Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Promethium‐mur Journal 42 01/00:00 MIND 4 Laughing, it feels silly, like we’re kids playing at dropping acid and here we go dropping 3 little pellets and counting down 10, 9, 8… Like were making it all up, like homeopathy doesn’t really do anything were just making it all up, and yet we do have the power to make it all up, and (yikes face) hmmm is it real or not? Can we make it real or are we just imagining? Did someone plant all these acorns in the grass, I can pick out to simulate a real experience? 01/00:00 MIND 4 I still want to burst out laughing, kind of like a crazy person, a homeless crazy person walking down the street, as if you could be a homeless person and be really joyful. 01/00:00 MIND 4 Something about the two-ness of that tree or trees, I can’t tell feel really comforting, stable, anchored there, can count on them. 01/00:00 MIND 4 So a feeling of expansiveness from the skull opening all around, an upward energy, I feel pretty solid There’s no strong emotion just this being just being here. There’s a bit of an owl feel also with this sort of mass of the main body of owl and that head that is held up high and straight and turns and rotates somehow same expansiveness of head whether energy or antler or fur or feathers. Yeah that’s pretty funny jokes on you. 01/00:00 MIND 4 It lightens my load, invites spine to lengthen, invites me to be proud of myself, to be content with myself, to be quick and to delight in the world, it allows space for thinking and noticing and being unencumbered spacious airy, its pleasurable, it feels safe. 01/00:00 MIND 4 There’s sensuality, an enjoyment of being and moving and witnessing the world. 01/00:00 MIND 4 I feel like I could meditate for two weeks, no problem which I’ve never done. I’m even sitting in siesta longer than normally by now, would feel my legs are falling asleep, but now feels very comfortable. 01/00:00 MIND 4 I really want to wander around, would like to go to strange stores tonight, just wander around looking, stop in at two or 3 different restaurants and eat some place I don’t normally go or don’t know about, would really like to wander around. 01/00:00 MIND 4 The aimlessness, having no direction, like little squirrels that run around (teeth clenching thing) and there’s a little thrill which seems like a silly word for it, like wandering around places you don’t normally visit, it tickles my fancy, it feels like, I’m thinking I would love to do that for weeks and weeks would love to travel with no objective no set direction, it’s funny in general yearning to stop traveling and stay home. 01/00:00 MIND 4 (Laying back stretching legs) so even like this sitting feels really comfortable, umm, my back feels like a really good settle support, yeah like normally even sitting crossed legged even after time my back would start to cave and have to sit up again, sit up straight with ease effortless still relaxed quiet ease, real happy to be out here on the grass this was a good decision. 01/00:00 MIND 4 (Laughing) this really, there’s nothing physical really, no funny aches, I said that then starting to feel this pulsating, subtle energetic bringing me back to the start everything slowing down this trembling inside less tightly held less dense, look at all the men in their suit and jackets… 01/00:00 MIND 4 Umm, it feels related to the shimmering of being more or less material, more or less dense, more or less energetic, can feel a shimmer, a recalibrating experiencing itself thicker or thinner spacious or condensed, it’s as if feeling that shimmering shifts me to that place of slowness, of slow motion, (laughing) and that’s all there is to say about that. 01/00:00 MIND 4 (Yawn) make my little bed here, I’m thinking of a movie splendor in the grass about a woman going crazy… No wonder friend said good luck…. I think she falls in love, young crazy locked up eventually released or healed realizes she’ll never have that experience of splendor in her youth something like that.. Notices lying on own, with my feet crossed, I never do that. 01/00:00 MIND 4 My stomach feels really flat or strong, like Wile E coyote, narrow hips drawn up, no excess fat, got another upward movement, a tone effortless tone, people in body work cross their ankles because some energy tone is about to move through them and they’re not sure how they feel about it. 01/00:00 MIND 4 Starting to feel antsy, first I was thinking poor supervisor, she has to listen to me as long as I want to talk really, feeling that power of making that decision, I really want to get going, I got to get going, on that wandering and that feels real edgy, I want to get going, I’ve got to get going. It’s not needing to get away I’m excited, I want to get going. Really exciting this idea of wandering, like I get to scoot around, dig in the dirt, find hidden treasures, just look around for absolutely no good reason. 01/00:00 MIND 4 So something in me is saying that’s enough now, not like others say it’s done, it’s more like I get to go do it There’s this energy of doing, that’s enough, let’s go, let’s do it.
