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Author’s NoteI have been working on this book officiallysince 2005, and unofficially formy entire adult life. I have spoken andwritten to hundreds, perhaps thousands,of people about the topicscovered inside, and have read as manybooks, scholarly papers, magazinearticles, chat-room discussions, andblog posts. Some of these I mention inthe book; others informed almost everysentence I wrote. Quiet stands on manyshoulders, especially the scholars andresearchers whose work taught me somuch. In a perfect world, I would havenamed every one of my sources, mentors,and interviewees. But for the sakeof readability, some names appear onlyin the Notes or Acknowledgments.
For similar reasons, I did not use ellipsesor brackets in certain quotationsbut made sure that the extra or missingwords did not change the speaker’s orwriter’s meaning. If you would like toquote these written sources from theoriginal, the citations directing you tothe full quotations appear in the Notes.I’ve changed the names and identifyingdetails of some of the people whosestories I tell, and in the stories of myown work as a lawyer and consultant.To protect the privacy of the participantsin Charles di Cagno’s publicspeaking workshop, who did not planto be included in a book when theysigned up for the class, the story of myfirst evening in class is a compositebased on several sessions; so is thestory of Greg and Emily, which is basedon many interviews with similarcouples. Subject to the limitations of21/929
Page 5: —JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncer
Page 13 and 14: To my childhood family
Page 15 and 16: presupposes that energy needed in o
Page 17 and 18: 17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
Page 19: 19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
Page 23 and 24: INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
Page 25 and 26: squeeze inside the church until its
Page 27 and 28: 27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
Page 29 and 30: pairings—masculinity and feminini
Page 31 and 32: stock of their true natures. You ha
Page 33 and 34: example, are rated as smarter, bett
Page 35 and 36: 35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
Page 37 and 38: off each school day by performingda
Page 39 and 40: with me. I wish I could find that l
Page 41 and 42: she was in the real world, she wasn
Page 43 and 44: Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
Page 45 and 46: At first her questions were tentati
Page 47 and 48: so nice and so tough at the same ti
Page 49 and 50: extroverts need to recharge when th
Page 51 and 52: introvert would rather spend her va
Page 53 and 54: conversation. They tend to dislike
Page 55 and 56: from the socializing that causes th
Page 57 and 58: 57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
Page 59 and 60: 59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
Page 61 and 62: actually a technical term in psycho
Page 63 and 64: illuminating insights that are chan
Page 65 and 66: 65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
Page 67 and 68: 1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
Page 69 and 70: mesmerize an audience. This particu
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out on the road with few possession
Page 73 and 74:
twentieth century, changing forever
Page 75 and 76:
mass immigration blew the populatio
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featured case studies of historical
Page 79 and 80:
on the street can’t know that we
Page 81 and 82:
etter than a matinee idol to modelp
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showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
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possession and a power that didn’
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But nowhere was the need to appears
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magazine, “if you have a big, hus
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parents and teachers conspired to o
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the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
Page 95 and 96:
The rest of the organization menwou
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personality traits are genetically
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The victor of that campaign? Thefig
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new demands of self-presentation.Wh
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senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
Page 105 and 106:
“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
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learn to stage-manage our voices, g
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2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
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learning how to be more energetic,
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PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
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and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
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off his expressive face, they cry o
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“Did you hesitate or go straight
Page 121 and 122:
hands. When we’re finished, the q
Page 123 and 124:
love knowledge for its own sake, no
Page 125 and 126:
Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
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His intellect is impressive, too.Th
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so on. He is motivated by love, he
Page 131 and 132:
I can’t help but wonder why none
Page 133 and 134:
salesmanship as a way of sharing on
