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Alison remains her boisterous self,but she has also discovered how to be,and to benefit from, quiet.352/929Even though we can reach for the outerlimits of our temperaments, it can oftenbe better to situate ourselves squarelyinside our comfort zones.Consider the story of my client Esther,a tax lawyer at a large corporate lawfirm. A tiny brunette with a springystep and blue eyes as bright as headlamps,Esther was not shy and neverhad been. But she was decidedly introverted.Her favorite part of the day wasthe quiet ten minutes when she walkedto the bus along the tree-lined streets ofher neighborhood. Her second favorite
part was when she got to close the doorto her office and dig into her work.Esther had chosen her career well. Amathematician’s daughter, she loved tothink about intimidatingly complex taxproblems, and could discuss them withease. (In chapter 7, I examine why introvertsare so good at complex,focused problem-solving.) She was theyoungest member of a close-knit workinggroup operating inside a much largerlaw firm. This group comprised fiveother tax lawyers, all of whom supportedone another’s careers. Esther’s workconsisted of thinking deeply aboutquestions that fascinated her and workingclosely with trusted colleagues.But it happened that Esther’s smallgroup of tax lawyers periodically had togive presentations to the rest of the lawfirm. These talks were a source ofmisery for Esther, not because she was353/929
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—JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncer
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To my childhood family
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presupposes that energy needed in o
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17/9292. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEA
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19/92911. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS:
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For similar reasons, I did not use
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INTRODUCTIONThe North and South ofT
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squeeze inside the church until its
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27/929Our lives are shaped as profo
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pairings—masculinity and feminini
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stock of their true natures. You ha
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example, are rated as smarter, bett
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35/929The Cat in the HatCharlie Bro
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off each school day by performingda
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with me. I wish I could find that l
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she was in the real world, she wasn
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Everyone waited for Laura to reply,
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At first her questions were tentati
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so nice and so tough at the same ti
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extroverts need to recharge when th
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introvert would rather spend her va
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conversation. They tend to dislike
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from the socializing that causes th
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57/9292. _______ I often prefer to
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59/92920. _______ In classroom situ
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actually a technical term in psycho
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illuminating insights that are chan
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65/929George Orwell, Theodor Geisel
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1THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTYLIKEABLE
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mesmerize an audience. This particu
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out on the road with few possession
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twentieth century, changing forever
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mass immigration blew the populatio
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featured case studies of historical
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on the street can’t know that we
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etter than a matinee idol to modelp
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showed a crestfallen young woman,ho
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possession and a power that didn’
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But nowhere was the need to appears
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magazine, “if you have a big, hus
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parents and teachers conspired to o
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the one who’s had an 80 or 85 ave
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The rest of the organization menwou
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personality traits are genetically
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The victor of that campaign? Thefig
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new demands of self-presentation.Wh
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senior manager at Eastman Kodak tol
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“I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
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learn to stage-manage our voices, g
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2THE MYTH OF CHARISMATICLEADERSHIPT
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learning how to be more energetic,
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PowerBars, bananas, and corn chips.
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and impossibly defined cheekbones.E
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off his expressive face, they cry o
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“Did you hesitate or go straight
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hands. When we’re finished, the q
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love knowledge for its own sake, no
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Ba-da-da-da, YES! Dum-dum-dum-DUM,
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His intellect is impressive, too.Th
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so on. He is motivated by love, he
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I can’t help but wonder why none
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salesmanship as a way of sharing on
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TVs silently broadcasting campus ne
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Capital of Extroversion.” But it
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to shake Wall Street, Main Street,
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teams). He spends the rest of the m
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students’ grade, and a much large
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students. When students fail to spe
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owdy evening? Students at HBS go ou
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judges HBS by how well it prepares
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151/929“creative,” she answered
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Yet even at Harvard Business School
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salvaged items. But his group didn
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But Mills also pointed to the commo
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powerful as a meeting goes on. It a
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somebody says, ‘I’m bored. Why
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president of Rite-Solutions, and Ji
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have in common was something theydi
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charisma but for extreme humilityco
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he wanted to avoid simplistic answe
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introverted people, as well as one
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esults. And personal opinions are o
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T-shirts as possible in ten minutes
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which motivated them to work harder
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other hand, “may wish to adopt a
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quietly. “Get off my bus,” Blak
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to ‘reenter that forbidden zone b
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their encounter in her newspapercol
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do it, he said. “Who am I, that I
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If Parks spoke through her actions,
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jobs, dates, and even kidney donors
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‘it’s about people’ mantra we
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Might they have reached the rightre
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clumps. Children frolic in man-made
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man in bright red polo shirt and sn
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and began to feel guilty about all
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Presbyterian minister and worked wi
