Salman Rushdie Midnight's children Salman Rushdie Midnight's ...

So there he was, this peculiar hideous youth, with an old hag who said, 'I w
on't stand up; my corns,' and then noticed that the mention of corns seemed
to arouse him; whispering the secret of her eccrine and apocrine facility, s
he asked if he'd like her to imitate anyone's smells, he could describe and
she could try, and by trial and error they could… and at first he jerked awa
y, No no no, but she coaxed him in her voice like crumpled paper, until beca
use he was alone, out of the world and out of all time, alone with this impo
ssible mythological old harridan, he began to describe odours with all the p
erspicacity of his miraculous nose, and Tai Bibi began to imitate his descri
ptions, leaving him aghast as by trial and error she succeeded in reproducin
g the body odours of his mother his aunts, oho you like that do you little s
ahibzada, go on, stick your nose as close as you like, you're a funny fellow
for sure… until suddenly, by accident, yes, I swear I didn't make her do it
, suddenly during trial and error the most unspeakable fragrance on earth wa
fts out of the cracked wrinkled leather ancient body, and now he can't hide
what she sees, oho, little sahibzada, what have I hit on now, you don't have
to tell who she is but this one is the one for sure.
And Saleem, 'Shut up shut up ' But Tai Bibi with the relent lessness of her
cackling antiquity presses on, 'Oho yes, certainly, your lady love, little
sahibzada who? Your cousin, maybe? Your sister…' Saleem's hand is tighteni
ng into a fist; the right hand, despite mutilated finger, contemplates viol
ence… and now Tai Bibi, 'My God yes! Your sister! Go on, hit me, you can't
hide what's sitting there in the middle of your forehead!…' And Saleem gath
ering up his clothes struggling into trousers Shut up old hag While she Yes
go, go, but if you don't pay me I'll, I'll, you see what I don't do, and n
ow rupees flying across the room floating down around five hundred and twel
ve year old courtesan, Take take only shut your hideous face, while she Car
eful my princeling you're not so handsome yourself, dressed now and rushing
from the tenement, Lambretta scooter waiting but urchins have urinated on
the seat, he is driving away as fast as he can go, but the truth is going w
ith him, and now Tai Bibi leaning out of a window shouts, 'Hey, bhaenchud!
Hey, little sister sleeper, where you running? What's true is true is true…!'
You may legitimately ask: Did it happen in just this… And surely she couldn
't have been five hundred and… but I swore to confess everything, and I ins
ist that I learned the unspeakable secret of my love for Jamila Singer from
the mouth and scent glands of that most exceptional of whores.
'Our Mrs Braganza is right,' Padma is scolding me, 'She says there is nothin
g but dirt in the heads of the mens.' I ignore her; Mrs Braganza, and her si
ster Mrs Fernandes, will be dealt with in due course; for the moment, the la
tter must be content with the factory accounts while the former looks after
my son. And while I, to recapture the rapt attention of my revolted Padma Bi
bi, recount a fairy tale.