narratives of three generations of urban middle-class - eTheses ...

meaning, context and implication like I did for many other vernacular expressions. The
pronoun ‘apni’ is used in instances of high degree of formality, formal respect and
honour and in this context, a low degree of intimacy that presumes distance. In relation
to ‘apni’, ‘tumi’ signifies relatively more intimate companionship, more familiarity, less
formal distance and formal respect. However, it signifies relatively more distance,
respect and formality in relation to a third pronoun ‘tui’ which implies casual
relationships with relatively low levels of formal respect. It is often used in cases of
sibling intimacies of similar cohort group or close intimate/close friendships that are not
bound by strict formal codes of behaviour. ‘Tumi’ most often is culturally considered as
the most appropriate ‘intimate pronoun’ within a couple space. It must be added,
however, that this conjugal code is heavily middle-class and urban in nature. The class
politics of this intimate pronoun will be taken up shortly to bring out the politics in the
personal and the extra intimate in the intimate after I have described more specifically
the generational dynamic of this ‘intimate pronoun’.
The ethos of romantic coupling, as I have illustrated earlier and will further show, is best
appreciated within postcolonial Bengal as socio-culturally relational and as part of
embedded personhood (Smart, 2007) rather than of an individualized autonomous self
that is associated with Giddens’ pleasure seeking ‘transformation of intimacy’ and its
‘pure relationship’. Manjir’s mother, for instance, continuously referred to her husband
as ‘tomar kaku’ or your uncle rather than by his name, Ashok. She also, I noticed,
referred to him as ‘apnar chhele’ or your son while speaking to her mother-in-law.
Similarly Udayan’s mother referred to her husband most of the times, if not always as
‘Udayan’s father’. This habitual practice of referring to one’s partner (more applicable for
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