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means listening as well as talking,
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ock concert venue, save for the uno
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nothing, and he’s done good works
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Yet McHugh finds practices like the
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virtue. Righteous behavior is not s
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French. They call themselves theHom
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Homebrew crowd, computers are a too
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who hope to be innovative should wo
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221/929work best alone where they c
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interpersonally skilled but “not
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independently. We’d want to give
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province of a single mind actually
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& Young, GlaxoSmithKline, Alcoa, an
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According to a 2002 nationwide surv
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Williams also identifies leadership
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The New Groupthink did not arise at
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CFO of the social marketing firm Mr
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year, and asked them to devise a ne
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They found a striking differenceamo
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knowledge that are just out of your
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people’s lives and were “among
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No one would choose this sort ofpai
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And in contemporary workplaces, the
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correlation to outcome. Programmers
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about coworkers eavesdropping onthe
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environment that people would hatet
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Thursdays,” one day a week in whi
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If personal space is vital to creat
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261/9291. Don’t judge or criticiz
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Manufacturing (otherwise known as3M
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increases: groups of nine generate
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group performed much better than it
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participants would do better in pub
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conform. What was going on in themi
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decision-making. But when they went
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that they had arrived serendipitous
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population density is correlated wi
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hours—not the eight, ten, or four
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many casual, chance encounters as p
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PartTWOYOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF?
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dries up and I can’t get any word
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seminar for his entire executive te
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my anxiety, but over the years I’
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For one of those studies, launched
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obot. At seven, they were asked top
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e a scientist. “Like … other fa
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temperature, and other properties o
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introverts—just the opposite—bu
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Page 305 and 306: thin body and narrow face. Such con
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Page 309 and 310: day in a foreign city, but I love t
Page 311 and 312: Kagan ushers me inside his office i
Page 313 and 314: family goes to the beach every week
Page 315 and 316: high-reactive nervous system. One t
Page 317 and 318: Kagan tells me about the time hewat
Page 319 and 320: like asking whether a blizzard is c
Page 321 and 322: “The university is filled with in
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Page 325 and 326: According to Jay Belsky, a leadingp
Page 327 and 328: it’s becoming the leader of their
Page 329 and 330: Stephen Suomi, the scientist whocon
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Page 333 and 334: Most people would appreciate thefle
Page 335 and 336: Developmental Neuroimaging and Psyc
Page 337 and 338: We gaze reverently at the fMRI scan
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Page 343 and 344: We might call this the “rubber ba
Page 345 and 346: conditioned a rat to associate a ce
Page 347 and 348: knows it. When she arrives at a par
Page 349 and 350: makes people describe her as a “f
Page 351: intimate backyard talks with her mo
Page 355 and 356: To solve Esther’s problem, let’
Page 357 and 358: they’re constricted, so the brain
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Page 369 and 370: I expected. There was a fashion des
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Page 373 and 374: You seem so outgoing, they added.Yo
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Page 377 and 378: the sixteenth president rising up b
Page 379 and 380: chosen her for just this reason; in
Page 381 and 382: At the same time, many told Eleanor
Page 383 and 384: In the meantime, Eleanor found hers
Page 385 and 386: When I hear that Aron will be theke
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Page 393 and 394: attribute about fifteen motivations
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Page 399 and 400: was distracting. But Aron had a gre
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from her trips, she often told him
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was Eleanor who made sure he knewho
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apparently breaking the toy gives t
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and of another eight-year-old who c
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some evidence that sociopaths haved
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they camouflage signs of a nervous
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supercool pulse rate during liftoff
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intentionally,” Dijk speculates,
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In other words, you want to makesur
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[other type] is to be first, withou
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while the other 80 percent are “f
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y those farther up the food chain b
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The interesting thing is that these
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traumatic injuries. Extroverts enjo
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Roosevelts as surely as grazing her
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female tit birds—it might seem th
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suitcase through a midnight airport
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tirelessly promote the movie. He vi
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The atmosphere is startling simplyb
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eginning of conversations but at th
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putting myself to sleep. I wonder i
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guns strapped to their chests until
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7WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH ANDWARRE
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“Hi, Janice!” said the caller t
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same thing happened: the bailout st
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But sometimes we’re too sensitive
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after the deal was struck, a headli
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high reactivity and introversion. N
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eward-seeking cravings of the oldbr
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potential goodies; fMRI experiments
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medial orbitofrontal cortex, a key
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professor Richard Howard told me,po
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make group decisions, extroverts wo
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the choice of a small reward immedi
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failure of many banks during the Gr
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promotion. They lost their hold on
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stripped him of his power to review
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How did Janice Dorn’s client, Ala
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utton and find they’ve lost a poi
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and focused on a goal, their vigila
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of critical thinking widely used by
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imagining things, recalling events
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personality traits of effective cal
