The-Conquest-of-Happiness-by-Bertrand-Russell

be if he were not loved at all. The habits of mind
formed in early years are likely to persist through
life. Many people when they fall in love look for a
little haven of refuge from the world, where they
can be sure of being admired when they are not
admirable, and praised when they are not -
praiseworthy. To many men home is a refuge from
the truth: it is their fear and their timidities that
make them enjoy a companionship in which these
feelings are put to rest. They seek from their wives
what they obtained formerly from an unwise
mother, and yet they are surprised if their wives
regard them as grown-up children.
To define the best kind of affection is not
altogether easy, since clearly there will be some
protective element in it . We do not feel indifferent
to the hurts of people whom we love. I think,
however, that apprehension of misfortune, as
opposed to sympathy with a misfortune that has
actually occurred, should play as small a part as
possible in affection. Fear for others is only a
shade better than fear for ourselves. Moreover it is