The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

HELPING AFTER DEATH 321
people have used and found helpful is a variation on the
method I explained for completing unfinished business. No
matter how long ago your loved one died, you will find this
most effective.
Visualize that all the buddhas and enlightened beings are in
the sky above and around you, shining down their rays of
compassionate light and giving you their support and blessing.
In their presence grieve and say what you have to say, what is
really in your heart and mind, to your loved one who has died.
Visualize that the person who is dead is looking at you
with a greater love and understanding than he or she ever had
while alive. Know that the dead person wants you to understand
that he or she loves you and forgives you for whatever
you may have done, and wants to ask for and receive your forgiveness.
Allow your heart to open and put into words any anger,
any feelings of hurt, you may have been harboring, and let go
of them completely. With your whole heart and mind, let
your forgiveness go out toward the dead person. Tell him or
her of your forgiveness; tell him or her of the regrets you feel
for all the pain you may have caused.
Now feel with your whole being his or her forgiveness and
love streaming toward you. Know in the depths of yourself
that you are lovable and deserve to be forgiven, and feel your
grief dissolve.
At the end of the practice, ask yourself if you can now
truly say farewell and really let go of the person. Imagine the
person turning and leaving, and then conclude by doing the
phowa, or another practice for helping the dead.
This practice will give you the chance of showing your love
once more, doing something to help the person who has died,
and completing and healing the relationship in your heart.
You can learn so much, if you let yourself, from the grief and
loss of bereavement. Bereavement can force you to look at
your life directly, compelling you to find a purpose in it where
there may not have been one before. When suddenly you find
yourself alone after the death of someone you love, it can feel
as if you are being given a new life and are being asked
"What will you do with this life? And why do you wish to
continue living?"
Loss and bereavement can also remind you sharply what
can happen when in life you do not show your love and