Page 135 and 136:
TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
Page 137 and 138:
Capital of Extroversion.” But it
Page 139 and 140:
to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
Page 143 and 144:
students’ grade, and a much large
Page 145 and 146:
students. When students fail to spe
Page 147 and 148:
owdy evening? Students at HBS go ou
Page 149 and 150:
judges HBS by how well it prepares
Page 151 and 152:
151/929“creative,” she answered
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Yet even at Harvard Business School
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salvaged items. But his group didn
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But Mills also pointed to the commo
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powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
Page 161 and 162:
somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
Page 163 and 164:
president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
Page 165 and 166:
have in common was something theydi
Page 167 and 168:
charisma but for extreme humilityco
Page 169 and 170:
he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
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introverted people, as well as one
Page 173 and 174:
esults. And personal opinions are o
Page 175 and 176:
T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
Page 177 and 178:
which motivated them to work harder
Page 179 and 180:
other hand, “may wish to adopt a
Page 181 and 182:
quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
Page 183 and 184:
to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
Page 185 and 186:
their encounter in her newspapercol
Page 187 and 188:
do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
Page 189 and 190:
If Parks spoke through her actions,
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jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
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‘it’s about people’ mantra we
Page 195 and 196:
Might they have reached the rightre
Page 197 and 198:
clumps. Children frolic in man-made
Page 199 and 200:
man in bright red polo shirt and sn
Page 201 and 202:
and began to feel guilty about all
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Presbyterian minister and worked wi
Page 205 and 206:
means listening as well as talking,
Page 207 and 208:
ock concert venue, save for the uno
Page 209 and 210:
nothing, and he’s done good works
Page 211 and 212:
Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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virtue. Righteous behavior is not s
Page 215 and 216:
French. They call themselves theHom
Page 217 and 218:
Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
Page 219 and 220:
who hope to be innovative should wo
Page 221 and 222:
221/929work best alone where they c
Page 223 and 224:
interpersonally skilled but “not
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independently. We’d want to give
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province of a single mind actually
Page 229 and 230:
& Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
Page 231 and 232:
According to a 2002 nationwide surv
Page 233 and 234:
Williams also identifies leadership
Page 235 and 236:
The New Groupthink did not arise at
Page 237 and 238:
CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
Page 239 and 240:
year, and asked them to devise a ne
Page 241 and 242:
They found a striking differenceamo
Page 243 and 244:
knowledge that are just out of your
Page 245 and 246:
people’s lives and were “among
Page 247 and 248:
No one would choose this sort ofpai
Page 249 and 250:
And in contemporary workplaces, the
Page 251 and 252:
correlation to outcome. Programmers
Page 253 and 254:
about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
Page 255 and 256:
environment that people would hatet
Page 257 and 258:
Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
Page 259 and 260:
If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
Page 263 and 264:
Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
Page 265 and 266:
increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
Page 269 and 270:
participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
Page 273 and 274:
decision-making. But when they went
Page 275 and 276:
that they had arrived serendipitous
Page 277 and 278:
population density is correlated wi
Page 279 and 280:
hours—not the eight, ten, or four
Page 281 and 282:
many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
Page 285 and 286:
dries up and I can’t get any word
Page 287 and 288:
seminar for his entire executive te
Page 289 and 290:
my anxiety, but over the years I’
Page 291 and 292:
For one of those studies, launched
Page 293 and 294:
obot. At seven, they were asked top
Page 295 and 296:
e a scientist. “Like … other fa
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
Page 301 and 302:
limbs (or staying calm) in response
Page 303 and 304:
castles—he’ll often concentrate
Page 305 and 306:
thin body and narrow face. Such con
Page 307 and 308:
share only 50 percent of their gene
Page 309 and 310:
day in a foreign city, but I love t
Page 311 and 312:
Kagan ushers me inside his office i
Page 313 and 314:
family goes to the beach every week
Page 315 and 316:
high-reactive nervous system. One t
Page 317 and 318:
Kagan tells me about the time hewat
Page 319 and 320:
like asking whether a blizzard is c
Page 321 and 322:
“The university is filled with in
Page 323 and 324:
extremely low-reactive kids? Often
Page 325 and 326:
According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
Page 327 and 328:
it’s becoming the leader of their
Page 329 and 330:
Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
Page 331 and 332:
focuses on problems and pathology.