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we need to find a balance between a
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And when it comes time to invest, o
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avoiding others that seem to causep
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495/9295. I have very few fears com
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extrovert, many of the flow experie
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you care about, you probably find t
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inappropriate risks, like the forme
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wrote in a letter to investors. Kla
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off handsomely if dramatic but unex
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confident group lost half their cli
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newspaper moguls, Hollywood celebri
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charmingly self-deprecating story
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will never be finished. That’s on
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8SOFT POWERAsian-Americans and the
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computer programming, and my job is
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Dream. Many first- and second-gener
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The library is to Cupertino what th
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distributed a few extra degrees tow
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would be like, ‘She’s so studio
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professors were so patient, just li
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change their ways, colleges can lea
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minority”—even when meant as a
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the “cheerful,” “enthusiastic
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535/929—KAMO NO CHOMEI, 12th Cent
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desires to the group’s interests,
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centers in the American brains, whi
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It’s because of relationship hono
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may have thought. So if, deep down,
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nodded at the athletes, all of whom
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was supposed to encourage students
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on a weekday afternoon, cocky Asian
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personalities are more genuine,”
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cultural style for getting ahead: t
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Cupertino, Ni conducts daylong semi
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Ni asked for volunteers and brought
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Asians use only a narrow set of mus
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Aggressive power beats you up; soft
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man. As a child, he was afraid ofev
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abstain from meat, so he saw no dan
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they would surely have retaliated,
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esistance,” which he associated w
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The TIMSS exam (Trends in Internati
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the final grade, many students leav
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girl. When we first met, Tiffany wa
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have conviction if you’re quiet a
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9WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MOREEXTROVERTE
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and e-mailing friends long notes he
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they’re relatively stable across
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psychologists acknowledge that we c
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fine-tune their own personalities t
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For years Little returned to lectur
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highly. Free Trait Theory explains
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effort required to stretch his natu
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when he decided that other kids wer
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you’ll see his self-taught bellic
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each teaching session. They also ra
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One of the most effective self-moni
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come naturally to him. Indeed, theh
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• Do you put on a show to impress
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high self-monitors can come across
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campus to celebrate. The subject of
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ody arrange themselves when you’r
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presentations. Although she felt de
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I, too, was once in this position.
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fireman, what did a fireman mean to
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classmates who’d grown up to bewr
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secretary under President Clinton,
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Sometimes people find restorativeni
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exchange for being ourselves the re
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But the person with whom you canbes
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Professor Little knows all too well
Page 631 and 632:
Double pneumonia and an overschedul
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to see the world in a more negative
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great excitement and mutual admirat
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“do all the work of making conver
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school was tougher for her than for
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pro-social. But as we’ve seen, ne
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than the introverts, and this was i
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Greg feels hurt that she makes an e
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a career change. “I think we’d
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wanted to deliver her newscompassio
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disagree, her voice gets quiet and
Page 653 and 654:
Do they also like each other a litt
Page 655 and 656:
“Very nice, keep up the good work
Page 657 and 658:
manager, while 71 percent accepted
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wrong. The cobra vows to stop immed
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have repair work to do with their p
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horrible, on some level she process
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study felt warmly toward their fell
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try to tap into my empathy,” he s
Page 669 and 670:
the shoes of their conversational p
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does. It requires a kind of mental
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socially. It doesn’t show us how
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increased territory sales 500 perce
Page 677 and 678:
commonality with the other person:Y
Page 679 and 680:
to the point where I could walk int
Page 681 and 682:
a way to break their stalemate. Ins
Page 683 and 684:
11ON COBBLERS AND GENERALSHow to Cu
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separate occasions. Each time, the
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always reading,” says Dr. Miller
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Take the case of Joyce and her seve
Page 691 and 692:
understand why her sweet, lovingdau
Page 693 and 694:
Isabel wants to hang out alone in h
Page 695 and 696:
Why would you want to do that?thoug
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child fit if she’d been an introv
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But even parents who still have wor
Page 701 and 702:
same time he didn’t want her to g
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new people, but also to new places
Page 705 and 706:
the safety of the dunes, and neithe
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Above all, do not shame her for her
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principals and guidance counselors,
Page 711 and 712:
It’s a Tuesday morning in October
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But not all of them. When you seeth
Page 715 and 716:
She opens her mouth to speak, butlo
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calm atmosphere where she could wor
Page 719 and 720:
lunch in the cacophonous din of the
Page 721 and 722:
school memory is of being made tost
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elieve that negative public speakin
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movement, stimulation, collaborativ
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her group had been smaller andsomeo
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what these kids are like oncethey
Page 731 and 732:
help your introverted child thrive.