Promethium‐mur Journal 43 01/00:00 MIND 4 Well first of all, I feel like geez supervisor that’s no fun, I don’t want to do that, stamp my feet come on, come on, then if I wonder about not doing it I feel really disappointed, I feel sad let down, what’s the word… 01/00:00 MIND 4 (An acorn falls) So the acorn that just dropped felt like a reminder, it could be dangerous being here and like somebody dropped the ball, just let it go, gave it up, abandoned the project the idea, and that’s not so bad, oh well, not going to happen but there’s a resentment I keep wanting to use word deception, not a falsity were counting on something and now it’s not going to work out, really let down, reminding me of something from way early in my life, can’t quite put finger on had expectations then was disappointed. 01/00:00 MIND 4 So now I don’t want to play with you anymore you changed the rules and it’s no fun, I feel pretty powerless, kind of resigned, like float some at the shore of the sea, waste, rejected, abandoned, thrown out, tossed aside, just floating, totally at the mercy of the waves and the weather and those humans, stupid humans. 01/00:00 MIND 4 Like I would bounce up and open be released and then just bounce along becoming more material with each impact, very effortless nothing disagreeable about it, no pressure, no build up, just instantly, now ok lets go, something about an ability to shift or move or transform instantly with no preparation, yeah something about that seems significant can’t quite catch yet, something chemical, something new or a way chemicals could be. 01/00:00 MIND 4 Not really noticing anything physical or emotional, not that emotional invested feeling, I think that’s it. 01/17:30 MIND 4 Took first dose @ 17:30 on Tuesday, August 14, 2012, on the lawn outside of school. Nice to be outside, I wanted to be outside, on the earth. Thought I would lay stretched out on my back but was more seated, very comfortable. 01/17:30 MIND 4 Thoughts on taking the remedy: kind of exciting, like I am starting out on this trip. I feel teary just writing that. I also want to move through this experience with moderation, not taking too much time, being more concise in my entries, while also faithfully (now there's a word I haven't used in a long time) recording what I notice in a timely manner. 01/19:00 MIND 4 Wandering: went to Ragstock and bought 3, or is it 4, old kimonos. It is near school and I have often thought, over the years, that I would like to go in and look around, but have never done so. today I drove there on purpose as soon as I was done taking the proving substance with my supervisor. It was nice to wander around in there and I liked how it was a combination of a used clothing store and really cheap, funky new things. I liked that I was the only one in there. the two young women working there seemed like baby birds to me: a bit scrawny, so young, so pliably female. I was a bit worried if they could handle it, like if some guys came in there and were rowdy or aggressive in some way. they seemed a bit vulnerable to me. 02/22:00 MIND 4 Found out my new boyfriend's teenage daughter is going to move in with him for a while, the decision was made today, the first full day of the proving for me. Dismay at losing our times just the two of us, his apartment is quite small. I feel pushed out on the street by the circumstances, even if we're all just trying to do our best to care for each other. 03/00:00 MIND 4 I’m Ok, radar program… not too anxious about it, unusually so, or the time it took…. I love proving, always feel like nothing to say and then the word wandering is in there 3 times, just wanted to, was wandering around radar opus program. 03/00:00 MIND 4 That feels, umm, I feel a little neglected or disappointed, like they’re not holding a very wide container, or this embarrassing to admit to someone, not paying enough attention to me, stresses me a bit that it’s so contained, that there are limits, that not really we’re held back, but don’t feel a limitation to really immerse myself in the substance. 03/00:00 MIND 4 Trying to sense what it really is, I feel like I’m being given permission or reassured that I’m doing a half assed job, an implication that don’t expect that much from this experience and that I hate to admit it but it’s probably very possible to get the essence in this abbreviated way, a permission to let these things happen with more ease, feels like a moral of the story in my efforting ways challenged to not effort and trust things will get done. 03/00:00 MIND 4 Guess it’s right and feeling a bit caught, a thing caught tricked or forced into this experience, in a sneaky under handed way which I don’t feel in a big way just a little whisper of it, I was bribed by promises of easy results and yet and this makes me cry a little bit, wouldn’t it be wonderful that what if what in front of me could be handled in a quick easy way, wouldn’t that be something.
Page 1 and 2: Promethium‐mur Journal 1 Day/Time
Page 3 and 4: Promethium‐mur Journal 3 01/14:40
Page 41: Promethium‐mur Journal 41 30/00:0

Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?