Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

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Promethium‐mur Journal 54 01/13:33 MIND 7 to see = definition, you can define something. You can see it's life. In the dark you can't see, can't tell where begins and ends, in light, you can individualize. 01/13:34 MIND 7 Happy to see - It's alive (ENERGY) it's sparkling, that spark. It's here, you have it. It's humanness. 01/13:35 MIND 7 Humanness, aliveness, that light and spark and holds the shape. 01/13:36 MIND 7 It's been hard lately. He's moved on and I constantly thinking of being there. He's moved on, it is lopsided. I’m giving too much. 01/13:37 MIND 7 Like waiting on something to happen. 01/13:38 MIND 7 Giving too much = spread out (HG) overgrowing, it's taking over. Proliferating. It's too much. You don't want it, it's too much. 01/13:39 MIND 7 Giving too much, giving is good thing. Someone giving something to someone. A gift, a happy thing a sharing. Selfless. 01/13:40 MIND 7 Selfless = like having your own needs, and you forget about them to give to other person, not always easy. It's hard. Your needs aren't being met, but meeting someone else's. It is out of you. It is taking from you to give to someone else. Like you need it, you recognize that they need it more, a selfless act, even though hard for you. you give it to them. 01/13:41 MIND 7 It's hard, because you know you need it, and yet you give it anyway. Maybe it was something essential for you. Like a nutrient, a vitamin or something. It's promotes life in you but you give it to them. This nutrient would have helped you flourish, stay alive and be. This guy needs it more, you give it to him. I mean, you'll probably still be okay. 01/13:42 MIND 7 Selfless = for the better good. For the whole, for everyone, not just for the individual but for everyone. For the team. We all need to grow, we all need it, some people have to give it for others to grow too. It's just what has to be done. You don't have a choice. Because you are part of this team, just like the guy born into the upper class, there is this expectation on you. You will have to give it up. It's just what has to be done. Just the way it is. 01/13:43 MIND 7 This whole you give to... You are all connected some how. All part of the same thing. All a piece of it, in order for thing to keep going, sometimes a give and a take, it's not complex. It's not an animal. There is no benefit, it benefits the whole. The whole is still okay. It's not detrimental entirely to me. Whatever is the whole, what we are all part of, needs to keep going. 01/13:44 MIND 7 If you don't do this (give to the greater whole) it will die. (certainty) We are all part of this one thing, has to be give and take otherwise the whole will die. Even though might temporarily suck for me, it benefits the whole. The Handmaid's tale, like that, still dark energy to it, you don't have a choice, certain set of rules 01/13:45 MIND 7 Just what they have to do. Those women have no choice. The choice is do it or die. Just just what it is. Like chlorophyll in the plant, not a choice, just what it is. 01/13:46 MIND 7 Bringing something forward. It goes up and out. It moves, it goes. Otherwise, soil and darkness, not living. It's stagnant. Not moving not alive. 01/13:47 MIND 7 Up and out, growing moving and living, coming through. It's light. Before it was in the dark. It comes through into the light. Got out of the dark. 01/13:48 MIND 7 Superman is good guy, he protects, he's selfless, he gives, he puts himself in peril. He's strong. Selfless, what is it motivated by. It's just part of what he does. No one told him he had to. He's light. He's life, he has that spark, he shines the light into the dark. 01/13:49 MIND 7 Superman is Strong = his muscles, his goodness, more than muscles, he defends life, cause the dark is death. He protects. Otherwise the dark will come over. Oddly enough Superman isn't from this planet. The planet needs help to stay alive, we need help, he's our help. 01/13:50 MIND 7 Image of a planet, and here is superman, and here is the blackness, he will defend and keep blackness from taking over, he's strong and selfless. Good = pure, like a diamond. It is clear. It is not dark. It is shiny and sparkles. 01/13:51 MIND 7 Clear = You can see through it. Clear, like a force field, you can see thru it, it's bright and it wards off the darkness. 01/13:52 MIND 7 A diamond you can see through. The clearness, you can see and understand. It's clear. Clear is opposite of the death and dark. The light shines onto the clearness, but they are also kind of the same... clear and light. On the same team, the clear and the light. 01/13:53 MIND 7 Swings from one to other, either black or light. No gray. One or the other, not a combination. Doesn't mix (HG) two separate things, oil and water. Don't mix. Can't get something out of them. They don't make something together. They keep their own forms. They don't mesh, they stay individual. 01/13:54 MIND 7 You are going to need to push me. I don't want to. I haven't journaled anything. I was done. I felt like okay, just keep going on with life. That was it, I'm done.