Page 733 and 734:
words what it’s like to say “I
Page 735 and 736:
development experts tell us, but be
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day she made the team after partici
Page 739 and 740:
fashion and celebrity. Those kids a
Page 741 and 742:
nerves were so mild that they simpl
Page 743 and 744:
the story of David Weiss, a drummer
Page 745 and 746:
stuff. And I know exactly how: I st
Page 747 and 748:
it and enjoyed himself. His father
Page 749 and 750:
one of the great insights of Wester
Page 751 and 752:
for those who might fall into the f
Page 753 and 754:
Run. Write a story. Make a deal wit
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you want the wisdom of the crowd,ga
Page 757 and 758:
Lewis Carroll was an introvert, too
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But what he loved to do best wasrea
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suitcase (though I felt guilty abou
Page 763 and 764:
A Note on the Words Introvert andEx
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categories quite separate from intr
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experience (“thinker, dreamer”)
Page 769 and 770:
his preferred type, “intelligent
Page 771 and 772:
At Crown Publishers, it has been my
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an interview. He gave me not only t
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to talk, let alone visit, during th
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Janice Dorn, Anders Ericsson, Jason
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Special thanks and love to Al andBo
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781/929personality did not prevent
Page 783 and 784:
783/929Mood, and Cardiovascular Fun
Page 785 and 786:
785/929a brochure published by the
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787/929speech can be perceived as h
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789/92926. Charlie Brown: David Mic
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791/92935. introvert is not a synon
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793/929to Communicate, Communicatio
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795/929Personality and the School:
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797/929American Medicine Meets the
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799/92918. “EATON’S HIGHLAND LI
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801/929as a founding figure of pers
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803/929Admission and Exclusion at H
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tongued Chautauqua speaker turned D
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807/929lamb; this was “the world
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809/92950. “Social anxiety disord
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811/92953. a staple of airport book
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813/929published June 12, 2003, upd
Page 815 and 816:
815/929outdoor/depart-from-your-inh
Page 817 and 818:
817/92918. college students were as
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819/929Don’t (New York: HarperCol
Page 821 and 822:
821/929excellent biography, Rosa Pa
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823/929http://mashable.com/2008/08/
Page 825 and 826:
825/92937. “cry from the heart wo
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4. One of the most interesting find
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829/929Creative Collaboration (New
Page 831 and 832:
Gamble, Ernst & Young, GlaxoSmithKl
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19. According to a 2002 nationwide
Page 835 and 836:
835/929Distribution in a Group of I
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837/92932. “intense curiosity or
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839/92938. people learn better afte
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841/92948. some forty years of rese
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843/929Gregory Berns, Iconoclast: A
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845/929CHAPTER 4: IS TEMPERAMENT DE
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847/929Impulsivity and Reading Abil
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849/92916. Nazi eugenics and white
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851/92924. in a group of people, on
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853/929and Social Psychology 97, no
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855/92933. Indeed, about a quarter
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857/92938. thought to be associated
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859/92945. “The time and effort t
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861/92916, 2010. Also note that int
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863/92916. Drowsy extroverts behind
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865/929Penguin, 1992), esp. 125-236
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867/929Emotion Processing and Atten
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869/929how radically, and fruitfull
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871/929Disruptive Developmental Tra
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873/929Deformations Within the Amyg
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875/929Psychotherapy and the Highly
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879/929CHAPTER 7: WHY DID WALL STRE
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881/929areas that have something to
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885/929“How Emotions Facilitate a
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887/929Polymorphism at the Serotoni
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on the dopamine-driven reward syste
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893/929Type Indicator (Palo Alto, C
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897/92951. all introverts are const
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Personality Dispositions,” Annual
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may fluctuate over time, but you pr
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923/929(Cambridge, MA: HarvardUnive
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925/929Neuroscientist Reveals How t
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927/929Meaning: On Doing Well and B
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