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MAGICAL MEDICINE: HOW TO MAKE AN ILLNESS ... - Invest in ME

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Comments from someone who has undertaken GET<br />

367<br />

The comments below can be accessed at http://www.foggyfriends.org and they make extremely disturb<strong>in</strong>g<br />

read<strong>in</strong>g.<br />

“I know I probably shouldn’t be compla<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g because I have mild‐moderate <strong>ME</strong> and it could be far worse, but th<strong>in</strong>gs<br />

haven’t been go<strong>in</strong>g great lately.<br />

“The worst bit is hav<strong>in</strong>g doctors and professionals who write th<strong>in</strong>gs off. The crunch came today when I went to see my<br />

physio who has been part of the PACE trial. We have had a difficult relationship s<strong>in</strong>ce I started see<strong>in</strong>g her a while ago<br />

as I have struggled to follow her <strong>in</strong>structions better and how I should tell the whole world about about my <strong>ME</strong> because<br />

I need support. I have chosen not to tell my parents….Yet my physio has had very strong op<strong>in</strong>ions on this choice of<br />

m<strong>in</strong>e and won’t let the topic drop.<br />

“On a physical level I feel worse now than when I started see<strong>in</strong>g her. She is putt<strong>in</strong>g this down to my ‘poor’<br />

management of my condition and the fact that I’m allegedly not follow<strong>in</strong>g her <strong>in</strong>structions to the letter. I am try<strong>in</strong>g,<br />

but my condition fluctuates so much that it is impossible to stick to a consistent rout<strong>in</strong>e and I am not push<strong>in</strong>g myself<br />

just for the sake of tick<strong>in</strong>g her boxes. I am try<strong>in</strong>g my best but it doesn’t seem to be good enough.<br />

“Today I had three massive lectures about different th<strong>in</strong>gs. The appo<strong>in</strong>tment lasted for over an hour and I was<br />

shattered at the end of it. I feel terribly blamed and demoralised by the whole process. She told me I was ‘an <strong>in</strong>telligent<br />

woman who knew what I had to do to get better’ (s<strong>in</strong>ce when did IQ equal health!)…She also told me I’m always far too<br />

negative and don’t recognise how far I’ve come. Personally I feel I am just honest and realistic about where I am.<br />

What is the po<strong>in</strong>t <strong>in</strong> ly<strong>in</strong>g? I spend my life putt<strong>in</strong>g on a cheerful front to other people and motivat<strong>in</strong>g myself with<br />

positives, but sometimes I th<strong>in</strong>k I need to say what it’s really like.<br />

“I feel like all I get are lectures about how I’m fail<strong>in</strong>g myself…I even f<strong>in</strong>d myself dress<strong>in</strong>g up the truth to make myself<br />

look ‘better’, which for me is a sign that I’m feel<strong>in</strong>g very criticised and belittled.<br />

“I just wanted to cry after the appo<strong>in</strong>tment. I have spent today feel<strong>in</strong>g quite low and demoralised. I can’t help my state<br />

of health and I am not deliberately do<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>gs that set me back….I keep detailed diaries about food <strong>in</strong>take, time,<br />

activity and mood but can’t f<strong>in</strong>d any patterns, even though I’m told there must be some. There just aren’t.<br />

“She has been promis<strong>in</strong>g me progress and better health, I just can’t f<strong>in</strong>d it. Perhaps it’s me after all.<br />

“….She tells me lots of success stories about other patients who have been through the GET programme and are now<br />

fully function<strong>in</strong>g. She tells me I can get there too…She is so positive about this that she isn’t at all tuned <strong>in</strong> to my<br />

needs and current state. I also th<strong>in</strong>k she’s too quick to look for causes of my setbacks when sometimes it’s just the<br />

natural fluctuation of my condition. The lectures I get are because she th<strong>in</strong>ks she’s motivat<strong>in</strong>g and help<strong>in</strong>g me, whereas<br />

I just feel told off and criticised. Who wouldn’t, when they are just told ‘You should do this; you shouldn’t do that; you<br />

need to be stricter with yourself or you won’t improve; you’ve got to get better at x,y and z; you’ve got to believe <strong>in</strong><br />

this; you have to work harder at it; I don’t th<strong>in</strong>k you really believe <strong>in</strong> this and that’s why it’s not work<strong>in</strong>g’?<br />

“…I was told today that my physio doesn’t th<strong>in</strong>k she can help me any more as she’s taught me all she can so I’m go<strong>in</strong>g<br />

to have a telephone review <strong>in</strong> the New Year – and then be discharged, I guess.<br />

“…Re the PACE Trial…I just found out who’s <strong>in</strong>volved and it says: ‘The PACE Trial is to be designed and managed<br />

by Professor Simon Wessely; that Dr Peter White, Michael Sharpe and Trudie Chalder will be centre leaders. So both<br />

Wessely and White are <strong>in</strong>volved. As for Chalders (sic), her book about ‘Overcom<strong>in</strong>g CFS’ is not even worth read<strong>in</strong>g.<br />

“…I’ve spent today wonder<strong>in</strong>g if I really am too negative about my health…However, I’m just tell<strong>in</strong>g it like it is and<br />

it’s not as if I go around constantly moan<strong>in</strong>g about it. In fact it’s the opposite, I usually hide it away and cope by<br />

myself.

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