Promethium muriaticum Entire Proving Journal

Promethium‐mur Journal 37
03/17:00 MIND 3 Saturday: I was to read the moderator's chart. My Leo Mars is square his Scorpio Mars and conjunct his
Venus/Pluto conjunction. I wanted to help him see his unreasonable and at times vindictive Mars energy with
reference to another group to which we both belong. We had a confrontation. Late in the day I was tired and
unable to control the powerful energy I had so it came out strong. I did not use it appropriately as a counseling
reader should. I felt that as the leader/teacher of the group he should have been more helpful but he was into
his own reaction. My energy triggered something in him. I felt that I failed in the exercise as well as the
appropriate use of my energy. I realize that I need to take time to manage my energy, but I cannot do it when I
am tired, under pressure, and exposed. However, I feel good that I have stepped out of my comfort zone to
look at how I use the Mars energy.
04/16:00 MIND 3 Sunday: - Today we presented our business plans. Things went better in that I got a lot of help from everyone
on my business plan. My presentation was minimal, not as developed as everyone else’s. By taking the
subservient, stupid role where I exposed by inadequacies, I got a lot of help. Does that mean I have to
subjugate my energy in order to get what I need? During the workshop I was always last to present. Always
last and get the left overs. Not being honored and respected, but seen as a little child.
04/17:30 MIND 3 Drive home was easy. When I go to Naples by myself it is uncomfortable and I feel vulnerable and insecure
and a little apprehensive and anxious. The woman who went with me talked a lot but I was able to focus on
my driving and be in control of my energy. I was able to let her know when I needed her to be quiet. It was
good to have someone along to be available and I learned that I need people. I felt I was more in control of my
energy, because I was with someone who was sensitive and understanding. I feel like threatened and cornered
when people challenge me in any way. I feel like I need to hide. It results in hiding my light under a bushel so
that I do not get hurt. Strong energy is scary. I feel like it will destroy me.
05/21:38 MIND 3 Monday - I was exhausted physically. Drained of energy. Yet I had energy to complete several tasks through
out the day and take naps in preparation for very early and long day on Tuesday at the primary elections.
Today I stayed focused and used the energy to accomplish my goals. However, I felt like I was in a time warp.
Not that aware of what I was feeling. I was using the energy but in a less than aware state.
06/22:00 MIND 3 Tuesday - Rose at 4:30 AM to get to polling place by 5:30 AM. The day ended when I got home at 8:00 PM. It
was a long boring day since not many people came out to vote. I found it hard to stay awake since I was
already from my long energy draining weekend. The energy drain was emotional. I lost control of my emotions
towards the end of the day when everyone was anxious to leave as soon as possible. There were several tasks
that needed to be completed according to the rules set by the election board. This was another situation where
I felt out of control of the situation and my emotions. I don’t know how to use my creative Venus energy and
my action Mars energy to have things move in the direction I want. Does this mean I have to always go with
the flow and submit? I felt as if I am in a rushing river with no control over how fast I go, or what direction I
go. Is this a time to sit back and let the river rush along until it slows down and I can see where I am and then
take back control of my energy?
07/06:34 MIND 3 Meditation on three cards which I chose from a Tarot Deck. They were the Aeon with an emphasis on
changing my perception of energy and how I use it. The Six of Wands which emphasizes Valor - a more
positive use of assertive energy. The Emperor about taking charge of my life and energy. I felt that I was
being guided by friendly and supportive forces. I feel safe and secure when I am in my own space, doing what
is best for me. How do I resolve my relationship with myself and my relationship with others.? Relations with
others always seems to be confrontational. Outwardly I come across too strong. So I keep the energy
contained. I do not have a positive way of manifesting energy outside of inner space or my quiet physical
environment. I feel sad and angry.
08/17:34 MIND 3 I am beginning to feel drained - as if my fuel gauge is indicating moving towards 1/4 full. In the past I gave
used my fuel (energy) for other things and people. This time I have been on a trip for myself. Looking at my
relationships with others, determining the level of my resources, and realizing that I want to choose a direction
and move towards it. This is like a journey by car - having the fuel to move, observing the scenery, watching
the roadway - being careful not to take unnecessary risks, not to expend all the fuel. The questions is do I want
to choose a destination or drive where the road leads me enjoying the scenery and meeting whomever and
whatever crosses the road? This is risky but it can also provide enlightening experiences.
09/17:15 MIND 3 Today was the first quiet day when I felt relaxed.