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This portrayal of courtship as a highstakesperformance reflected the boldnew mores of the Culture of Personality.Under the restrictive (in some casesrepressive) social codes of the Cultureof Character, both genders displayedsome reserve when it came to the matingdance. Women who were too loudor made inappropriate eye contact withstrangers were considered brazen.Upper-class women had more license tospeak than did their lower-class counterparts,and indeed were judged partlyon their talent for witty repartee, buteven they were advised to displayblushes and downcast eyes. They werewarned by conduct manuals that “thecoldest reserve” was “more admirablein a woman a man wishe[d] to makehis wife than the least approach to unduefamiliarity.” Men could adopt aquiet demeanor that implied self-84/929
possession and a power that didn’t needto flaunt itself. Though shyness per sewas unacceptable, reserve was a markof good breeding.But with the advent of the Culture ofPersonality, the value of formalitybegan to crumble, for women and menalike. Instead of paying ceremonialcalls on women and making serious declarationsof intention, men were nowexpected to launch verbally sophisticatedcourtships in which they threwwomen “a line” of elaborate flirtatiousness.Men who were too quiet aroundwomen risked being thought gay; as apopular 1926 sex guide observed, “homosexualsare invariably timid, shy, retiring.”Women, too, were expected towalk a fine line between propriety andboldness. If they responded too shyly toromantic overtures, they were sometimescalled “frigid.”85/929
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—JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncer
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To my childhood family
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presupposes that energy needed in o
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17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
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19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
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For similar reasons, I did not use
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INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
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squeeze inside the church until its
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27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
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pairings—masculinity and feminini
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stock of their true natures. You ha
Page 33 and 34: example, are rated as smarter, bett
Page 35 and 36: 35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
Page 37 and 38: off each school day by performingda
Page 39 and 40: with me. I wish I could find that l
Page 41 and 42: she was in the real world, she wasn
Page 43 and 44: Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
Page 45 and 46: At first her questions were tentati
Page 47 and 48: so nice and so tough at the same ti
Page 49 and 50: extroverts need to recharge when th
Page 51 and 52: introvert would rather spend her va
Page 53 and 54: conversation. They tend to dislike
Page 55 and 56: from the socializing that causes th
Page 57 and 58: 57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
Page 59 and 60: 59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
Page 61 and 62: actually a technical term in psycho
Page 63 and 64: illuminating insights that are chan
Page 65 and 66: 65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
Page 67 and 68: 1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
Page 69 and 70: mesmerize an audience. This particu
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Page 75 and 76: mass immigration blew the populatio
Page 77 and 78: featured case studies of historical
Page 79 and 80: on the street can’t know that we
Page 81 and 82: etter than a matinee idol to modelp
Page 83: showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
Page 87 and 88: But nowhere was the need to appears
Page 89 and 90: magazine, “if you have a big, hus
Page 91 and 92: parents and teachers conspired to o
Page 93 and 94: the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
Page 95 and 96: The rest of the organization menwou
Page 97 and 98: personality traits are genetically
Page 99 and 100: The victor of that campaign? Thefig
Page 101 and 102: new demands of self-presentation.Wh
Page 103 and 104: senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
Page 105 and 106: “I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
Page 107 and 108: learn to stage-manage our voices, g
Page 109 and 110: 2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
Page 111 and 112: learning how to be more energetic,
Page 113 and 114: PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
Page 115 and 116: and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
Page 117 and 118: off his expressive face, they cry o
Page 119 and 120: “Did you hesitate or go straight
Page 121 and 122: hands. When we’re finished, the q
Page 123 and 124: love knowledge for its own sake, no
Page 125 and 126: Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
Page 127 and 128: His intellect is impressive, too.Th
Page 129 and 130: so on. He is motivated by love, he
Page 131 and 132: I can’t help but wonder why none
Page 133 and 134: salesmanship as a way of sharing on
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TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
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Capital of Extroversion.” But it
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to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
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students’ grade, and a much large
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students. When students fail to spe
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owdy evening? Students at HBS go ou
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judges HBS by how well it prepares
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151/929“creative,” she answered
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Yet even at Harvard Business School
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salvaged items. But his group didn
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But Mills also pointed to the commo
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powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
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somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
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president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
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have in common was something theydi
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charisma but for extreme humilityco
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he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
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introverted people, as well as one
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esults. And personal opinions are o
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T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
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which motivated them to work harder
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other hand, “may wish to adopt a
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quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
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to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
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their encounter in her newspapercol
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do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
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If Parks spoke through her actions,
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jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
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‘it’s about people’ mantra we
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Might they have reached the rightre
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clumps. Children frolic in man-made
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man in bright red polo shirt and sn
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and began to feel guilty about all
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Presbyterian minister and worked wi
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means listening as well as talking,
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ock concert venue, save for the uno
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nothing, and he’s done good works
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Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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virtue. Righteous behavior is not s
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French. They call themselves theHom
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Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
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who hope to be innovative should wo
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221/929work best alone where they c
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interpersonally skilled but “not
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independently. We’d want to give
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province of a single mind actually
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& Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
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According to a 2002 nationwide surv
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Williams also identifies leadership
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The New Groupthink did not arise at
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CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
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year, and asked them to devise a ne
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They found a striking differenceamo
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knowledge that are just out of your
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people’s lives and were “among
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No one would choose this sort ofpai
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And in contemporary workplaces, the
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correlation to outcome. Programmers
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about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
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environment that people would hatet
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Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
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If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
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Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
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increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
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participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
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decision-making. But when they went
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that they had arrived serendipitous
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population density is correlated wi
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hours—not the eight, ten, or four
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many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
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dries up and I can’t get any word
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seminar for his entire executive te
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my anxiety, but over the years I’
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For one of those studies, launched
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obot. At seven, they were asked top
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e a scientist. “Like … other fa
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
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limbs (or staying calm) in response
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castles—he’ll often concentrate
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thin body and narrow face. Such con
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share only 50 percent of their gene
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day in a foreign city, but I love t
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Kagan ushers me inside his office i
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family goes to the beach every week
