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companies in garages to have any personalitythey please, but they are theexceptions, not the rule, and our toleranceextends mainly to those who getfabulously wealthy or hold the promiseof doing so.Introversion—along with its cousinssensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—isnow a second-class personality trait,somewhere between a disappointmentand a pathology. Introverts living underthe Extrovert Ideal are like women in aman’s world, discounted because of atrait that goes to the core of who theyare. Extroversion is an enormously appealingpersonality style, but we’veturned it into an oppressive standard towhich most of us feel we must conform.The Extrovert Ideal has been documentedin many studies, though this researchhas never been grouped under asingle name. Talkative people, for32/929
example, are rated as smarter, betterlooking,more interesting, and more desirableas friends. Velocity of speechcounts as well as volume: we rank fasttalkers as more competent and likablethan slow ones. The same dynamics applyin groups, where research showsthat the voluble are considered smarterthan the reticent—even though there’szero correlation between the gift of gaband good ideas. Even the word introvertis stigmatized—one informal study, bypsychologist Laurie Helgoe, found thatintroverts described their own physicalappearance in vivid language (“greenblueeyes,” “exotic,” “highcheekbones”), but when asked to describegeneric introverts they drew abland and distasteful picture(“ungainly,” “neutral colors,” “skinproblems”).33/929
Page 5: —JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncer
Page 13 and 14: To my childhood family
Page 15 and 16: presupposes that energy needed in o
Page 17 and 18: 17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
Page 19 and 20: 19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
Page 21 and 22: For similar reasons, I did not use
Page 23 and 24: INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
Page 25 and 26: squeeze inside the church until its
Page 27 and 28: 27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
Page 29 and 30: pairings—masculinity and feminini
Page 31: stock of their true natures. You ha
Page 35 and 36: 35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
Page 37 and 38: off each school day by performingda
Page 39 and 40: with me. I wish I could find that l
Page 41 and 42: she was in the real world, she wasn
Page 43 and 44: Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
Page 45 and 46: At first her questions were tentati
Page 47 and 48: so nice and so tough at the same ti
Page 49 and 50: extroverts need to recharge when th
Page 51 and 52: introvert would rather spend her va
Page 53 and 54: conversation. They tend to dislike
Page 55 and 56: from the socializing that causes th
Page 57 and 58: 57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
Page 59 and 60: 59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
Page 61 and 62: actually a technical term in psycho
Page 63 and 64: illuminating insights that are chan
Page 65 and 66: 65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
Page 67 and 68: 1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
Page 69 and 70: mesmerize an audience. This particu
Page 71 and 72: out on the road with few possession
Page 73 and 74: twentieth century, changing forever
Page 75 and 76: mass immigration blew the populatio
Page 77 and 78: featured case studies of historical
Page 79 and 80: on the street can’t know that we
Page 81 and 82: etter than a matinee idol to modelp
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showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
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possession and a power that didn’
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But nowhere was the need to appears
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magazine, “if you have a big, hus
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parents and teachers conspired to o
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the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
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The rest of the organization menwou
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personality traits are genetically
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The victor of that campaign? Thefig
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new demands of self-presentation.Wh
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senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
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“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
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learn to stage-manage our voices, g
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2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
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learning how to be more energetic,
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PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
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and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
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off his expressive face, they cry o
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“Did you hesitate or go straight
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hands. When we’re finished, the q
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love knowledge for its own sake, no
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Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
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His intellect is impressive, too.Th
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so on. He is motivated by love, he
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I can’t help but wonder why none
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salesmanship as a way of sharing on
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TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
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Capital of Extroversion.” But it
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to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
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students’ grade, and a much large
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students. When students fail to spe
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owdy evening? Students at HBS go ou
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judges HBS by how well it prepares
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151/929“creative,” she answered
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Yet even at Harvard Business School
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salvaged items. But his group didn
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But Mills also pointed to the commo
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powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
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somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
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president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
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have in common was something theydi
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charisma but for extreme humilityco
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he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
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introverted people, as well as one
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esults. And personal opinions are o
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T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
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which motivated them to work harder
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other hand, “may wish to adopt a
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quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
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to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
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their encounter in her newspapercol
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do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
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If Parks spoke through her actions,
