Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

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Promethium‐mur Journal 64 15/11:53 MIND 10 I had mentioned early on in the Proving that I was experiencing this resonance with time…and timing…or lack thereof! I had heard on the way to work yesterday of a site called 'Shrink Your Work Week' .com. It may seem very elementary and almost silly to say that framing a task by putting a time limit to it is fundamental to expanding one's time resource. But this concept...of limiting time for each 'task' is one which challenges me. I am so accustomed to living in chaos with my hubby's hours and our son's extreme life-long behavior issues, that I have learned to cope by being in the moment....but chronically. That is to say....I have chosen (preferred) to 'go with the flow' to the point where I haven't ordered my day by setting the clock so to speak. Case in point....at around 11:00 this morning...just about an hour ago now...I was realizing (again!) that I am likely not drinking enough water. I amped it up a notch with the thought and purposed to start doing that and was going over to the computer to log this as a symptom....or at least as a journal entry...along with the other data. I became aware of a myriad of tasks that suddenly came like a wind to sidetrack my intentions. Thoughts like, 'I should call my sister so she can send out an extra invite....but before I do that...I better allow 3 hours for her loquacity...but what about the need to talk to her before I see my daughter-in-law, which will be soon....and then there's the phone call I forgot to make 2 days ago for my father-in-law who's a vet...I'd best do that first...but then I may forget about the matter of time management as a symptom and I might forget to log this and should....and I should....and I HAVE made lists for years to help frame my day. Gosh golly...just realized that I had gotten away from this helpful habit lately...maybe since the Proving. Not sure....this has helped to loosely guide/guard my time against wasted time & unfulfilled purposes. It may be that my brain is finally gelling from those holes that have been there for too long. I know I have had scatter-braineditis for a long time....I just can't remember how long. No pun intended. 16/00:00 MIND 10 The day is a blur. I know it started with going to Panera w/my hubby for breakfast before meeting with a young client for a follow-up. My hubby excused himself and I was able to focus on taking some notes and was pleased that this person seems to be doing well. Way better than when she started, but she is also seeing a therapist, upon my recommendation. It has been encouraging to me that both the therapist and myself have provided the same Tx plan as far as what to read, what to do and what to avoid and what to focus on. I did experience some symptoms that resembled a vague headachy, tired feeling and I needed to lay down when I got home. I wondered how much of this was my absorbing my client's stuff and what was just a valid symptom of my own. Our son's cat's are waking us up at night...at least the male, who will take a toy...carry it into the hall outside our door and then literally cry over it. We love this cat....he's a hoot and a honey...but losing sleep is getting old and taking it's toll. I don't have any other symptom's to report for this day. My previous tranquility and almost effervescent gratitude has mellowed some, but remains. 18/11:00 MIND 10 While standing at church this morning, I found myself rubbing my back around the area of my adrenals, especially the left side. It felt achy & clogged, like I needed to drink a lot more water only I wasn't particularly thirsty. The plumber who had come several days ago mentioned a word - 'Deglutinate.' I'm not sure if this is a bonafide expression....but my thoughts as of late are around my need to detoxify, especially my liver and kidneys. I'm looking forward to the end of the Proving & being free to tend to this next step in addressing my health. I'm hoping to treat myself to a massage as I have become aware of numerous aches & pains that come and go & I know I need to address some of these spinal/muscle issues. 18/15:30 MIND 10 Around 3:30pm or so I became irritable. I realized that I had been going, going, going and had not stopped to eat & this with only fruit & a peanut butter bar for breakfast. What struck me is that I know I need to eat well every 3 hours or so, but it's like I lost track of time and was compelled to get misc. chores done. I found myself resenting my hubby who was wallowing in doing the things he loves on his day off. Why wasn't I doing the same thing? I felt responsible for cleaning up the cat's puke as we had fed her something other than her usual fare...knowing this might happen....I was feeling indentured almost...and not choosing to just stop and get off the tyranny-of-the-urgent-but-mundane track. I could have at any point in time opted to just take a day of rest. It was so beautiful outside and that's all I really wanted to do was to sit outside & read my book 'Heaven.' When I noticed that I was starting to shake from low-blood sugar I made my hubby aware that I needed him to jump in & tend to some culinary chores.