Page 333 and 334:
Most people would appreciate thefle
Page 335 and 336:
Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
Page 337 and 338:
We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
Page 339 and 340:
doing all these early observations
Page 341 and 342:
strangers and feel “Geez! Who are
Page 343 and 344:
We might call this the “rubber ba
Page 345 and 346:
conditioned a rat to associate a ce
Page 347 and 348:
knows it. When she arrives at a par
Page 349 and 350:
makes people describe her as a “f
Page 351 and 352:
intimate backyard talks with her mo
Page 353 and 354:
part was when she got to close the
Page 355 and 356:
To solve Esther’s problem, let’
Page 357 and 358:
they’re constricted, so the brain
Page 359 and 360:
personality psychologist David Fund
Page 361 and 362:
also underperformed—taking an ave
Page 363 and 364:
state lasts only until your friend
Page 365 and 366:
alert, active, and energetic). Drow
Page 367 and 368:
Esther managed to solve her problem
Page 369 and 370:
I expected. There was a fashion des
Page 371 and 372:
turn to offer feedback. Did Lateesh
Page 373 and 374:
You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
Page 375 and 376:
subjects that don’t interest them
Page 377 and 378:
the sixteenth president rising up b
Page 379 and 380:
chosen her for just this reason; in
Page 381 and 382:
At the same time, many told Eleanor
Page 383 and 384:
In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
Page 385 and 386:
When I hear that Aron will be theke
Page 387 and 388:
egistration forms and name badges,t
Page 389 and 390:
lue eyes that look as if they don
Page 391 and 392:
there only when she withdrew from t
Page 393 and 394:
attribute about fifteen motivations
Page 395 and 396:
intuitive (just as Aron’s husband
Page 397 and 398:
games or reading unfamiliar words.A
Page 399 and 400:
was distracting. But Aron had a gre
Page 401 and 402:
In 1921, FDR contracted polio. It w
Page 403 and 404:
from her trips, she often told him
Page 405 and 406:
was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
Page 407 and 408:
apparently breaking the toy gives t
Page 409 and 410:
and of another eight-year-old who c
Page 411 and 412:
some evidence that sociopaths haved
Page 413 and 414:
they camouflage signs of a nervous
Page 415 and 416:
supercool pulse rate during liftoff
Page 417 and 418:
intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
Page 419 and 420:
In other words, you want to makesur
Page 421 and 422:
[other type] is to be first, withou
Page 423 and 424:
while the other 80 percent are “f
Page 425 and 426:
y those farther up the food chain b
Page 427 and 428:
The interesting thing is that these
Page 429 and 430:
traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
Page 431 and 432:
Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
Page 433 and 434:
female tit birds—it might seem th
Page 435 and 436:
suitcase through a midnight airport
Page 437 and 438:
tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
Page 439 and 440:
The atmosphere is startling simplyb
Page 441 and 442:
eginning of conversations but at th
Page 443 and 444:
putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
Page 445 and 446:
guns strapped to their chests until
Page 447 and 448:
7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
Page 449 and 450:
“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
Page 451 and 452:
same thing happened: the bailout st
Page 453 and 454:
But sometimes we’re too sensitive
Page 455 and 456:
after the deal was struck, a headli
Page 457 and 458:
high reactivity and introversion. N
Page 459 and 460:
eward-seeking cravings of the oldbr
Page 461 and 462:
potential goodies; fMRI experiments
Page 463 and 464:
medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
Page 465 and 466:
professor Richard Howard told me,po
Page 467 and 468:
make group decisions, extroverts wo
Page 469 and 470:
the choice of a small reward immedi
Page 471 and 472:
failure of many banks during the Gr
Page 473 and 474:
promotion. They lost their hold on
Page 475 and 476:
stripped him of his power to review
Page 477 and 478:
How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
Page 479 and 480:
utton and find they’ve lost a poi
Page 481 and 482:
and focused on a goal, their vigila
Page 483 and 484:
of critical thinking widely used by
Page 485 and 486:
imagining things, recalling events
Page 487 and 488:
personality traits of effective cal
Page 489 and 490:
we need to find a balance between a
Page 491 and 492:
And when it comes time to invest, o
Page 493 and 494:
avoiding others that seem to causep
Page 495 and 496:
495/9295. I have very few fears com
Page 497 and 498:
extrovert, many of the flow experie
Page 499 and 500:
you care about, you probably find t
Page 501 and 502:
inappropriate risks, like the forme
Page 503 and 504:
wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
Page 505 and 506:
off handsomely if dramatic but unex
Page 507 and 508:
confident group lost half their cli
Page 509 and 510:
newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
Page 511 and 512:
charmingly self-deprecating story
Page 513 and 514:
will never be finished. That’s on
Page 515 and 516:
8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
Page 517 and 518:
computer programming, and my job is
Page 519 and 520:
Dream. Many first- and second-gener
Page 521 and 522:
The library is to Cupertino what th
Page 523 and 524:
distributed a few extra degrees tow
Page 525 and 526:
would be like, ‘She’s so studio
Page 527 and 528:
professors were so patient, just li
Page 529 and 530:
change their ways, colleges can lea
Page 531 and 532:
minority”—even when meant as a
Page 533 and 534:
the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
Page 535 and 536:
535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
Page 539 and 540:
centers in the American brains, whi
Page 541 and 542:
It’s because of relationship hono
Page 543 and 544:
may have thought. So if, deep down,
Page 545 and 546:
nodded at the athletes, all of whom
Page 547 and 548:
was supposed to encourage students
Page 549 and 550:
on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
Page 551 and 552:
personalities are more genuine,”
Page 553 and 554:
cultural style for getting ahead: t
Page 555 and 556:
Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
Page 561 and 562:
Aggressive power beats you up; soft
Page 563 and 564:
man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
Page 569 and 570:
esistance,” which he associated w
Page 571 and 572:
The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
Page 573 and 574:
the final grade, many students leav
Page 575 and 576:
girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
Page 577 and 578:
have conviction if you’re quiet a
Page 579 and 580:
9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
Page 581 and 582:
and e-mailing friends long notes he
Page 583 and 584:
they’re relatively stable across
Page 585 and 586:
psychologists acknowledge that we c
Page 587 and 588:
fine-tune their own personalities t
Page 589 and 590:
For years Little returned to lectur
Page 591 and 592:
highly. Free Trait Theory explains
Page 593 and 594:
effort required to stretch his natu
Page 595 and 596:
when he decided that other kids wer
Page 597 and 598:
you’ll see his self-taught bellic
Page 599 and 600:
each teaching session. They also ra
Page 601 and 602:
One of the most effective self-moni
Page 603 and 604:
come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
Page 605 and 606:
• Do you put on a show to impress
Page 607 and 608:
high self-monitors can come across
Page 609 and 610:
campus to celebrate. The subject of
Page 611 and 612:
ody arrange themselves when you’r
Page 613 and 614:
presentations. Although she felt de
Page 615 and 616:
I, too, was once in this position.
