Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

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Promethium‐mur Journal 36 29/00:00 MIND 2 It's about your imagination, imagining a potential future, that's what that (HG hand waving energy) imagining that what that vibration is, creative force, a man and a woman can pop out a kid, that's a creative force… 29/00:00 MIND 2 My energetic size is larger than my body, a big energy, my mind is stuck on the image of a planet forming, things are bombarding it, radiation, magnetic pull, earth forming, continents forming, coming together, vibrating, very alive. Is this crust that forms is it going to contain a planet or is it like a sun or something. 29/00:00 MIND 2 Pulsing, waves, (HG waving arms) 29/00:00 MIND 2 It feels like there are all these blue strands, like tendrils of blue light. Energy tendrils. 29/00:00 MIND 2 In the Disney movie, Sleeping Beauty , there are these little fairies, there is one that turns things blue, this reminds me of this… 29/00:00 MIND 2 I can see the aura of blue around that plant, the umbrella plant. Maybe it was emanating off of my supervisor's head? 29/00:00 MIND 2 Where did I just go? That was wild! 01/11:21 MIND 3 Remedy tastes like radishes and hamburgers. Recall Willy Wonkas candy having all the tastes of a full meal. Sense of high energy. Going on a weekend and anticipating the high energy. Energized. All energy packed in small package. Anticipation/trepidation, not knowing what will transpire with friend. I need to stand up for myself this weekend. High energy collected but body cannot hold it until it is ready. Charge battery on computer. If you don't use it, it dissipates. Car going to zero to 100 in a short time. But it takes me while. Energy - Mars Energy - action. Creative energy vs. active energy. Creative energy = mental. Mars energy is physical. Mercury cardinal - mental. Mars = physical energy - fixed. Energy - nebulous - Neptunian. What has energy to do with this weekend? Deepak Chopra - line between spirit and matter. What is light? Talking is about making sense and saying something intelligent. Describing the sensation of light is pointless. Others do not respond. What I say is meaningless. Lack of communication from early family. Frustration, sadness. Parents did not respond. Underlying anticipation of weekend. More aware of potential situations. How will I deal with them? Will I be nicey, nicey or be confrontational? Hiding, waiting for something to happen. 02/09:34 MIND 3 Friday: At the opening of my weekend workshop on astrology. I took charge and started the meeting even though’ it was not my place. The energy seemed to be there and I reacted instead of responding. I felt uncomfortable. As if it is a woman’s place to remain subservient and patient. 02/15:30 MIND 3 Afternoon - reading of charts of difficult clients. I felt guilty since the instructions were to not use the chart of a famous person. But I had chosen the chart of a famous astrologer who had asked me for some help. The person was someone who was in great pain and I did not know how to help her. 02/20:30 MIND 3 The morning was taken up by sharing techniques of chart reading. Difficult clients need more psychological understanding and that information was not forthcoming in the morning. I felt cheated in a way, since so much more could have been done with the session. I realize that I am very knowledgeable and intuitive. $395 is too much money for these sessions. Do all group leaders follow the same script? Doing this at the home of the moderator I felt I had no choice about what I ate or the flow of time with breaks. There were centered around him and I felt trapped. I found that at the end of the day I needed chocolate - not just a small piece. I felt like I had a lot of energy, but it was controlled and I did not want it controlled. I felt like I was in prison or on trial instead of being educated in a nurturing, supportive manner. 03/15:30 MIND 3 Today we took turns reading each other's chart. I was talking prior to the person who was giving a reading. She needed a moment or two of silence before starting and spoke rather sharply to me to be quiet. I felt rejected and hated myself for being so insensitive. I am not sure I always use my energy appropriately and keep it under wraps. There is the conflict between how I use my assertive energy and my submissive energy. I see energy as a raging storm or a depressed/repressed/suppressed power. I felt abused. As if someone was trying to whip me into shape. - their idea of who I should be.
