bond
echoes the late 19 th century social debates surrounding the legislative
abolition of matriliny (Arunima, 2003).
Changes in naming practices also reflect the increasing centrality
of males, where daughters had previously carried on the lineage.
Earlier, the matrilineal naming rule usually comprised the tharavadu
(matrilineal household) name, followed by the person’s given name.
With modernization however, the father’s name has gained
prominence. A 52-year-old woman of prosperous family said:
“We value daughters because they carry on our lineage and
name. But nowadays, we all have to fill out forms for everything,
such as school certificates, passport, etc. and we
have to write according to the modern system: first our
own name, and then father’s name.”
After marriage, women’s names change to include the husband’s
name, which historically had never been the case. Male kin still perform
funeral rites.
Another reason for son preference across Asia has been that sons
provide old age support for parents. While previously older Nayar
persons would reside lifelong in their natal tharavadu, our participants
mostly expressed a wish to continue living in independent, nuclear
families as long as health permitted. When this was no longer possible,
many suggested that they would prefer to live with married sons, even
though some said they felt daughters would provide better care.
Among the most striking changes has been the shift in marriage
customs away from former simplicity toward lavish expenditure mostly
borne by the bride’s family. A 98-year-old woman from an upper
socioeconomic group, living with her married son and daughter-in-law,
said:
“In those days [...] a few people only would come from
that side, only the groom and one or two people [...] It
would be considered shameful if a lot of people came from
their side to eat at the bride’s house. The actual wedding
was very simple. A brass lamp was placed in the centre of
the hall, and a small ceremony conducted with the family
elders present. Even their clothes were quite simple. Then
there would be just a small feast.”
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