Page 617 and 618:
fireman, what did a fireman mean to
Page 619 and 620:
classmates who’d grown up to bewr
Page 621 and 622:
secretary under President Clinton,
Page 623 and 624:
Sometimes people find restorativeni
Page 625 and 626:
exchange for being ourselves the re
Page 627 and 628:
But the person with whom you canbes
Page 629 and 630:
Professor Little knows all too well
Page 631 and 632:
Double pneumonia and an overschedul
Page 633 and 634:
to see the world in a more negative
Page 635 and 636:
great excitement and mutual admirat
Page 637 and 638:
“do all the work of making conver
Page 639 and 640:
school was tougher for her than for
Page 641 and 642:
pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
Page 643 and 644:
than the introverts, and this was i
Page 645 and 646:
Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
Page 647 and 648:
a career change. “I think we’d
Page 649 and 650:
wanted to deliver her newscompassio
Page 651 and 652:
disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
Page 655 and 656:
“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
Page 659 and 660:
wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
Page 661 and 662:
have repair work to do with their p
Page 663 and 664:
horrible, on some level she process
Page 665 and 666:
study felt warmly toward their fell
Page 667 and 668:
try to tap into my empathy,” he s
Page 669 and 670:
the shoes of their conversational p
Page 671 and 672:
does. It requires a kind of mental
Page 673 and 674:
socially. It doesn’t show us how
Page 675 and 676:
increased territory sales 500 perce
Page 677 and 678:
commonality with the other person:Y
Page 679 and 680:
to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
Page 683 and 684:
11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
Page 685 and 686:
separate occasions. Each time, the
Page 687 and 688:
always reading,” says Dr. Miller
Page 689 and 690:
Take the case of Joyce and her seve
Page 691 and 692:
understand why her sweet, lovingdau
Page 693 and 694:
Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
Page 697 and 698:
child fit if she’d been an introv
Page 699 and 700:
But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
Page 703 and 704:
new people, but also to new places
Page 705 and 706:
the safety of the dunes, and neithe
Page 707 and 708:
Above all, do not shame her for her
Page 709 and 710:
principals and guidance counselors,
Page 711 and 712:
It’s a Tuesday morning in October
Page 713 and 714:
But not all of them. When you seeth
Page 715 and 716:
She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
Page 717 and 718:
calm atmosphere where she could wor
Page 719 and 720:
lunch in the cacophonous din of the
Page 721 and 722:
school memory is of being made tost
Page 723 and 724:
elieve that negative public speakin
Page 725 and 726:
movement, stimulation, collaborativ
Page 727 and 728:
her group had been smaller andsomeo
Page 729 and 730:
what these kids are like oncethey
Page 731 and 732:
help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
Page 735 and 736:
development experts tell us, but be
Page 737 and 738:
day she made the team after partici
Page 739 and 740:
fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
Page 741 and 742:
nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
Page 755 and 756:
you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
Page 759 and 760:
But what he loved to do best wasrea
Page 761 and 762:
suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
Page 763 and 764:
A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
Page 765 and 766:
categories quite separate from intr
Page 767 and 768:
experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
Page 773 and 774:
an interview. He gave me not only t
Page 775 and 776:
to talk, let alone visit, during th
Page 777 and 778:
Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
Page 779 and 780:
Special thanks and love to Al andBo
Page 781 and 782:
781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
Page 787 and 788:
787/929speech can be perceived as h
Page 789 and 790:
789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
Page 791 and 792:
791/92935. introvert is not a synon
Page 793 and 794:
793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
Page 795 and 796:
795/929Personality and the School:
Page 797 and 798:
797/929American Medicine Meets the
Page 799 and 800:
799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
Page 803 and 804:
803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
Page 805 and 806:
tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
Page 807 and 808:
807/929lamb; this was “the world
Page 809 and 810:
809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
Page 811 and 812:
811/92953. a staple of airport book
Page 813 and 814:
813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
Page 815 and 816:
815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
Page 817 and 818:
817/92918. college students were as
Page 819 and 820:
819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
Page 821 and 822:
821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
Page 823 and 824:
823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
Page 827 and 828:
4. One of the most interesting find
Page 829 and 830:
829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
Page 833 and 834:
19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
Page 837 and 838:
837/92932. “intense curiosity or
Page 839 and 840:
839/92938. people learn better afte
Page 841 and 842:
841/92948. some forty years of rese
Page 843 and 844:
843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
Page 845 and 846:
845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
Page 847 and 848:
847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
Page 849 and 850:
849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
Page 853 and 854:
853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
Page 855 and 856:
855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
Page 857 and 858:
857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
Page 867 and 868:
867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
Page 869 and 870:
869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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