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jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
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‘it’s about people’ mantra we
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Might they have reached the rightre
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clumps. Children frolic in man-made
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man in bright red polo shirt and sn
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and began to feel guilty about all
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Presbyterian minister and worked wi
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means listening as well as talking,
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ock concert venue, save for the uno
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nothing, and he’s done good works
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Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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virtue. Righteous behavior is not s
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French. They call themselves theHom
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Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
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who hope to be innovative should wo
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221/929work best alone where they c
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interpersonally skilled but “not
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independently. We’d want to give
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province of a single mind actually
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& Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
Page 231 and 232:
According to a 2002 nationwide surv
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Williams also identifies leadership
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The New Groupthink did not arise at
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CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
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year, and asked them to devise a ne
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They found a striking differenceamo
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knowledge that are just out of your
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people’s lives and were “among
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No one would choose this sort ofpai
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And in contemporary workplaces, the
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correlation to outcome. Programmers
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about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
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environment that people would hatet
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Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
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If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
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Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
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increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
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participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
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decision-making. But when they went
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that they had arrived serendipitous
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population density is correlated wi
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hours—not the eight, ten, or four
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many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
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dries up and I can’t get any word
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seminar for his entire executive te
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my anxiety, but over the years I’
Page 291 and 292:
For one of those studies, launched
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obot. At seven, they were asked top
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e a scientist. “Like … other fa
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
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limbs (or staying calm) in response
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castles—he’ll often concentrate
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thin body and narrow face. Such con
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share only 50 percent of their gene
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day in a foreign city, but I love t
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Kagan ushers me inside his office i
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family goes to the beach every week
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high-reactive nervous system. One t
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Kagan tells me about the time hewat
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like asking whether a blizzard is c
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“The university is filled with in
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extremely low-reactive kids? Often
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According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
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it’s becoming the leader of their
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Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
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focuses on problems and pathology.
Page 333 and 334:
Most people would appreciate thefle
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Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
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We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
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doing all these early observations
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strangers and feel “Geez! Who are
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We might call this the “rubber ba
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conditioned a rat to associate a ce
Page 347 and 348:
knows it. When she arrives at a par
Page 349 and 350:
makes people describe her as a “f
Page 351 and 352:
intimate backyard talks with her mo
Page 353 and 354:
part was when she got to close the
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To solve Esther’s problem, let’
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they’re constricted, so the brain
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personality psychologist David Fund
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also underperformed—taking an ave
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state lasts only until your friend
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alert, active, and energetic). Drow
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Esther managed to solve her problem
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I expected. There was a fashion des
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turn to offer feedback. Did Lateesh
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You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
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subjects that don’t interest them
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the sixteenth president rising up b
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chosen her for just this reason; in
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At the same time, many told Eleanor
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In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
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When I hear that Aron will be theke
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egistration forms and name badges,t
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lue eyes that look as if they don
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there only when she withdrew from t
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attribute about fifteen motivations