Promethium‐mur Journal 37 03/17:00 MIND 3 Saturday: I was to read the moderator's chart. My Leo Mars is square his Scorpio Mars and conjunct his Venus/Pluto conjunction. I wanted to help him see his unreasonable and at times vindictive Mars energy with reference to another group to which we both belong. We had a confrontation. Late in the day I was tired and unable to control the powerful energy I had so it came out strong. I did not use it appropriately as a counseling reader should. I felt that as the leader/teacher of the group he should have been more helpful but he was into his own reaction. My energy triggered something in him. I felt that I failed in the exercise as well as the appropriate use of my energy. I realize that I need to take time to manage my energy, but I cannot do it when I am tired, under pressure, and exposed. However, I feel good that I have stepped out of my comfort zone to look at how I use the Mars energy. 04/16:00 MIND 3 Sunday: - Today we presented our business plans. Things went better in that I got a lot of help from everyone on my business plan. My presentation was minimal, not as developed as everyone else’s. By taking the subservient, stupid role where I exposed by inadequacies, I got a lot of help. Does that mean I have to subjugate my energy in order to get what I need? During the workshop I was always last to present. Always last and get the left overs. Not being honored and respected, but seen as a little child. 04/17:30 MIND 3 Drive home was easy. When I go to Naples by myself it is uncomfortable and I feel vulnerable and insecure and a little apprehensive and anxious. The woman who went with me talked a lot but I was able to focus on my driving and be in control of my energy. I was able to let her know when I needed her to be quiet. It was good to have someone along to be available and I learned that I need people. I felt I was more in control of my energy, because I was with someone who was sensitive and understanding. I feel like threatened and cornered when people challenge me in any way. I feel like I need to hide. It results in hiding my light under a bushel so that I do not get hurt. Strong energy is scary. I feel like it will destroy me. 05/21:38 MIND 3 Monday - I was exhausted physically. Drained of energy. Yet I had energy to complete several tasks through out the day and take naps in preparation for very early and long day on Tuesday at the primary elections. Today I stayed focused and used the energy to accomplish my goals. However, I felt like I was in a time warp. Not that aware of what I was feeling. I was using the energy but in a less than aware state. 06/22:00 MIND 3 Tuesday - Rose at 4:30 AM to get to polling place by 5:30 AM. The day ended when I got home at 8:00 PM. It was a long boring day since not many people came out to vote. I found it hard to stay awake since I was already from my long energy draining weekend. The energy drain was emotional. I lost control of my emotions towards the end of the day when everyone was anxious to leave as soon as possible. There were several tasks that needed to be completed according to the rules set by the election board. This was another situation where I felt out of control of the situation and my emotions. I don’t know how to use my creative Venus energy and my action Mars energy to have things move in the direction I want. Does this mean I have to always go with the flow and submit? I felt as if I am in a rushing river with no control over how fast I go, or what direction I go. Is this a time to sit back and let the river rush along until it slows down and I can see where I am and then take back control of my energy? 07/06:34 MIND 3 Meditation on three cards which I chose from a Tarot Deck. They were the Aeon with an emphasis on changing my perception of energy and how I use it. The Six of Wands which emphasizes Valor - a more positive use of assertive energy. The Emperor about taking charge of my life and energy. I felt that I was being guided by friendly and supportive forces. I feel safe and secure when I am in my own space, doing what is best for me. How do I resolve my relationship with myself and my relationship with others.? Relations with others always seems to be confrontational. Outwardly I come across too strong. So I keep the energy contained. I do not have a positive way of manifesting energy outside of inner space or my quiet physical environment. I feel sad and angry. 08/17:34 MIND 3 I am beginning to feel drained - as if my fuel gauge is indicating moving towards 1/4 full. In the past I gave used my fuel (energy) for other things and people. This time I have been on a trip for myself. Looking at my relationships with others, determining the level of my resources, and realizing that I want to choose a direction and move towards it. This is like a journey by car - having the fuel to move, observing the scenery, watching the roadway - being careful not to take unnecessary risks, not to expend all the fuel. The questions is do I want to choose a destination or drive where the road leads me enjoying the scenery and meeting whomever and whatever crosses the road? This is risky but it can also provide enlightening experiences. 09/17:15 MIND 3 Today was the first quiet day when I felt relaxed.
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