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high-reactive nervous system. One t
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Kagan tells me about the time hewat
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like asking whether a blizzard is c
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“The university is filled with in
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extremely low-reactive kids? Often
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According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
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it’s becoming the leader of their
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Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
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focuses on problems and pathology.
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Most people would appreciate thefle
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Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
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We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
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doing all these early observations
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strangers and feel “Geez! Who are
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We might call this the “rubber ba
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conditioned a rat to associate a ce
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knows it. When she arrives at a par
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makes people describe her as a “f
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intimate backyard talks with her mo
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part was when she got to close the
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To solve Esther’s problem, let’
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they’re constricted, so the brain
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personality psychologist David Fund
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also underperformed—taking an ave
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state lasts only until your friend
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alert, active, and energetic). Drow
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Esther managed to solve her problem
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I expected. There was a fashion des
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turn to offer feedback. Did Lateesh
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You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
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subjects that don’t interest them
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the sixteenth president rising up b
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chosen her for just this reason; in
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At the same time, many told Eleanor
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In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
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When I hear that Aron will be theke
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egistration forms and name badges,t
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lue eyes that look as if they don
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there only when she withdrew from t
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attribute about fifteen motivations
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intuitive (just as Aron’s husband
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games or reading unfamiliar words.A
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was distracting. But Aron had a gre
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In 1921, FDR contracted polio. It w
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from her trips, she often told him
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was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
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apparently breaking the toy gives t
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and of another eight-year-old who c
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some evidence that sociopaths haved
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they camouflage signs of a nervous
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supercool pulse rate during liftoff
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intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
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In other words, you want to makesur
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[other type] is to be first, withou
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while the other 80 percent are “f
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y those farther up the food chain b
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The interesting thing is that these
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traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
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Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
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female tit birds—it might seem th
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suitcase through a midnight airport
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tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
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The atmosphere is startling simplyb
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eginning of conversations but at th
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putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
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guns strapped to their chests until
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7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
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“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
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same thing happened: the bailout st
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But sometimes we’re too sensitive
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after the deal was struck, a headli
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high reactivity and introversion. N
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eward-seeking cravings of the oldbr
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potential goodies; fMRI experiments
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medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
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professor Richard Howard told me,po
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make group decisions, extroverts wo
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the choice of a small reward immedi
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failure of many banks during the Gr
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promotion. They lost their hold on
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stripped him of his power to review
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How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
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utton and find they’ve lost a poi
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and focused on a goal, their vigila
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of critical thinking widely used by
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imagining things, recalling events
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personality traits of effective cal
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we need to find a balance between a
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And when it comes time to invest, o
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avoiding others that seem to causep
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495/9295. I have very few fears com
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extrovert, many of the flow experie
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you care about, you probably find t
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inappropriate risks, like the forme
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wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
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off handsomely if dramatic but unex
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confident group lost half their cli
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newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
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charmingly self-deprecating story
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will never be finished. That’s on
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8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
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computer programming, and my job is
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Dream. Many first- and second-gener
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The library is to Cupertino what th
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distributed a few extra degrees tow
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would be like, ‘She’s so studio
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professors were so patient, just li
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change their ways, colleges can lea
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minority”—even when meant as a
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the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
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535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
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centers in the American brains, whi
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It’s because of relationship hono
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may have thought. So if, deep down,
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nodded at the athletes, all of whom
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was supposed to encourage students
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on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
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personalities are more genuine,”
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cultural style for getting ahead: t
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Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
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Aggressive power beats you up; soft
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man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
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esistance,” which he associated w
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The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
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the final grade, many students leav
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girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
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have conviction if you’re quiet a
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9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
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and e-mailing friends long notes he
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they’re relatively stable across
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psychologists acknowledge that we c
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fine-tune their own personalities t
Page 589 and 590:
For years Little returned to lectur
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highly. Free Trait Theory explains
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effort required to stretch his natu
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when he decided that other kids wer
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you’ll see his self-taught bellic
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each teaching session. They also ra
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One of the most effective self-moni
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come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
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• Do you put on a show to impress
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high self-monitors can come across
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campus to celebrate. The subject of
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ody arrange themselves when you’r
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presentations. Although she felt de
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I, too, was once in this position.
