Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Promethium‐mur Journal 52 31/14:00 MIND 4 Have been trying for months to find someone to move a piece of furniture 300 miles so I can use it in my new office. It's a symbolic piece that feels perfect for this next stage of my profession. Just when I get super clear about my work priorities, a transport option appears out of the blue. 32/09:00 MIND 4 Another experience of "knowing" that I have turned the corner, am on the final stretch, engaged and clear in what matters most to me, what are the central aspects of my life that will guide my choices, even the most insignificant. It feels very empowering, exciting. Very different than feeling balloted here and there by too many callings, too many commitments. I feel settled, relieved. I am home, I am stepping out, I have made my choices. I have chosen. I am on my way. 32/09:00 MIND 4 Having to make a decision about a training program. How could I not seize this opportunity. But it is not what I most need at this moment and will get in the way of my ability to put my attention where I feel committed to. I can feel myself waffling, tempted, telling myself I can fit it in, handle it.... but that is my old pattern, and I am making more deliberate choices now. 34/00:00 MIND 4 I’m good, really good, 5 or 10 min before calling I thought don’t have anything to say haven’t been tracking for 10 days, a week, not daily, I was thinking I sure hope supervisor has questions, I picked up the phone and got really irritated, don’t want bother, distracting. 34/00:00 MIND 4 Got really strong clarity, intention what important decided clear focus, clarity, my core focus, this irritation like I don’t want to bother with things that feel like distractions that are pulling me away from who I want to be or what other obligations, like if bunch stuff on table sweep it off throw it in the trash just coming up right now pretty strongly… just noticing the strength of that feeling and getting that it would be good to pay more attention to the discernment of feeling irritation and put in feeling what willing to put time or attention to feels really big shifting from what I should do to what I really want to do. 34/00:00 MIND 4 In the retreat…. had people write myths where at and what wanted to do in life… think I’ll put it in, has to do with what should do and what want to do, a lot came up about choice and think has to do with proving…[see attachment] 34/00:00 MIND 4 Been living out of a suitcase all summer in less than a month done too all movement and shifting fine yearning to settle in calm and have a real slow calm rhythm, just standing here in the middle of my living room and just feeling that stillness and feeling like I’m coming to give myself permission to be in stillness is at least sometimes, not feel huge. 34/00:00 MIND 4 I need to go to event afternoon, hesitate car pooling and go on own, thinking on own so could escape and not feel trapped and want be in control choice and now feel with stillness can car pool if feel want to go… can just sit there be with it good exercise weekend activity just go and hang out however much time that is almost never feel like I have day off feels like part of that leveling out calm… 34/00:00 MIND 4 I’m feeling antsy want to clean my house before my boyfriend comes tonight 34/00:00 MIND 4 I don't know what else, sound like run course… and yet irritating thing interesting and know my life gotten really clear, pointed right direction how choose things feels like I’ve turned a corner, interesting turn corner opossum too so much for something done with… 34/00:00 MIND 4 How might be different, at corner ready to turn apprehensive angle ready to turn and feeling that sense of all cells and all possibilities available and now feel clear recognition the corner has turned and on my way and that feeling of infinite possibilities has come to clear substance form that already is now and will continue to go forward that conglomeration I’m metabolizing and heading off into a nice deep feel from a calm deep place and that feels exciting and energizing like a relief can (deep breath) can relax let things go let guardedness go just be move forward simple-ness have made can do triage based on everything that matters move forward based on this triage adequate… seemed like on corner not know which way to go ….. still hanging on to him… weird looking stuffed animal… looks like it doesn’t have an identity looks like an animal of possibilities looks like kindergarten make up barely formed odd identifying characteristics, not a lot, anyway… helpful see difference similar context 34/00:00 MIND 4 I don't know, what else excited hang up phone and get on it like should dance down street sing this is first day of the rest of my life something really corny… I feel pretty complete. 01/02:00 MIND 7 So low = worthless, like shit. Dirty, like stigma. Stigma = like this girl, didn't do anything to deserve this. She is low and dirty of course she should be treated that was. Of course. No thought. Already an assumption, a certain way of being of going. He was haughty, the system in India, you were born into it, you can't help it. 01/13:00 MIND 7 Trepidations, I've already not allowed the remedy in. I'm resistant. Here (heart). Like a wall, can't come thru, like I've put it here and can't see it. Just want to forget, don't want it to exist. I don't feel connected to it. I'm not letting it in. I don't want it. on a string, like we're connected, and I don't want it. Afraid of it.