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intuitive (just as Aron’s husband
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games or reading unfamiliar words.A
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was distracting. But Aron had a gre
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In 1921, FDR contracted polio. It w
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from her trips, she often told him
Page 405 and 406:
was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
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apparently breaking the toy gives t
Page 409 and 410:
and of another eight-year-old who c
Page 411 and 412:
some evidence that sociopaths haved
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they camouflage signs of a nervous
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supercool pulse rate during liftoff
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intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
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In other words, you want to makesur
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[other type] is to be first, withou
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while the other 80 percent are “f
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y those farther up the food chain b
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The interesting thing is that these
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traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
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Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
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female tit birds—it might seem th
Page 435 and 436:
suitcase through a midnight airport
Page 437 and 438:
tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
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The atmosphere is startling simplyb
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eginning of conversations but at th
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putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
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guns strapped to their chests until
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7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
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“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
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same thing happened: the bailout st
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But sometimes we’re too sensitive
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after the deal was struck, a headli
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high reactivity and introversion. N
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eward-seeking cravings of the oldbr
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potential goodies; fMRI experiments
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medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
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professor Richard Howard told me,po
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make group decisions, extroverts wo
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the choice of a small reward immedi
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failure of many banks during the Gr
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promotion. They lost their hold on
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stripped him of his power to review
Page 477 and 478:
How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
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utton and find they’ve lost a poi
Page 481 and 482:
and focused on a goal, their vigila
Page 483 and 484:
of critical thinking widely used by
Page 485 and 486:
imagining things, recalling events
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personality traits of effective cal
Page 489 and 490:
we need to find a balance between a
Page 491 and 492:
And when it comes time to invest, o
Page 493 and 494:
avoiding others that seem to causep
Page 495 and 496:
495/9295. I have very few fears com
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extrovert, many of the flow experie
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you care about, you probably find t
Page 501 and 502:
inappropriate risks, like the forme
Page 503 and 504:
wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
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off handsomely if dramatic but unex
Page 507 and 508:
confident group lost half their cli
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newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
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charmingly self-deprecating story
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will never be finished. That’s on
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8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
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computer programming, and my job is
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Dream. Many first- and second-gener
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The library is to Cupertino what th
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distributed a few extra degrees tow
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would be like, ‘She’s so studio
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professors were so patient, just li
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change their ways, colleges can lea
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minority”—even when meant as a
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the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
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535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
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centers in the American brains, whi
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It’s because of relationship hono
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may have thought. So if, deep down,
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nodded at the athletes, all of whom
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was supposed to encourage students
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on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
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personalities are more genuine,”
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cultural style for getting ahead: t
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Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
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Aggressive power beats you up; soft
Page 563 and 564:
man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
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esistance,” which he associated w
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The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
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the final grade, many students leav
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girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
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have conviction if you’re quiet a
Page 579 and 580:
9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
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and e-mailing friends long notes he
Page 583 and 584:
they’re relatively stable across
Page 585 and 586:
psychologists acknowledge that we c
Page 587 and 588:
fine-tune their own personalities t
Page 589 and 590:
For years Little returned to lectur
Page 591 and 592:
highly. Free Trait Theory explains
Page 593 and 594:
effort required to stretch his natu
Page 595 and 596:
when he decided that other kids wer
Page 597 and 598:
you’ll see his self-taught bellic
Page 599 and 600:
each teaching session. They also ra
Page 601 and 602:
One of the most effective self-moni
Page 603 and 604:
come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
Page 605 and 606:
• Do you put on a show to impress
Page 607 and 608:
high self-monitors can come across
Page 609 and 610:
campus to celebrate. The subject of
Page 611 and 612:
ody arrange themselves when you’r
Page 613 and 614:
presentations. Although she felt de
Page 615 and 616:
I, too, was once in this position.