Promethium‐mur Journal 55 01/13:55 MIND 7 I don't feel connected to it, don't want to do it. That nervousness about doing it. I'm hesitating, I'm hesitating. Not fully letting it come thru. That resistance. I shut it off, like a switch, I just switched it off. I'm not letting it speak to me. I'm resistant to doing this proving. I wrapped it up. That's it. Shut off. 01/13:56 MIND 7 Just decided I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want to let it. That's the hesitation, the trepidation. Nervousness, might be not nice. Nervous it was going to be dark. Instead of dealing with the dark, I've decided to turn it off. Not nice, you don't want to go there. 01/13:57 MIND 7 Heart is racing, it's scary. The dark. Around heart area, it's threatening. It will take you over. It takes over, it's around my heart area, makes me panic. It feels like its going to come and take over, you're not safe. It is dark, it's scary it's evil. Darkness. Like a shadow. It comes and comes and expands and grows and covers. It takes over, it spreads. Taken over it dies. It decomposes, it's in the dark, looks the same. 01/13:58 MIND 7 A little place inside of me and I can open the lid when need to talk to you. I don't willingly let it go. I'm afraid. Getting thru darkness is scary. I'm getting palpitations. This big shadow over the earth, destruction, it sucks everything in, it covers it all. Everything will die. 01/13:59 MIND 7 I know I'm not going to die, it's the change, the shift, the change from light to dark. 01/14:00 MIND 7 The change from light to dark. The axis, that's the scary part. Like an image of triangle, you teeter from one to the other, can't go back. Light on one side, if you tip to dark, you can't go back to the other. That is the axis. If you tip into the dark, you CAN'T get into the light. 01/14:05 MIND 7 The worst part, it's permanent, the change from light to dark. A permanent shift. You are born with it. You can't wash it off or clean it off. It's done. 01/14:06 MIND 7 I'm not letting it speak to me. 01/14:07 MIND 7 Hesitation. I don't want to step into it. Running from it. That shadow is coming and I'm running from the shadow. 01/14:08 MIND 7 Allowing it to happen, and it could be permanent, you can't wash it off. 06/18:50 MIND 7 This one, I have compartmentalized in a certain way. It's like I do have a resistance to it, but it is resistant also. I need you to be there to sort of 'catch' (totally my word, not the remedy) the information or the genius of the substance otherwise, I know I won't write it down, etc. I can't quite allow myself to fully connect with it. It also doesn't want to fully connect with me in a certain way. 06/18:51 MIND 7 It works against me 06/18:53 MIND 7 Cranky lately. Zero patience. Feels more intense, like "fuck off" 06/18:54 MIND 7 Like I'm done. Normally able to control it a bit more, now it is right there. Everyone is bothering me. Everyone is pushing me, come through me. It feels like I can't get away from them. It's on me. I can't get it off (referring to previous topic, stuff that won't wash off). 06/18:55 MIND 7 It is stuck on you, it won't go away. It can't go away. Defeated. I feel defeated. They are coming and taking over, I'm defeated. You can't get away, they got you. No out. They've taken over. Surrendering. No where to go, no one to help you, just defeated. No control. 06/18:56 MIND 7 Lying down in the middle of wherever… like inevitable, they are going to take you over, why even bother, you are defeated. Why even bother to fight. 06/18:57 MIND 7 Defeat = no energy left to do anything else, you leave and they come in. 06/18:58 MIND 7 Image, soldiers, you are one person, and you are surrounded, and they come in and take over. 06/18:59 MIND 7 A split from our body. It kinds of kills you a bit. There is something in you against what they are doing. In order to keep your "youness" you have to separate. They are taking over you. That is not who you are. In order to keep your "yourness," your spark, you leave. That wall, the remedy is tucked in a certain part of me. Something blocking it. 06/19:00 MIND 7 I can separate myself from it in a certain way. It wanting to not be seen fully or me not wanting to see it (the remedy). I'm not eliciting it myself. 06/19:01 MIND 7 Not being seen fully. Dark. You can't see. Like being in the dark without a flashlight, can't suss them out. It's hidden in a certain way. You are hiding before it comes to take you over. Image, these little people in their house, like Jews in WW2, they are hiding. There is this moment when they know it is all over. The defeat. When your spirit has to leave. Your youness has to separate. A coping mechanism. In order to keep your "youness". 06/19:02 MIND 7 Image of the Nazis coming for you. They are going to kill you. In order to preserve yourself, a separation from your body. You are not there anymore. Your body is there, your spark, your animating force is gone. A shell. Your body is there it is dead.
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