Promethium‐mur Journal 65 18/15:30 MIND 10 I am finding that the fountain of thankfulness that had previously been pronounced at the beginning of the Proving was feeling as though it was drying up. Like my garden.....things are just really in need of water. I've not tended to watering my plants around the yard and I can't say why. I'm not THAT busy with things....and this bothers me that I have waited so long for rain to fall with out providing these valued plants a direlyneeded soak. All this whining may not be significant with this proving, as anyone would experience irritability & low-blood sugar from not eating in a timely way....but it's my thoughts around all this that I have noticed have shifted. It's as though old patterns are rising up and hopefully passing through....a lot of my tension throughout the past 5 - 6 hours has been about my feeling guilty that I did not call my in-laws today, w/or without any plans. When I woke up this morning, I had seen a card from our year-old grandson (via my daughter-in-law & son) to honor the Hallmark (sic) holiday. I have felt for a long time anyway that my hubby & I could be more involved as his dad is a vulnerable adult who needs a new wheel-chair and hearing aid. I know the guilt is partly pathological....and I need to just step out and do what we can do, and then be about my day....but it seems my thoughts sometimes get stuck in 'obligation' mode, along with worryitis about my kids...even though the Truth of the matter is all are alive and accounted for and on their respective paths. 19/07:50 MIND 10 While putting my son's car through the car wash, I wanted to redeem the time a bit by tidying up the inside of the car. It wasn't that messy so I just picked up a few pieces of paper and put them where they needed to go. This couldn't have taken more than 60 seconds....yet when I looked up, there was no more water spraying on the car and I could hear the blowers. It was one of those 'What the....???' moments. Where did that time go??? Was the car really clean....did the car wash malfunction and I just didn't notice? I did not think I was THAT engrossed in any of the so-called paperwork of tidying up. This happened to me just recently in another car wash. I miscalculated how long it would take to dry the car and ended up leaving with only the windshield dry and the rest of the vehicle dripping water and streaking by the time I got home. I sincerely hope this time warp stuff is symptomatic of the Proving remedy and not my actual state. Talk about lost in space and time!!! I think I'll go water my yard & garden. Much of what is out there may not come back...but I'm going to do what I can do. 20/14:00 MIND 10 I feel really off my game today. It may be that I was woken up way too early when hubby was fumbling with the alarm clock at 4:45 am (he's usually awake prior to turn it off) or it may be that I was woke up a second time when my son's alarm/radio went off in the guest room to the tune of Country Music. No pun intended. But I am feeling so sluggish and cannot get going on anything. I tried going for a walk but felt a bit depressed that I was seeing the same old route...never mind that I chose it. I can't focus on what it is that I should be doing and there are many things that I could choose from. I'll be going to my daughter-in-law's house this evening to be available to watch our grandson all day tomorrow. I am gathering things that I or he may need while I'm there. This is something to focus my time & attention on as I move through the day w/it's seemingly endless ditzy things to do....unfinished projects, dishes, laundry..etc.. I need to make some phone calls but feel averse to using the phone. 20/14:00 MIND 10 I feel a bit lonely, but don't even want to contact my hubby as he's at work. My chest feels a bit heavy, somewhat a shadow symptom of distant depression. I find myself sighing ...and if I had my druthers, I'd just go back to sleep, but there are things to do...places to go...people to see & care for. A conversation with my Proving Supervisor yesterday contained a brief discourse on Carcinosin. It may be that I am just revisiting that state (hopefully a quick pit stop!) with it's feeling of being overwhelmed. When I look at my life and the season I am in currently with objectivity....what problem do I have??! And so much to look forward to as well! I feel sad & almost like I could cry but there is no reason to feel this way. I know this momentary slump in my mood will pass and that I won't feel like a slug forever...but that sums it up for today's symptoms so far....I just feel really sluggish, mentally & physically.
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