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fireman, what did a fireman mean to
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classmates who’d grown up to bewr
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secretary under President Clinton,
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Sometimes people find restorativeni
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exchange for being ourselves the re
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But the person with whom you canbes
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Professor Little knows all too well
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Double pneumonia and an overschedul
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to see the world in a more negative
Page 635 and 636:
great excitement and mutual admirat
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“do all the work of making conver
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school was tougher for her than for
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pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
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than the introverts, and this was i
Page 645 and 646:
Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
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a career change. “I think we’d
Page 649 and 650:
wanted to deliver her newscompassio
Page 651 and 652:
disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
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“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
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wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
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have repair work to do with their p
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horrible, on some level she process
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study felt warmly toward their fell
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try to tap into my empathy,” he s
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the shoes of their conversational p
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does. It requires a kind of mental
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socially. It doesn’t show us how
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increased territory sales 500 perce
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commonality with the other person:Y
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to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
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11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
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separate occasions. Each time, the
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always reading,” says Dr. Miller
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Take the case of Joyce and her seve
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understand why her sweet, lovingdau
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Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
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child fit if she’d been an introv
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But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
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new people, but also to new places
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the safety of the dunes, and neithe
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Above all, do not shame her for her
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principals and guidance counselors,
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It’s a Tuesday morning in October
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But not all of them. When you seeth
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She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
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calm atmosphere where she could wor
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lunch in the cacophonous din of the
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school memory is of being made tost
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elieve that negative public speakin
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movement, stimulation, collaborativ
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her group had been smaller andsomeo
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what these kids are like oncethey
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help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
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development experts tell us, but be
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day she made the team after partici
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fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
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nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
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you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
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But what he loved to do best wasrea
Page 761 and 762:
suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
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A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
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categories quite separate from intr
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experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
Page 773 and 774:
an interview. He gave me not only t
Page 775 and 776:
to talk, let alone visit, during th
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Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
Page 779 and 780:
Special thanks and love to Al andBo
Page 781 and 782:
781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
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787/929speech can be perceived as h
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789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
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791/92935. introvert is not a synon
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793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
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795/929Personality and the School:
Page 797 and 798:
797/929American Medicine Meets the
Page 799 and 800:
799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
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803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
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tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
Page 807 and 808:
807/929lamb; this was “the world
Page 809 and 810:
809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
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811/92953. a staple of airport book
Page 813 and 814:
813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
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815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
Page 817 and 818:
817/92918. college students were as
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819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
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821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
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823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
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4. One of the most interesting find
Page 829 and 830:
829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
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19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
Page 837 and 838:
837/92932. “intense curiosity or
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839/92938. people learn better afte
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841/92948. some forty years of rese
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843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
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845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
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847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
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849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
Page 853 and 854:
853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
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855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
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857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
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867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
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869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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873/929Deformations Within the Amyg
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875/929Psychotherapy and the Highly
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877/92942. As Jung speculated almos
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879/929CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WALL STRE
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881/929areas that have something to
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883/929Makes You the Way You Are. S
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885/929“How Emotions Facilitate a
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887/929Polymorphism at the Serotoni
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889/929Barrionuevo, “Vincent Kami
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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893/929Type Indicator (Palo Alto, C
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895/929Personality Traits (Cambridg
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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899/929features predict happiness m
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901/9292. article called “The New
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903/92911. Another study asked Asia
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905/929Time,” Child Development 7
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907/929National Center for Educatio
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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913/929Psychology,” Psychological
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915/929Selves and Well Beings,” i
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917/929Stability” measures freedo
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919/929Argumentative Discussions,
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921/929Nonverbal Decoding,” Journ
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923/929(Cambridge, MA: HarvardUnive
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925/929Neuroscientist Reveals How t
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927/929Meaning: On Doing Well and B
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