Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

Promethium‐mur Journal 35
29/00:00 MIND 2 All of a sudden, I am overwhelmed, it seems like there is too much to do, it seems like it is too much, it seems,
insurmountable, to be aware of all of this stuff that I have to attend to in myself, things that I have to attend to
in the day-to-day, how am I supposed to keep track of and maintain all of that?
29/00:00 MIND 2 Visiting my mom's house in Arizona, I had the image of the Little Dutch Boy, putting his finger in the dyke
trying to hold the water in.
29/00:00 MIND 2 Yeah, the Little Dutch Boy, panicked feeling, responsible, and very aware.
29/00:00 MIND 2 The water feels vibratory, like a vibration, like an energy, very vibratory, how do I explain this? Like a gong
that is hit, you feel this wave sensation, you can feel it radiating, vibrating in the air, it's very shaky, (sigh).
29/00:00 MIND 2 What it is, it is like, what if you had to monitor all of those automatic processes in the body, the heart, the
blood, the lungs, it is very weird, that is what that the Little Dutch Boy feels, having to do all of that…
29/00:00 MIND 2 Out of sync, I don't like the feeling. It makes time feel really weird, it's too slow or too fast, I can't believe that
it is the middle of the month already. What is happening. The autumn is one of my favorite times of the year.
29/00:00 MIND 2 This wave, it just moves, like an arm waving rhythmically. It reminds me of this dream that I had.
29/00:00 MIND 2 It's like a gong being struck, that sound of the hit, it's not the hit of the gong, it's the remnant of the vibration
that lingers, that carries, that vibration, the energy, it all hums. Like a microwave if you think about it
(laughter).
29/00:00 MIND 2 Is this the hum of everything, is this what is always in the background, the vibration, the hum, this pulsing
tone, this hum, I wish I could mimic and capture this tone, if you could peel it all back this is what it would
feel like.
29/00:00 MIND 2 I just have to make a sound, a shriek (tears in eyes). I am holding my mouth with my hands.
29/00:00 MIND 2 I became self-conscious all of a sudden, wow this is really vulnerable, oh this is weird, I am saying a lot of
weirdness right now.
29/00:00 MIND 2 When I was in Chicago, my sister and her girlfriend, and her sister came along, I said, as we entered a
restaurant, "I don't like the feeling of this place, let's get out of here!" The sister said, "I noticed that that is
how your family approaches things, the sense perceptions, the feeling of things, it's not emotional, it's the
energy of something. That is what just occurred, I was feeling the energy of it, so directly. I wish I could do
something with that...
29/00:00 MIND 2 I think that is something that I had, as a kid, I wish I could make something with it, I don't know how to
describe it. I wish I could live in it, to not be so afraid.
29/00:00 MIND 2 A feeling of constraint that holds everything in (HG that energy sphere, that globe, like an atom, a tight
constraint), the constraint of convention, having to do it right or good, or afraid I will do it wrong. The
convention, like when I am in with a client. Today I was a little more loose, I have so much more I could offer,
so much constraint... That's too weird.
29/00:00 MIND 2 My sister brought me to see a Shaman, he lived in this ramshackle house, there was a guy out by the garbage
cans smoking cigarettes. The Shaman played this big flute, he was trying to sell us his CDs about his magic
flute, he had no boundaries. Ants came in and were crawling on the table and on my arm, he squished the CDs
in an unshamanlike experience, my sister wanted to leave. I said, "No, let's stay." He says to me, "You think
you always have to be good and do it right, that there is a right way." "Yes, that's true."
29/00:00 MIND 2 His girlfriend is reader, she lays down some cards, "What's your question?" "I have to have a question?"
"Listen," she says, "You only have five minutes." "How do I get unstuck?" She said a bunch of things, then I
felt, "Oh shit, the shaman did something to me!?" I feel these vibrations.
29/00:00 MIND 2 All of the constraints, fell away as I was channeling something for my sister, I can't remember what I said
now. Then the constrains were rebound to me, the bind me, I can't express myself creatively like a child. How
come I am constrained. Someone else writes a book, makes a movie, becomes a photographer, where did my
childlike creativity go? That creative force!?
29/00:00 MIND 2 I could experience entropy, I could experience everything falling apart, falling away, disintegrating, then it is
constrained (clapping hands together).
29/00:00 MIND 2 Creative force, that vibration, I feel really big, I feel there is really a great person in here, not in a grandiose
way, like in a big energy way, express something, there is not much fear, it is just before the judgment that
thing before the judgment stops you. Like, "I am going to write a play", no one says, "You can't write a play!?"
I am going to do it anyway, I am going to gather all the kids in the neighborhood and make a movie, or take
photographs of all the kids in the neighborhood. I am going to move the Ketchup bottle with my mind or look
for the Virgin Mary in the clouds.