Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

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Promethium‐mur Journal 38 10/07:48 MIND 3 Received suggestions for focusing on issues raised during this proving from my supervisor. When I began my mediation, I has jotted down some note from my proving supervisor. In order to keep them separate from my thoughts during mediation I chose to separate them with a gold line. I spent about 45 minutes in meditation. 10/11:22 MIND 3 1. RE: The person who expressed a vindictive and unreasonable persona: My perception is that his experience his heart and soul are tied up with the organization. Since he was not elected for another term as President nor received an anticipated award at a recent conference - he is angry and disappointed. There is a darkness around him especially his eyes. As if others are evil and he wants to get even. He has strong powerful ownership since with Mars in Scorpio is in the first house and Venus/Pluto in Leo in the 10th house. His Sun in Libra is in the11th house of groups. The early degree of the Sun shows he does not know how to balance the cardinal energy. His reaction is being sustained at some level. I feel this energy in my upper back. Radiating through to my heart which feels pain. 10/11:22 MIND 3 2. My experience of the vindictive/unreasonable energy. I tend to hold on to things as well but it gets buried in my solar plexus - upset stomach - my power is buried. There is gold there but it is buried and protected by the physical body. I have some skin eruptions on my stomach area almost like they are the power trying to get out - or - perhaps they present an ugly appearance and ward off people so that I am protected. 10/11:22 MIND 3 3.My initial reaction to our interaction was surprise. I thought he was more spiritual and objective. In looking at the experience a week later I feel an understanding and love partially in solar plexus and partially in heart region. But the sensation is tentative. Is this about feeling powerful and better than he is? I can’t quite make the leap from solar plexus to heart chakra. The stomach is the transition from abdomen to thorax or heart. 10/11:22 MIND 3 4. The transiting aspect working at the time of this meditation was a mystic rectangle. Moon in Virgo in the 11th house sextile Venus in Cancer in the 9th house - my philosophy related to groups - I see groups as an opportunity for people to share information and support each other - a loving, nurturing organization; Pluto in Capricorn in the 3rd house sextile Chiron in Pisces in the 5th house - finding creative ways of healing through communications. This has been theme for the past several months as various planets moved through Gemini. Moon trines Pluto and Venus trines Chiron. However the oppositions show the challenges: Pluto opposite Venus - I have an intense desire and need to be liked and loved. Moon opposite Chiron - my wounding associated with not having an affectionate mother. My progressed Moon and Venus are at 00 Capricorn conjunct the my natal North node in 4th house while progressed Mars in Libra squares the North Node. 10/11:22 MIND 3 The challenge for me seems to be how to utilize the strong Martian energy appropriately. The confrontation with the moderator raised fear in my stomach - the place between solar plexus and heart chakra. At the same time the challenge is how to be loving from a more detached/objective perspective - Venus/Moon. I would much prefer to float away into my brow and crown chakra and avoid confrontational interaction. 10/11:22 MIND 3 I recognize there was an opening at the time of the confrontation with the moderator but was not comfortable going there. I do not want to be judgmental. I am afraid of further confrontation. It is not my business to address his deeper issues. I may be too forceful in trying to see the other so I back off. I want to protect myself. My image is sitting in the room facing him and I feel like I am an island surrounded by sharks - actually worse than sharks - evil dark forces. 10/11:22 MIND 3 The physical exhaustion is about being so open that my energy flows out towards the other, and focuses on understanding, plus using energy to protect myself and control my self. Ultimately there is not enough energy to maintain the normal physical working of the body. Including maintaining the immune system. I would just like to slither way like a snake and curl up under a rock and hide. This feels comfortable. A nice green, grassy area with rocks at the edge of a forest with the Sun shining in a blue sky with puffy white clouds. My head is separated from my body. The mental activities realize they are draining the body and shut off and go to sleep. The major energy exhaustion is in the heart area and solar plexus. The throat seems nonfunctional as if the doorway from the lower 4 are closes off from the upper 2. The first 2 chakras seem to be in a resting mode, waiting for the rest of the chakras to get it together.
Promethium‐mur Journal 39 10/17:28 MIND 3 The concept of certification is a good one in that it mirrors the kind of review that therapists go through with their supervisor or mentor. At this point the program seems to be loosely organized without a set of goals, evaluations, and time lines. The original creator of the program has a limited vision in that he wants to maintain control of how it is run and administered. By letting go of the reins, others with more experience in psychology, therapy, education, and group dynamics as these disciplines relate to the practice of astrology can contribute their expertise. For myself, I would have liked to have received more information, guidance in the practice of astrology. I think this program is important for the astrological community at large. The difference with the moderator of this past weekend, is that he has an invested interest from a personal perspective. I think I have more faith - in that letting go of something will allow it to grow instead of remaining stunted. 11/10:48 Mind 3 Today I was reading descriptions of workshops for OPA retreat which raised the following concerns about reading charts. 1. I seem to have lost my ability to interpret aspects - I don’t know what Venus square Saturn means anymore - nor anything else along those lines. 2. My intuitive self seems to be more activated - When I pull up a chart on Solar Fire and look at the aspect lines into the center of the chart - Everything I need to know seems to be there - almost in an instant. 3. When I am with the client - if I open up to them on the intuitive level - I often get flooded by their "stuff". 4. I have also been more impressed with what synastry I have with the client - although’ I have never looked at that with previous clients. 5. So when I sit down to prepare for the reading - I find myself back in the early days where I spent hours preparing. I contacted the person leading this particular workshop about my concerns. His reply was "you are too ‘inside baseball’ " which meant that I was spending too much time going back and forth from one thing to another inside my head - going round and round like a grand square. He said keep it simple (he didn’t add stupid, but I have since found another word for KISS - Keep It Simple Silly). He suggested that I focus on the most significant transit of the moment and let the client lead the reading. This was such a revelation and shed light on the whole situation. Our exchange resolved a lot of confusion and relieved by Virgo ‘Paralysis from Analysis’ 12/17:24 MIND 3 Today I had several phone conversations with board members of my local astrological association. My goal was to maintain communication between different people and to set an atmosphere of cooperation. I was able to do this with ease and felt comfortable about doing it. In the past I would try to do what made people feel good; avoid confrontation by avoiding the issues involved. "Life is viewed as a battle in which triumph and defeat often feature. Intensity is a key mode of your self-expression. You need to balance this with some stability and practicality." This is a quote from an interpretation in my astrology program and represents the trine between Mars in Leo and Jupiter in Sag. Slowly I am learning how to recognize how I have repressed the appropriate use of this energy versus using it in a ‘practical’ manner. 13/00:00 MIND 3 Today was another chance at this new lesson. The interaction today was between board members of OPA and I followed the same path of using the energy appropriately. IT SEEMS THIS WHOLE PROVING FOR ME HAS BEEN ABOUT ENERGY 14/15:24 MIND 3 After the last few days I seem a little drained of energy. I received two emails from people on my Fairchild email list whose energy sparked me to write about the 1st quarter moon and an article on Woman in The Age of Aquarius. I find that I need a spark or goal to keep me going. This was a good feeling and re-energized me. 15/11:40 MIND 3 Today I dropped off a flyer promoting my astrology class at a local new age shop. I thought I would be received more enthusiastically but the person I charge was busy. Initially I reverted to the sense of being rejected and my energy seemed depleted.
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