Page 617 and 618:
fireman, what did a fireman mean to
Page 619 and 620:
classmates who’d grown up to bewr
Page 621 and 622:
secretary under President Clinton,
Page 623 and 624:
Sometimes people find restorativeni
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exchange for being ourselves the re
Page 627 and 628:
But the person with whom you canbes
Page 629 and 630:
Professor Little knows all too well
Page 631 and 632:
Double pneumonia and an overschedul
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to see the world in a more negative
Page 635 and 636:
great excitement and mutual admirat
Page 637 and 638:
“do all the work of making conver
Page 639 and 640:
school was tougher for her than for
Page 641 and 642:
pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
Page 643 and 644:
than the introverts, and this was i
Page 645 and 646:
Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
Page 647 and 648:
a career change. “I think we’d
Page 649 and 650:
wanted to deliver her newscompassio
Page 651 and 652:
disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
Page 655 and 656:
“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
Page 659 and 660:
wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
Page 661 and 662:
have repair work to do with their p
Page 663 and 664:
horrible, on some level she process
Page 665 and 666:
study felt warmly toward their fell
Page 667 and 668:
try to tap into my empathy,” he s
Page 669 and 670:
the shoes of their conversational p
Page 671 and 672:
does. It requires a kind of mental
Page 673 and 674:
socially. It doesn’t show us how
Page 675 and 676:
increased territory sales 500 perce
Page 677 and 678:
commonality with the other person:Y
Page 679 and 680:
to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
Page 683 and 684:
11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
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separate occasions. Each time, the
Page 687 and 688:
always reading,” says Dr. Miller
Page 689 and 690:
Take the case of Joyce and her seve
Page 691 and 692:
understand why her sweet, lovingdau
Page 693 and 694:
Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
Page 697 and 698:
child fit if she’d been an introv
Page 699 and 700:
But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
Page 703 and 704:
new people, but also to new places
Page 705 and 706:
the safety of the dunes, and neithe
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Above all, do not shame her for her
Page 709 and 710:
principals and guidance counselors,
Page 711 and 712:
It’s a Tuesday morning in October
Page 713 and 714:
But not all of them. When you seeth
Page 715 and 716:
She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
Page 717 and 718:
calm atmosphere where she could wor
Page 719 and 720:
lunch in the cacophonous din of the
Page 721 and 722:
school memory is of being made tost
Page 723 and 724:
elieve that negative public speakin
Page 725 and 726:
movement, stimulation, collaborativ
Page 727 and 728:
her group had been smaller andsomeo
Page 729 and 730:
what these kids are like oncethey
Page 731 and 732:
help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
Page 735 and 736:
development experts tell us, but be
Page 737 and 738:
day she made the team after partici
Page 739 and 740:
fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
Page 741 and 742:
nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
Page 755 and 756:
you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
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But what he loved to do best wasrea
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suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
Page 763 and 764:
A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
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categories quite separate from intr
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experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
Page 773 and 774:
an interview. He gave me not only t
Page 775 and 776:
to talk, let alone visit, during th
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Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
Page 779 and 780:
Special thanks and love to Al andBo
Page 781 and 782:
781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
Page 787 and 788:
787/929speech can be perceived as h
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789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
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791/92935. introvert is not a synon
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793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
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795/929Personality and the School:
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797/929American Medicine Meets the
Page 799 and 800:
799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
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803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
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tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
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807/929lamb; this was “the world
Page 809 and 810:
809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
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811/92953. a staple of airport book
Page 813 and 814:
813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
Page 815 and 816:
815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
Page 817 and 818:
817/92918. college students were as
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819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
Page 821 and 822:
821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
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823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
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4. One of the most interesting find
Page 829 and 830:
829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
Page 833 and 834:
19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
Page 837 and 838:
837/92932. “intense curiosity or
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839/92938. people learn better afte
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841/92948. some forty years of rese
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843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
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845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
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847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
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849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
Page 853 and 854:
853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
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855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
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857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
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867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
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869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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873/929Deformations Within the Amyg
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875/929Psychotherapy and the Highly
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877/92942. As Jung speculated almos
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879/929CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WALL STRE
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881/929areas that have something to
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883/929Makes You the Way You Are. S
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885/929“How Emotions Facilitate a
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887/929Polymorphism at the Serotoni
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889/929Barrionuevo, “Vincent Kami
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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893/929Type Indicator (Palo Alto, C
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895/929Personality Traits (Cambridg
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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899/929features predict happiness m
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901/9292. article called “The New
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903/92911. Another study asked Asia
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905/929Time,” Child Development 7
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907/929National Center for Educatio
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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913/929Psychology,” Psychological
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915/929Selves and Well Beings,” i
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917/929Stability” measures freedo
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919/929Argumentative Discussions,
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921/929Nonverbal Decoding,” Journ
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923/929(Cambridge, MA: HarvardUnive
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925/929Neuroscientist Reveals How t
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927/929Meaning: On Doing Well and B
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