cultural resources in henrik ibsen's early environment - Ibsen.net

important ones escaped me. I lacked the confidence which is the precondition for one's
being able to give himself away completely in the situation and express the passions with
full power. I lacked the fertile wit, which fills out the exaggerated contours in the comic's
speeches, expressions and movements, so that the character becomes natural and
believable and the liveliness contagious. Finally, because of the small and restricted
circumstances in which I had lived, I lacked the freedom and absence of shyness in
behavior, which as a rule one acquires only by long practice, if one ever achieves it!
Therefore the greatest hope I gave myself for a future in the theatre, was approximately
that I could become a skilled and experienced actor in some years, and with the
acquaintance I already had with the dark side of theatre-life, such a prospect was not
especially tempting. Even before it drew towards the end of the season I was completely
cured of my theatrical illusions and in agreement with myself that I must try my luck in
another way, but which? Of that I had no inkling.
The time passed, or rather ran quickly during constant travels and small
adventures à la Bohême with the company. The matter of the shares dictated that the net
income declined as the evenings grew lighter; soon the directors could no longer agree on
the reckoning of the accounts, and Miller, who as he himself admitted was economically
independent with the aid of an annual subsidy from Christian the Eighth, left the company
first. Shortly afterward our second director followed his example and took with him the
repertoire and the wardrobe. So there we were, up in Vestergötland, most of us without
money for the journey home.
There was now no choice but to give a benefit performance with a repertoire
which we could play without a promptbook and in our own clothes. That brought in the
necessary money. This was delivered in the evening to the travel fund and at 7 o'clock
the next morning the departure would take place.
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