Promethium‐mur Journal 53 01/13:01 MIND 7 Afraid of it. It's going to stir something up and not ready to have it stirred. I want sycotic approach, pretend it doesn't exist. Avoid. 01/13:02 MIND 7 Stir up, (HG) toss into air, It means changes, this change not ready for. It's darker, it feels bad, it might be needed but not ready for it. Not ready to have change. It feels heavier. Change is small things, changes of scenery, they impact, they are lighter. It's a big change, affect life much more. 01/13:03 MIND 7 Not ready, just want to sit and be, not ready for motion that will be happening. I just put foot down, don't want to have to…. Just sit, not ready. 01/13:04 MIND 7 Trepidation, hint of fear or nervous, wobbly shakiness. Legs are weak. Can't get my footing. 01/13:15 MIND 7 Stigma, a label. You're born into, you will always be that thing. Doesn't change. Darkness, I'm like the lower, the lower class, I'm stuck in it. 01/13:16 MIND 7 Dark energy, cut off. It feel thick, all consuming. I want to push it away. I don't want it. I want to protect my heart. 01/13:17 MIND 7 Sad. Shoulders go in, aww… heaviness. It's dark. You need to be saved from it somehow. Someone to come in and protect you, to help push it away. Image of superman, holding a kid and pushing away the bad guys. 01/13:18 MIND 7 Superman = it's light, it’s the brightness, the thing that will repel the darkness. Like shining a light. I got this image, a mirror, bouncing it off onto the darkness. You have a shield, using the sun to bounce it off to the darkness. The sun is opposite of the darkness, the light, the good. 01/13:19 MIND 7 The sun = reflected off the mirror, this "V" the mirror shoots it straight across. Shoots a beam into the darkness, you can see into the darkness. 01/13:20 MIND 7 Then the darkness can't be. It dissipates, it's not so all encompassing. Not so scary. Not so hard to get thru. Like that wall, that barrier. A disconnect. It doesn't feel like it's from this world. The darkness is not from this world. 01/13:21 MIND 7 The darkness = this thing that comes in, it's bad. It's not from here. It's from the sky or something. Not from earth. This dark spirit (HG) it manifested, it's not nice. It's going to take over, it's all encompassing. Dilemma, it's going to come and encompass everything. Encompass = can't breathe, can't see and in nose and mouth. 01/13:22 MIND 7 Takes over = encompass. Takes over you and everything, takes over the world. The thing that is coming to take it all over. 01/13:23 MIND 7 A dark spirit = it's wants to run everything, it's like dead, death. It's black. It's like rotting. It's like the shit. You can't get it off, it takes over, you can't wash it off, you can't wipe it off. Rotting. In the ground and rotting. The thing that is going to take over it's above ground, but characteristics of death and underground. 01/13:24 MIND 7 Dark, damp, like decomposing, falling away and breaking apart. It's gross. Don't want to touch it. Like when a body decomposed, once together and not any more. 01/13:25 MIND 7 Broken, it's heavier than broken, destructing, being eaten away at, decomposing, it's breaking down. It's rotting. It's not what it used to be. It's dead. Crumbling. Not holding together. Even composted, broken down into soil and you can't recognize it anymore. 01/13:26 MIND 7 The change - the shift from what it used to be to something to something unrecognizable. It used to be something that you could recognize. Thru this process, it's brown muck. It's not want used to be. You can't recognize it. It's not alive. Like a cloud that comes and takes over everything, all black and dark and not be able to see and recognize anything, can't distinguish yourself from it. We are all encompassed by it. It goes flat and black. It turns us all into same thing. Then no individuals. No difference. Everything is the same. 01/13:27 MIND 7 You don't know where you are and where someone else is, all covered under same thing. Not you any more. I'd be dead, not me. I'd be someone else. I'd be dead. 01/13:28 MIND 7 I don't know where I would go, I'd be gone. Like that banana peel, it's gone and dead, can't differentiate. 01/13:29 MIND 7 Can't differentiate = all the same. The image of soil, all the same thing. It's flat. Bland. It doesn’t matter, all dead. To differentiate is to be alive, a spark and energy. You are different you are individual, you have your you-ness. 01/13:30 MIND 7 The dark energy is dead, everyone is the same. 01/13:31 MIND 7 A spark and energy, a vitality, a light. It's your nature, your individualiness, it's life! We all have feet, and hands, but it's the vitality that makes you alive and can distinguish you. It what makes you you, the animating thing. It's the light. 01/13:32 MIND 7 The dark is all the same, the light has individual characteristics, you can differentiate. In the light you can see, in the dark it is all soil. You need the light to see. You can define, separate, distinguish.
Page 1 and 2: Promethium‐mur Journal 1 Day/Time
Page 3 and 4: Promethium‐mur Journal 3 01/14:40
Page 51: Promethium‐mur Journal 51 22/00:0

Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?