narratives of three generations of urban middle-class - eTheses ...

‘present/now’ and ‘past/then’, and give meaning to structural ‘constraints’ and personal
‘choice’ of heterosexual coupling.
Case Study of Shanta: Narrative of the Second Generation:
Shanta begins her narrative by contrasting time frames and their associated forms of
coupling that are not just description but evaluative judgements. She says,
“We were not as ‘lucky’ as you all (referring to her next generation). In our times
we hardly had so many ‘choice’ that you now ‘enjoy’. Now restrictions have
relaxed. In those days we had to ‘struggle’ to assert ourselves and now it’s all
about one’s own wish. In fact, a bit too much of it (slightly frowns). I see the next
generation and think they are more individualistic and ‘practical’ than we were.
We were much more ‘emotional’. Love for us was ‘blind’, more ‘pure’, from the
heart. We neither had the choice nor the mentality to be rationally ‘calculative’.
Falling in love wasn’t easy in those days. It was like committing a sin and the
entire community’s eye was over you. Love never came easy and I guess that is
the reason we, more than our next generation have learned to treasure a
relationship and take pains for it.
Your uncle (her husband) and I had a ‘love marriage’ which was initially not
accepted by my parents. I did a lot to have their approval. We were neighbours
but hardly spoke except occasionally. Whenever we passed each other on the
street, we exchanged glances and smiled. There was something ‘special’ about it
that is missing in today’s generation of more open expressions. He would often
stand at the bus stop that I availed to go to college and I was aware of it and
pretended not to be (chuckles). One day he approached me with a love letter,
‘proposing’ me for marriage. I do not even remember how many times I read that
letter. Secretly I too liked him. Moreover he was from a good respectable family.
Much later I had accepted his ‘proposal’, deliberately taking time as a sign of
feminine modesty and shyness (laughs). Since then we courted for almost two
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